


A G-note Without Warning

by galaxyblueflame



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Be More Chill - Freeform, Emo Keith (Voltron), Gay, M/M, Memes, Musical References, Onions, Sexting, Smut, Texting, Transgirl Pidge, aged-up Pidge, and an onION, band trash, help keith, im trash, like a lot, like keith plz, lowkey daddy kink, lowkey keith wears feminine clothes, mostly be more chill and dear evan hansen tho, no really its hecka gay, save these gays, sprinkle of angst, stop shiro 2k17, text fic, they need some sleep, took a daddy kink and went all the way with it tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-29 00:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 62
Words: 32,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10842201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyblueflame/pseuds/galaxyblueflame
Summary: Lanceing-through-the-snow: it's the way I want to go outLanceing-through-the-snow: with Keith wielding a sword in one hand and a 12 inch rainbow dildo in the other





	1. When I Was

***Shirogone has added 2004revengeeregerardway, allurking, langst, corndaddy, gremlin, shatt, and sunnypineapple to Go drunk your're home***

 

Shirogone: When I was.....

 

Shatt: A youNG BOY

 

Shirogone: MY FATHER

 

Shatt: TOOK ME INTO THE CITY

 

Shirogone: TOI SEE A MARCHING BAND

 

Shatt: HE SAID SON WHEN

 

Shirogone: YOU GROW UP

 

Shatt: WOULD YOU BE THE SAVIOR OF THE BROKEN

 

Shirogone: THE BEATEN

 

Shatt: AND THE DAMNED

 

Shirogone: HE SAID WILL YOU DEFEAT THEM

 

Shatt: YOURE DEMONS AND ALL THE NONBELIEVERS

 

Shirogone: THE PLANS THST THEY HAVE MADE

 

Shatt: BC ONE DAY ILL LEAVE YOY

 

Shirogone: A PHANTOM TO LEAD YOU IN THE SUMMER

 

Shatt: TO JOIN THE BLACK PARADE

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I hate this fucking family.


	2. You overcooked fish fillet

Langst: hey keef, nice name!

2004revengeeragerardway: Fuck you, go to hell

Shirogone: Woooah Keith, language!!

2004revengeeragerardway: Oh I'm sorry, fuck you go to heck

Shirogone: Better

2004revengeeragerardway: Listen Lance, how tf do I change my name?!

Langst: what you dont like the name i chose for you?? i thought it would speak to your emo soul

2004revengeeragerardway: You're such an overcooked fish fillet!

Langst: wow queef.....thats just uncalled for

Gremlin: Yeah queef, how fucking dare you

2004revengeeragerardway: Yeah, I said it.

Langst: 3edgy5me

2004revengeeragerardway: Do you want to fight, you overcooked fish fillet?!

Langst: bring it on hot topic

2004revengeeragerardway: Already brough, abercrombie & bitch

Gremlin: ooooooh, hold on lemme grab my popcorn!!

Corndaddy: I heard somebody say corn.

Gremlin: Not you, cornman, different corn

Corndaddy: Oh....well then carry on!

Langst: this G note without warning did NOT just call me a bitch. oh its on like donkey kong!!

2004revengeeragerardway: Meet me in the back alley of Dennys!!

Langst: fine!

2004revengeeragerardway: FINE!

Sunnypineapple: Can't we all just get some pizza and get along??

Gremlin: Nobody wants your weird pineapple pizza Hunk.

Sunnypineapple: First off, rude. Second off, RUDE!


	3. You meme well onion boy

Shirogone: I'm an onion

 

Shatt: Why, bc you make people cry?

 

Shirogone: NO BECAUSE I HAVE LAYERS, YOU PRICK

 

Gremlin: It's because of shrek isn't it?

 

Shirogone: .......maybe

 

Gremlin: Judging you

 

Shirogone: leT ME LIVE

 

Langst: you meme well onion boy

 

Shirogone: Thanks, I try

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Did you just call dad onion boy?

 

Langst: did you just call onion boy dad?

 

2004revengeeragerardway: IT AUTOCORRECTED LOSER TO DAD OKAY BYE!!

 

Shirogone: Awe Keith, is that how you see me? As a father figure??

 

2004revengeeragerardway: PSH MORE LIKE BOTHER FIGURE

 

Sunnypineapple: Awe so pure!!

 

Allurking: Lol Keith is embarrassed

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Go lurk somewhere else you trash.

 

Allurking: Excuse you? Do you want to say that again you emo fuck?

 

2004revengeeragerardway: No ma'am

 

Allurking: Yeah, that's what I thought

 

Corndaddy: Be nice Allura!

 

Allurking: He started it!!

 

Corndaddy:Allura, he's a child

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I'M 20

 

Corndaddy: As I was saying, Allura he's a child

 

Allurking: Sometimes I forget I'm dealing with children, I am dearly sorry Keith

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I hate this fucking family

 

Shirogone: KEITH!!

 

Shatt: Don't worry Shiro, I got this

 

Shatt: Keith, no fucking swearing!!

 

***2004revengeeragerardway has left the chat***

 


	4. Mothman is daddy af

***Gremlin has added 2004revengeeragerardway to Keef thinks shiro is dad***

 

2004revengeeragerardway: ihy

 

Gremlin: Like I'm going to let you leave me to suffer alone in this chat bitch

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Omg Pidge, you're lucky I tolerate you

 

Gremlin: You're lucky I tolerate you

 

Langst: your lucky i tolerate either of you guys

 

2004revengeeragerardway: *You're

 

Langst: *fuck off

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Mothman would never treat me this way

 

Langst: tf is a mothman??

 

Gremlin: In [West Virginia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Virginia) folklore, the **Mothman** is a [legendary](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legend) creature reportedly seen in the [Point Pleasant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Point_Pleasant,_West_Virginia) area from November 12, 1966, to December 15, 1967. The first newspaper report was published in the _Point Pleasant Register_ dated November 16, 1966, titled "Couples See Man-Sized Bird ... Creature ... Something".[[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman#cite_note-WestVa.net-1) The national press soon picked up the reports and helped spread the story across the country.

The Mothman was introduced to a wider audience by [Gray Barker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_Barker) in 1970,[[2]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman#cite_note-2)[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman#cite_note-3) and later popularized by [John Keel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Keel) in his 1975 book _[The Mothman Prophecies](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mothman_Prophecies)_ , claiming that there were [supernatural](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernatural) events related to the sightings, and a connection to the collapse of the [Silver Bridge](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Bridge).

The Mothman is the subject of regional [folklore](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folklore) and popular culture. The 2002 film _[The Mothman Prophecies](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mothman_Prophecies_\(film\))_ , starring [Richard Gere](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Gere), was based on Keel's book.[[4]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman#cite_note-4)An annual festival in Point Pleasant is devoted to the Mothman legend.

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Mothman is daddy af

 

Langst: pfft pidgeon did you really just copy and paste wiki??

 

Langst: wait keith wtf?!

 

Gremlin: omg preach keith!!

 

Shirogone: I thought I was dad?? Wow, I feel more betrayed than when Matt threw away my onions

 

Shatt: THEY WERE ROTTEN

 

Shirogone: I WAS GOING TO EAT THEM MATT

 

Shatt: Shiro plz, you would have died

 

Shirogone: worth it.

 

Langst: are we just going ti ignore that keith called mothman daddy?? like chill with the onions for 5 seconds bc like???

 

Shirogone: Oh okay yeah, Keith wtf??? You said I was dad, what's good?

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Shiro you can be dad all you want, but Mothman is daddy af

 

Shirogone: I'm so confused??

 

Shatt: When he says daddy, he's talking about being a kinky fuck

 

Corndaddy: Do not taint my name with your dirtiness Keith.

 

Allurking: I hope you know I screenshotted this and will be sending it to your father

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Jokes on you, I don't have a father! So ha!!

 

Langst: dang we went from daddy kink to fatherless, what even happened

 

SunnyPineapple: You're all filthy sinners, that's what happened

 

Gremlin: Hunk!! I missed you!!

 

SunnyPineapple: I'm literally sitting next to you??

 

Gremlin: Just take my fucking love!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Speaking of fucking, I'd fuck Mothman

 

***Gremlin has changed the chat name to Keith is a furry 2k17***

 

2004revengeeragerardway: IM NOT A FURRY

 

Langst: if you wanna do a giant bird then you kinda are.....

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I'm sorry, tf did you just call Mothman??

 

Langst: a giant bird

 

2004revengeeragerardway: That's it! You can disrespect me, you can disrespect Shiro!! Man, you can even disrespect Hunk!

 

SunnyPineapple: HEY!!

 

Gremlin: If he hurts Hunk, I'd castrate him.

 

2004revengeeragerardway: But nobody, AND I MEAN NOBODY, talks that way about Mothman. Mothman is my future husband okay? He is my hero, should be everyones hero! Mothman deserves so much more than your crusty self thinking themself as worthy enough to even put Mothmans name in your mouth and then in turn insult him like that?? He is not some fucking giant bird!! He is Mothman, never compare him to some stupid bird goddamnit!! Like, who do you think you are?! 

 

***Langst has changed the chat name to Mothdude=giant bird***

 

Gremlin: Guys, do you hear something??

 

SunnyPineapple: Yeah?? What is that??

 

Allurking: Idk, I just saw Keith make a mad dash down the hall though

 

Corndaddy: DID I JUST HEAR LANCE SCREAM?!

 

Shirogone: So um, what happened was Keith came in with a knife and attacked Lance...

 

Shatt: It was great

 

Gremlin: You know, I can't blame him. You don't just diss mothman like that

 

SunnyPineapple: Ughhhh!! I'll go get the first aid kit

 

Gremlin: You are a blessing Hunk

 

SunnyPineapple: I know.


	5. At least wrap your pickle, be safe kids

Gremlin: Can't believe Lance is dead :/

 

Allurking: God, I know he will be missed

 

***SunnyPineapple has changed the chat name to Rip Lancelot 1999-2017***

 

Langst: guys im not dead

 

2004revengeeragerardway: It's almost like I could still hear him

 

Gremlin: Truly disheartening *wipes tear*

 

SunnyPineapple: It breaks my heart to have him gone, he was my bestest friend :(

 

Langst: wow i came out to have a good time and i seriously feel so attacked rn

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I miss his stupid memes

 

Allurking: I even miss his stupid flirting attempts

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Same, I remember one time he told me that my legs were nutella and he was going to spread them

 

Gremlin: Wtf Lance???

 

SunnyPineapple: That's actually pretty good!

 

Langst: Thanks Hunk, I try

 

Shirogone: He said what to my brother??

 

Langst: oh shit

 

***Langst has left the chat***

 

Shirogone: Keith, he said what to you?!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: He was just joking plz Shiro

 

***Shirogone has added Langst to Rip Lancelot 1999-2017***

 

Shirogone: Lance you are a child, you shouldn't even know what that stuff even means!!

 

Langst: dude im 21, i could legally get turnt up

 

Gremlim: I'm just going to pretend you never said that

 

Shirogone: Keith is a literal child too, you shouldn't say that kind of stuff to my BABY brother yet

 

Langst: .....yet

 

Shirogone: BUT IF YOU MUST!!!

 

Shirigone: At least wrap your pickle, be safe kids

 

***2004revengeeragerardway has kicked Shirogone out of the chat***

 

Langst: oh shizz, now shirogone is literally shiroGONE

 

Langst: but dont worry, ill be safe keef ;)

 

2004revengeeragerardway: .....

 

***2004revengeeragerardway has kicked Langst out of the chat***

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Now we are a wholesome chat once again

 

Gremlin: Says the dude who literally called Mothman daddy

 

2004revengeeragerardway: This disrespect

 

***SunnyPineapple has added Langst and Shirogone to Rip Lancelot 1999-2017***

 

Shirogone: KEITH HOW COULD YOU

 

Langst: thanks babe for adding me back, this is why youre my favorite

 

SunnyPineapple: No problem, I missed you so

 

Allurking: AWEEEE 

 

Allurking: #hance

 

Gremlin: #hance all the way

 

Langst: bish me too

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Ew no

 

Langst: awe babe you do love me!!!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: No, Hunk deserves better

 

Langst: oh :'(

 

SunnyPineapple: Lance he isn't serious, you're seriously so great

 

2004revengeeragerardway:...

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Okay fine I didn't actually mean it, you're pretty okay when you wanna be

 

Langst:.....

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Hoe don't do it

 

Langst: I knew you loved me ;)

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Oh my god


	6. i had to teach muppet boy on why hes a twink

***2004revengeeragerardway is now chatting with Langst***

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Hey, I have a question??

 

Langst: finallt gonna confess your undying love for moi

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Ew no

 

Langst: ugh then what is it??

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Tf is a twink??

 

Langst: .....

 

Langst: why??

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Pidge called me that

 

Langst: pidge....called you a twink?? 

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Yeah, she said, and I quote "You're such a fucking emo twink"

 

Langst: i

 

Langst: well my dear boy, she aint wrong persay

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Cool, but what is it??

 

Langst: A more feminine hairless gay boy

 

2004revengeeragerardway: 1. I'm manly as fuck. I wear a leather jacket and combat boots so

 

2004revengeeragerardway: 2. I'm not hairless, I literally have hair longer than repunzel tf??

 

Langst 1) its rapunzel you uncultured swine

 

Langst: 2) you have hecka feminine features, your so pretty my eyes hurt

 

Langst: 3) she means bodyhair, like chest hair or pubes

 

2004revengeeragerardway: You can't correct somebody on their spelling, then go and use wrong grammar ffs

 

2004revengeeragerardway: And the hairless thing, well dang I can't argue with that

 

Langst: omg wait really?? what you shave or something? thats great

 

2004revengeeragerardway: No, hair just doesn't seem to grow??

 

Langst: ....

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Is it that weird??

 

Langst: no no, completely normal!

 

Langst: fuckin emo twink

 

 

 

***Langst is now chatting with Gremlin***

 

 

Langst: why you gotta call keith a twink 

 

Gremlin: wat

 

Langst: i had to teach muppet boy on why hes a twink

 

Gremlin: Omg that's amazing xD

 

Langst: boI HAS NO HAIR WHAT SO EVER, SMOOTH AS A BABY

 

Gremlin: Wait what

 

Gremlin: diD KEOTH SEND YOU NUDES OMG

 

 

***Gremlin is now chatting with 2004revengeeragerardway***

 

 

Gremlin: KEITH THATS PORN STOP YOU CHILD

 

2004revengeeragerardway: What??

 

Gremlin: YOU SENT LANCE NUDES OMG

 

2004revengeeragerardway: tf are nudes??

 

Gremlin: Omg you seriously need to brush up on your internet lingo ffs

 

Gremlin: nudes are when you send naked pictures of yourself to somebody else

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Oh okay- waIT I DIDNT SEND NAKED PICTURES TO LANCE WTF WHYD YOU THINK THAT?!

 

Gremlin: LANCE TOLD ME YOU DID WHAT?!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I will kill that motherfuckin aeropostle wannabe.

 

 

***Gremlin is now chatting with Langst***

 

 

Langst: OMG NO PIDGE FFS

 

Langst: he just mentioned he doesnt grow hair, thats kinda cute omg

 

Gremlin: Oops??

 

Langst: oops?? what do you mean oopos??

 

Gremlin: I might have told Keith you told me he sent you nudes.....

 

Langst: PIDGE WTF HE WILL LITERALLY KILL ME

 

Gremlin: Yeah that's what he said....

 

Langst: I will throw away all of your technology, you evil evil little child.

 

 

***Langst is now chatting with 2004revengeeragerardway***

 

 

Langst: keith buddy babe baby princess darling!!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: You're dead, mclame.

 

Langst: NO LISTEN OKAY!!!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: You told her I sent you such dirty things!!

 

Langst: I DIDNT THO!! I MENTIONED YOU WERE HAIRLESS AND SHE JUST ASSUMED!! I WOULD NEVER TELL HER YOU SENT ME NUDES!!

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Promise??

 

Langst: i promise keith, i didnt tell her that, she just misunderstood

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Okay

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I guess you live another day

 

Langst: BLESSED THANK YOU

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Also don't call me baby or princess, you aren't my daddy

 

2004revengeeragerardway: Or Mothman

 

Langst: ENOUGH WITH MOTHMAN FFS!!

 

Langst: also i may not be your daddy, but i could be ;)

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I change my mind on the whole you live another day thing

 

Langst: NO KEITH BUDDY BABE I WAS KIDDING!!!

 

Langst: KEITH???

 

Langst: keith plz you arent serious are you???

 

2004revengeeragerardway: I suggest you run.

 

Langst: FUCK

 

 

***Langst is now chatting with SunnyPineapple***

 

 

Langst: if i dont make it out alive, just know i love you

 

SunnyPineapple: Made Keith mad again?

 

Langst: yes

 

Langst: FRICK HES COMING GOODBYE MY LOVE

 

SunnyPineapple: Ugh

 

SunnyPineapple: I'll get the first aid kit

 

SunnyPineapple: Again


	7. Like eyes and bones and all??

***Shirogone is now chatting with Shatt***

 

Shirogone: I have a genius idea Matt!!

 

Shirogone: Okay so imagine this

 

Shirogone: Sardines, poppy seeds.....

 

Shirogone: and an onION!!!

 

Shatt: Shiro plz it's 3 am

 

Shirogone: But it will be the best sandwhich ever.

 

Shatt: tf?? A sandwich??

 

Shirogone: Yes! Okay so the bread is ofc cinnamon raisin bread

 

Shatt: This sandwhich already sounds lik a raiSIN

 

Shirogone: Shut up, it will be amazing.

 

Shatt: Sure

 

Shirogone: So you take the sardines, right? Plop it right on there. It has to be whole sardines though

 

Shatt: Like eyes and bones and all??

 

Shirogone: It gives it character Matt!!

 

Shatt: God help us all

 

Shirogone: So then you dump the poppy seeds all over it! Also pour some of that sardine juice on it to give it a delicious marination

 

Shatt: Wtf??

 

Shirogone: Then the crown of it all!

 

Shatt: Let me guess, onions

 

Shirogone: THE ONION

 

Shatt: Knew it

 

Shirogone: You take a whole onion and just put it there, and bam! The best sandwich ever.

 

Shatt: Shiro what?? A whole onion? Do you even peel it???

 

Shirogone: Leave the skin on it, it gives it flavor

 

Shatt: For the love of

 

Shirogone: Ik it sounds amazing right?!

Shatt: Sure Shiro, sure.....

 

Shirogone: Glad you agreed, becaus I made you one too

 

Shatt: Made me what

 

Shirogone: The shonion sandwich!!

 

Shatt: Shiro wtf?!

 

Shirogone: C'mon Matt! Before it gets cold!!

 

Shatt: Wait you cooked it???

 

Shirogone: I heard you can cook salmon in the dishwasher, so I thought why not sardines??

 

Shatt: You...You cooked the sandwich in a dishwasher??

 

Shirogone: I kept the bubbles out! It's actuall pretty good! Got a little crunch to it!!

 

Shatt: SHIRO DO NOT EAT IT I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO THE HOSPITAL FOR FOOD POISONING AGAIN

 

Shirogone: But Matt....Onions.....

 

Shatt: No Shiro. I have class to teach in the morning! So do you! Put the sandwich down before you get sick

 

Shirogone:.....I don't feel so good

 

Shatt: FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

 

Shirogone: Language!!

 

Shatt: DUDE ITS 4 IN THE FUCKING MORING I CAN USE WHATEVER SHITTING LANGUAGE I WANT!!!

 

Shatt: Now go get changed, I'll take you to the hospital

 

Shirogone: You're the best <3

 

Shatt: I know

 

 

 

 

***School Website***

 

 

Hey, it's me Mr.Holt. School will be canceled for both my class and Mr.Shirogane, because he was an idiot and made a stupid onion sardine sandwich in the flipping dishwasher and now tired Mr.Holt has to take his idiot self to the hospital. Have a good day class.

\- Mr.Holt, who just wants one night of sleep without a grown man waking him up with stupid onion food ideas

 

 

_Comment Section_

 

Keith: lololololol

 

Hunk: Oh no, I hope he gets better!

 

Lance: Sweet, no school!!

 

Pidge: Frickin onion boy strikes again, he's a danger to himself


	8. I'm just painfully gay

Allurking: Pidge should get a relationship

 

Gremlin: Wat

 

Allurking: Like everybody has one! Lance has Keith, Shiro and Matt, Hunk and that girl he has a crush on, me and pizza

 

CryptidNightmare: IM NOT DATING LANCE

 

Langst: oh, i see queef has learned how to change his name

 

CryptidNightmare: Fuck off meme boy

 

Shirogone: Firstly, Matt and I are just friends

 

Shatt: Sadly

 

Shirogone: What??

 

Shatt: I MEANT SADLY I HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH SUCH A LOSER LIKE YOU HAHAHAHAS

 

Shirogone: RUDE

 

CryptidNightmare: Sure whatever you say Karen

 

Gremlin: Who tf is Karen

 

SunnyPineapple: I don't have a crush >///<

 

Langst: buddy babe love its pretty obvious you like that rocker chick

 

SunnyPineapple: Her name is Shay, and no I don't....

 

Langst: Pfft ok martha

 

Gremlin: Who tf is Martha??

 

Allurking: AS I WAS SAYING!!! Everybody has someone but you! So I was thinking.... I CAN SET YOU UP!!

 

Gremlin: Naw, I'm good

 

Allurking: C'mon Pidge! I know you can find your special person if you just put yourself out there

 

Gremlin: No I won't

 

Langst: awe pidge!! your lovely you can so find somebody

 

Gremlin: No, I can promise you I will not find somebody to date

 

CryptidNightmare: Pfft, this is great

 

Gremlin: Fuck off Mothman fucker

 

Allurking: Now, how can you be so sure you won't find the one? You never know when it could happen Pidge!!

 

Gremlin: Ffs Allura, I'm not going to find someone, I will not like anybody

 

Langst: but pidgeeeee!! it would be so cute to see you getting all blushy over a lover, you should do it!! and like allura says, the love of your life could be around the corner

 

CryptidNightmare: I'm feeling bad for you Pidge, head over to mine and we can watch conspiracy theories

 

Gremlin: I will in a bit Keith

 

Gremlin: Now as I was saying, I am 100% sure you guys are wrong

 

Allurking: But you won't know unless you try!! I bet if Lance and I set you up, we could find you the perfect prince charming or princess charming!!

 

Langst: yeh pudge!! i can find you the perfect lover!!

 

Gremlin: FFS I KNOW I WONT FIND A LOVER BC IM FUCKING AROMANTIC!!

 

Langst: oh

 

Allurking: What is aromantic??

 

Gremlin: It means something different for each person, but to me it means I can't feel romantically towards somebody else, nor do I crave to be in a romantic relationship with somebody else

 

Allurking: Oooooh!! Oh my gooodness, I am so sorry Pidge, I didn't know!!

 

Gremlin: It's okay, apparently the only one who knew was Keith

 

Langst: so that explains why he felt bad?? i just assumed you two had a thing

 

Gremlin: Ew no thanks! First, I'm aromantic! Secondly, I'm asexual too

 

CryptidNightmare: I'm just painfully gay

 

Langst: WAIT YOURE GAY?!?!

 

Allurking: Lance why're you so shocked?? It was pretty obvious

 

Gremlin: Well I mean, he was always slow on things. Like with me being a transgirl, that was funny

 

CryptidNightmare: Yes Lance, I am so completely homosexual it hurts sometimes. I just love that good Dick

 

Shirogone: KEITH LANGUAGE!! 

 

Shatt: Lol what dick, you're a virgin??

 

Gremlin: Why is dick capitalized

 

CryptidNightmare: SHUT UP MATT I CAN STILL LOVE THAT GOOD D!! 

 

CryptidNightmare: Also leave it alone Pidge. Dick is so good, it's its own thing it needs to be capitalized to show its importance

 

Gremlin: Ew, penises look like old wrinkly turtles with turtle necks on

 

Langst: idk how yo feel about this, i always thought you were straight

 

CryptidNightmare: I'm as straight as a circle

 

SunnyPineapple: Good for you Keith, I'm glad you can be so open! Same with you Pidge!! Thank you for being able to trust us enough to come out

 

Gremlin: Aweee Hunk!! There you go again, being such a sweetie!!

 

CryptidNightmare: This is why Hunk is the only one I truly like

 

Shirogone: HEY

 

Langst: HEY?!

 

CryptidNightmare: .....

 

CryptidNightmare: Statement still stands.

 

SunnyPineapple: Aweee I love you too Keith <3


	9. Trust me, I'll be having a lot of fun if you leave me alone

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunnyPineapple***

 

Lancelot: hey hunkers

 

SunnyPineapple: Oh you changed your name! >.<

 

Lancelot: ye keith said he thought it would be cute

 

SunnyPineapple: Keith did??

 

Lancelot: well not exactly, but his eyes said he adored the name!!

 

SunnyPineapple: Whatever you say lover boy

 

Lancelot: i dont love keith

 

Lancelot: id rather date zarkon

 

SunnyPineapple: Omg Lance is a furry 2k17

 

Lancelot: ffs, i came out to have a good time and i seriously feel so attacked rn

 

Lancelot: but seriously i dont like keith like that, were  just friends

 

SunnyPineapple: Yes bc me and shay are just friends -_-

 

Lancelot: well to her, yeah you two are just friends

 

SunnyPineapple: wow

 

SunnyPineapple: I'm just gonna go now

 

Lancelot: WAIT IM SORRY

 

Lancelot: i didnt mean it babes ily

 

Lancelot: and im sure shay loves you too bxc otp

 

SunnyPineapple: Thanks lance <3 

 

SunnyPineapple: But for real, I'm trying to do my english essay so bye

 

Lancelot: ah oki byeeee, ill go bother keith then

 

SunnyPineapple: Klance

 

 

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with CryptidNightmare***

 

 

Lancelot: hey babe

 

Lancelot: baaaaabe

 

Lancelot: baby

 

Lancelot: princess

 

Lancelot: kitten

 

CryptidNightmare: Lance, I can't talk rn I'm busy

 

Lancelot: but im booooored

 

CryptidNightmare: Okay?? Go bother Hunk, I'm kind of tied up atm

 

Lancelot: i tried but hunk has homeworj to do

 

CryptidNightmare: Listen, I can't talk, bye

 

Lancelot: but babyyyyyy

 

Lancelot: come back to me plz kitten

 

Lancelot: daddy is lonely 030

 

CryptidNightmare: LANCE I CANT TALK RN GOODBYE

 

Lancelot: princess pleaseeeee

 

Lancelot: how come??

 

CryptidNightmare: Rn isn't the best time okay?? You're cool and all but I'll talk to you later

 

Lancelot: why cant you just talk to me now?? plz baby

 

CryptidNightmare: Ffs Lance, just take my word for it

 

Lancelot: im not leaving until you tell me why

 

Lancelot: babe

 

Lancelot: baby

 

Lancelot: babyboy

 

Lancelot: princess

 

Lancelot: kitten

 

CryptidNightmare: FUCKING HELL, IM MASTURBATING

 

Lancelot: oh

 

Lancelot: OH

 

Lancelot: ill just um yeah, have fun

 

CryptidNightmare: Trust me, I'll be having a lot of fun if you leave me alone

 

Lanceot: yeah okay sure yeah um bye just yeah bye

 

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with Allurking***

 

 

Lancelot: gurl

 

Lancelot: im too gay for this shit

 

Allurking: What happened??

 

Allurking: Also relatable

 

Lancelot: i was texting keith and turns out he was doing the nasty and???

 

Lancelot: it made me feel some type of way

 

Lancelot: why tho?! its keith!! mulletman who is obsessed with furrsonas!!

 

Allurking: AAAAH MY KLANCE HEART

 

Lancelot: psh naw i cant like keith!!

 

Allurking: Hoe don't do it

 

Lancelot: yeah i was probs just like that bc i was weirded out 

 

Allurking: Oh my god

 

 

***Allurking is now chatting with SunnyPineapple*  
**

 

Allurking: Why is klance so clueless??

 

SunnyPineapple: I fucking know right?! What happened this time

 

Allurking: bitch literally felt gay for Keith and just said naw he was just weirded out

 

Allurking: Like no, you're just hecka gay for Keith ffs

 

SunnyPineapple: I'm getting tired of them not realizing

 

Allurking: We should do something

 

SunnyPineapple: What do you have in mind?


	10. Okay, there was this thing called the unicorn frap

CryptidNightmare: I think a guy just hit on me?????

 

Shirogone: You're like 5 what

 

Lancelot: um wat

 

Gremlin: Ew, why you??

 

CryptidNightmare: Pidge, that's what I wanna know!!

 

SunnyPineapple: Shush, you're beautiful okay? I'm surprised you don't get hit on more often, my gorgeous friend

 

CryptidNightmare: Omg Hunk??? This is why I love you, omg, can you be my brother

 

Shirogone: Wtf Keith, I'm awesome

 

Shatt: You were crying over snakes last night

 

Shirogone: THEY DON'T HAVE ANY ARMS MATT!! THEY CAN'T HUG!!

 

CryptidNightmare: WAIT NOW IM SAD OMG

 

Shatt: Looks like idot runs in the family

 

Corndaddy: *idiot

 

Gremlin: Omg cornman, you're alive?!

 

Corndaddy: I broke my phone

 

Gremlin: Omg how???

 

Corndaddy: Apparently they aren't waterproof?? I took it in the shower so I can get squeaky clean while playing this game called candycrush

 

SunnyPineapple: That's dangerous Coran, be careful!

 

Corndaddy: I will, I'm sorry to have worried you Hunk

 

Lancelot: okay but guys??? keith got hit on???

 

CryptidNightmare: Yeah, unbelievable right??

 

CryptidNightmare: Like I thought I scare off everyone, what idiot would hit on me??

 

Lancelot: please, your a legit kitten

 

CryptidNightmare: I'm punkrock, fuck you!!

 

Gremlin: So what even happened??

 

CryptidNightmare: I was sipping on my coffee at starbucks okay??

 

SunnyPineapple: Ooooh whatcha get??

 

CryptidNightmare: Just straight up black coffee

 

Gremlin: Like your soul

 

Shirogone: Boi stop lying, you hate black coffee! Your coffee is like 95% sugar and 5% whipcream, there isn't even enough coffee to count it as coffee

 

Shatt: Oooooh the bro is calling you out on your bull!!

 

CryptidNightmare: SHIRO!! NOW I SEEM LESS MANLY

 

SunnyPineapple: So what did you actually get??

 

CryptidNightmare: .....

 

CryptidNightmare: Okay, there was this thing called the unicorn frap

 

Lancelot: ph my god thats fucking adorable wth

 

Gremlin: This is the best thing ever.

 

CryptidNightmare: ANYWAYS!! So this tall dude just casually sits across from me

 

Lancelot: creep, i bet im taller

 

CryptidNightmare: You aren't

 

Gremlin: Omg smooth, he just goes and slides into your DM's

 

CryptidNightmare: I'm confused af, I just wanted to drink my drink! So I ask im what tf does he want

 

Lancelot: omg savage

 

Gremlin: Did you really

 

CryptidNightmare: Okay I just muttered huh?? MINOR DETAILS SHUSH Okay and the dude just tells me my jacket looks cute

 

Gremlin: He's lying keef

 

Lancelot: he must have really liked you to tell you your jacket was cute

 

SunnyPineapple: Guys don't be mean! Your jacket thingy is lovely

 

CryptidNightmare: Thanks Hunk :)

 

CryptidNightmare: But then this lanky fucker smirks and goes it'd look cuter on the floor

 

CryptidNightmare: Was he actually flirting, or did he just want my jacket??

 

Lancelot: id say he just wants the jacket

 

Gremlin: He's flirting, trust me nobody wants that jacket

 

Shirogone: Who is this person to say such things to my baby brother?!

 

Shatt: Shiro chill!

 

CryptidNightmare: He also gave me his number?? He said 'call me sweetcheeks', tf kind of name is sweetcheeks???

 

Lancelot: dont call him, he could be a murderer!!

 

CryptidNightmare: He was kinda cute tho

 

Allurking: Keith, that is dangerous, do not call him

 

SunnyPineapple: I second Allura, that seems very sketchy Keith

 

CryptidNightmare: Okay I won't, thank you guys :)

 

Shirogone: I still want all his personal info

 

Shirogone: Just to have a little chat

 

CryptidNightmare: Oh you want to talk to him??? Why???

 

Shirogone: He sounds like a fun guy

 

CryptidNightmare: Oh okay! I don't know much besides his name being Rolo

 

Shirogone: Oh I suddenly have to go, I need to grade tests

 

CryptidNightmare: Oh okay?? Have fun ig??

 

Gremlin: Rip Rolo

 

Lancelot: I have a new found love for Shiro

 

CryptidNightmare: ???

 

Shatt: Bless Keith's obliviousness


	11. God, this is worse than when Shiro gave me the sex talk

***CryptidNightmare is now chatting with AmbuLance***

 

CryptidNightmare: Hey

 

AmbuLance: hey...do you uh wanna talk about it??

 

CryptidNightmare: Not really

 

AmbuLance: ah

 

CryptidNightmare: Yeah

 

AmbuLance: okay but im so sorry!!

 

AmbuLance: i didnt mean to and i think we should talk about it bc bottling up things is terrible

 

CryptidNightmare: I disagree

 

AmbuLance: keith stop being difficult, lets just get the talk over with so it isnt awkward anymore

 

CryptidNightmare: Okay fine.

 

AmbuLance: so i am sorry for walking on you doing...ya know

 

CryptidNightmare: I should have locked the door

 

AmbuLance: ah but i should have knocked

 

CryptidNightmare: I guess we're both at fault?

 

AmbuLance: so we should both say sorry

 

CryptidNightmare: Okay, I am sorry for not locking my door when I was doing that

 

AmbuLance: and i am sorry on walking in on your private time, ill knock next time

 

CryptidNightmare: God, this is worse than when Shiro gave me the sex talk

 

AmbuLance: oh god im cringing at the thought

 

CryptidNightmare: He was trying to explain how it happened when a boy and girl love each other, that's when I told him I was gayer than a rainbow

 

AmbuLance: omg thats

 

CryptidNightmare: Yeah, he panicked, he wasn't ready for the gay sex talk so he basically said don't do it or I'd get pregnant and die

 

AmbuLance: but?? your a guy?? you cant get pregnant??

 

CryptidNightmare: But at the time I didn't know!

 

AmbuLance: poor fetus you omg

 

CryptidNightmare: I bet you were a kid who thought babies were delivered by the stork

 

AmbuLance: no!! i thought they came from belly buttons

 

CryptidNightmare: Well, at least I'm not the only idiot here

 

AmbuLance: leave me alone

 

CryptidNightmare: Not my fault you're stupid

 

AmbuLance: GO MASTURBATE AGAIN OR SOMETHING LOSER

 

CryptidNightmare: I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THAT!! WE APOLOGIZED

 

AmbuLance: YEAH WELL IM NEVER LETTING YOU LIVE IT DOWN IF YOU KEEP BEING MEAN TO ME

 

CryptidNightmare: Fuck you

 

AmbuLance: im sure youd rather that bear from the porno you were watching

 

CryptidNightmare: LANCE YOU SAW

 

AmbuLance: sorry gotta go bby, hunk wants me

 

CryptidNightmare: LANCE!!!

 

 

***CryptidNightmare is now chatting with Gremlin***

 

 

CrytpidNightmare: Can I just die already??

 

Gremlin: What did Lance do this time

 

CryptidNightmare: He walked in on me masturbating, and then he made fun of me for the porn I was watching

 

CryptidNightmare: Like Lance please, let's just not mention it but nooooo

 

Gremlin: I feel so blessed being asexual, bc I know that will never happen to me

 

CryptidNightmare: You aren't helping.

 

Gremlin: Ugh fine, come over to mine and we can watch this new documentary on bigfoot

 

CryptidNightmare: On my way!


	12. It's lubricant Lance

***Emo Tea is now chatting in Get Shrekt***

 

Emo Tea: The best thing just happened

 

Emo Tea: I'm so emotional, I shed a little tear

 

Emo Tea: Maybe there is a god

 

AmbuLance: keith wtf its 1 am???

 

Emo Tea: IK BUT LANCE!!

 

Emo Tea: THIS US THE BEST DAY EVER

 

AmbuLance: okay what happened emo boy

 

Emo Tea: Excuse you, it's emo tea

 

Emo Tea: So I got a craving for some McDonald's fries right?? So Shiro finally agreed to take me there

 

AmbuLance: at 1 am???

 

Emo Tea: Yes, Shiro is the best bro ever

 

Emo Tea: So we order a basket of fries and two double cheeseburgers

 

AmbuLance: seems legit

 

Emo Tea: I was pretty upset bc I wanted a mcflurry but Shiro being the broke student that he was told me no

 

AmbuLance: such a shame

 

Emo Tea: But then the car infront of us leaves bc it's taking too long and they're bitter

 

Emo Tea: So we pay for our order right??

 

Emo Tea: But since they had the extra order, they just gave it to us

 

AbuLance: Extra food is amazing omf

 

Emo Tea: AND THE BITCH IS A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!!!

 

Emo Tea: LIKE THE ONE THING I WANTED I GOT FOR FREE??? I???

 

AmbuLance: lucky little fuck!!!

 

Emo Tea: IKKKK

 

Emo Tea: Then welcome to the black parade came on as soon as we were pulling out of the lot

 

Emo Tea: Turned it all the ways up, I cried a bit at that sudden G note, and screamed my heart out

 

Emo Tea: This was the best day ever

 

AmbuLance: u emo fuck

 

Emo Tea: You're just bitter bc I got free food and an MCR song

 

AmbuLance: and ur just an emo tea

 

Emo Tea: Tell me something I don't know 

 

AmbuLance: YEAH WELL ILL MAKE MY OWN MILKSHAKE

 

Emo Tea: Good luck with that

 

AmbuLance: hey im actually a great cook! i had to cook for my fam at home so

 

Emo Tea: That's actually kinda cute

 

Emo Tea: I only had Shiro, so you can tell where my cooking stands

 

AmbuLance: i figured you sucked when you said you put butter in the toaster

 

Emo Tea: It's lubricant Lance

 

AmbuLance: wtf Keith??? don't put butter in the toaster! and don't call it lubricant!!

 

Gremlin: Did you know olive oil was sold a lot, bc the gay boys needed lubricant for their sex

 

Emo Tea: I actually did know this, yeah

 

AmbuLance: wtf pidge???

 

Gremlin: Well while we were on the topic, while not spread some cool facts

 

Shatt: Pidge go to bed, you have school tomorrow

 

Gremlin: You aren't the boss of me

 

Shatt: Yes, I actually am

 

Gremlin: I'll tell mom you surfed down the stairs and not only broke your arm, but that vase she bought you for Christmas.

 

Shatt: Oh would you look at the time, I have to go! Try not to stay up too late my darling sister!!

 

Gremlin: That's what I thought

 

Emo Tea: Suck it Matt

 

AmbuLance: never get on pudges bad side, she got blackmail on all of us

 

Emo Tea: Not me

 

Gremlin: Oh really?

 

Emo Tea: Really

 

Gremlin: Does anything pink and frilly remind you of anything?

 

Emo Tea: I love you all mighty Pidge, but I agree with Matt!! I think It's my bed time hahahahhaha

 

AmbuLance: frick what dirt do you got on him??

 

Gremlin: Just some stuff

 

SunnyPineapple: Guys I'm trying to sleep :(

 

Gremlin: Oh I'm sorry Hunk, go back to bed

 

SunnyPineapple: Okay, you try to get some sleep too Pidge

 

Gremlin: Going to sleep right now

 

AmbuLance: wow, hunk gor you whipped

 

SunnyPineapple: Lance, you get some sleep too, you have a big test tomorrow!

 

AmbuLance: okay hunky boy <3


	13. Vore me daddy

*** AmbuLance is now chatting in Get Shrekt***

 

AmbuLance: GUUUUYS IM SO

 

Allurking: What is wrong Lance?

 

AmbuLance: the new aot is out and T-T

 

Allurking: Aot???

 

Gremlin: This anime the nerd is obsessed with

 

AmbuLance: its called attack on titans and it is a masterpiece, levi can step on me any day

 

Gremlin: Kinkshaming

 

SunnyPineapple: Kinksaming

 

Gremlin: Please tell me that was a typo Hunk

 

SunnyPineapple: :)

 

Gremlin: HUNK PLZ

 

AmbuLance: huh i always pegged you for a marco kinda guy

 

SunnyPineapple: Eh, his character is a bit too half assed for me

 

Allurking: Awe that's a shame

 

AmbuLance: HUNK YOU DID NOT JUST

 

SunnyPineapple: :)

 

AmbuLance: and people think your innocent.....

 

Allurking: So what is this Attack On Titans about

 

AmbuLance: okay so its this indepth view of this world where humanity lives inside cities surrounded by enormous walls due to the titans, gigantic humanoid beings who devour humans seemingly without reason (theyre basically giants omg)! Now theres this group (the survey corps) that go and kill the evil titans for obvious reasons! it is seriously so good allura!!!  

 

Allurking: Wait Titans?? I'm still a bit confused??

 

Emo Tea: It's basically about voring

 

Allurking: Ah okay then

 

AmbuLance: KEITH NO

 

SunnyPineapple: I mean, he isn't wrong

 

Gremlin: OMG KEITH ILY

 

AmbuLance: DO NOT TAINT THE PURE IMAGE OF THE SHOW

 

Emo Tea: Vore me daddy

 

AmbuLance: KEITH WTF

 

***AmbuLance has removed Emo Tea from Get Shrekt***

 

Gremlin: Bring back my emo son Lance wtf

 

AmbuLance: hes ruining aot for me

 

OnionBoy: What is voring??

 

Shatt: Shiro no, you do not want to learn

 

OnionBoy: But I'm curious??

 

Shatt: Hey Shiro, I just bought a whole thing of onions in the kitchen!!

 

OnionBoy: Brb guys, stay safe! :)

 

Gremlin: Bless that mans soul

 

***Gremlin has added Emo Tea into Get Shrekt***

 

Emo Tea: Lance wtf

 

AmbuLance: you desevred it.

 

Emo Tea: Don't be salty just because your precious Eren is actually a vore person

 

AmbuLance: THATS IT IM COMING TO FIGHT YOU

 

SunnyPineapple: Who knew I'd have to stop a fight because of voring.....

 

Gremlin: Poor Hunk

 

SunnyPineapple: Ikr?? Like, I'm a tired mom

 


	14. Did you forget about my chronic depression??

***Emo Tea is now chatting in Vore me daddy***

 

Emo Tea: I just bought a shirt that represents my soul

 

Lancing: what, is it that emo band crying or smthing

 

Emo Tea: First off, they have a name and it's My Chemical Romance!

 

Emo Tea: Second off, I would buy that shirt in a heartbeat

 

Lancing: ofc u would

 

Emo Tea: But no, I made a quick stop at hot topic today

 

Lancing: ofc its ur home

 

Emo Tea: It is

 

Gremlin: My emo son

 

Emo Tea: Shut it Pidge, I'm like twice your age

 

Gremlin: Fuck off

 

Shatt: DONT FUCKING SWEAR

 

Gremlin: I'll tell mom you swore at me

 

Shatt: Nvm carry on

 

SunshineBoy: ..... CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOON

 

Lancing: THERELL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE

 

Emo Tea: Nice spn reference

 

Shatt: You trashes

 

Shatt: FUCK GOTTA GO, SHIROS TRING TO PUT ONIONS IN THE MICROWAVE AGAIN

 

Lancing: ...again

 

Emo Tea: He likes them warm

 

Lancing: ....okay then

 

Gremlin: I thought you'd stop questioning Shiro by now

 

Lancing: its just??? he does the weirdest things, protect him matt plz

 

Emo Tea: Okay but as I was saying!!

 

Gremlin: Yes, go tell your emo story my emo son

 

Emo Tea: .....

 

Emo Tea: I was going to buy this Melanie shirt right?

 

Lancing: WAIT YOU LIKE THE QUEEN?!?!

 

Emo Tea: YOU FRICKING KNOW IT SHE SLAYS ME

 

Lancing: OMG ME TOO

 

Lancing: u arent as bad as you seem mullet boy

 

Emo Tea: You're pretty cool too

 

Gremlin: Otp

 

Lancing: wat

 

Emo Tea: Ew no

 

Emo Tea: But anyways, as I was saying!!

 

Emo Tea: I was going to buy it, but then across the room, it caught my eye

 

Emo Tea: It was perfect, just calling my name

 

Emo Tea: I had to put the Mel shirt back, but it's okay I have like three other shirts and like 5 chokers from her

 

Lancing: wait chokers??

 

Emo Tea: Yeah, I have quite a lot tbh

 

Gremlin: Yes you kinky fuck

 

Emo Tea: ITS NOT KINKY ITS FASHION

 

Gremlin: Okay Debra

 

Emo Tea: Did you just Debra me, Martha?

 

Gremlin: HOE

 

Lancing: okay but chokers?? on keith??? i???

 

Emo Tea: Yeah, but the shirt!!

 

Emo Tea: I hand Shiro my other shirt to hold onto as I run to the beauty that was this shirt

 

Gremlin: Ooooh what other shirt did you get??

 

Emo Tea: This really cute victuri shirt

 

Gremlin: Omg trash

 

Lancing: yoU LIKE YOI???

 

Emo Tea: UM YES???

 

Lancing: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW U LIKED ANIME BUT THEN U COME WITH THAT OMG UR SO COOL ILY

 

Emo Tea: OMG ILY2 I DONT KNOW ANY YOI FANS SO!!!

 

Gremlin: Can we just continue??

 

Emo Tea: Oh yeah, so I put away the Mel shirt (I'll buy it next time)

 

Emo Tea: I just look at this beauty that speaks to me

 

Emo Tea: It was pastel and really cute, with a sun and flowers and just really cute

 

Lancing: thats shocking?? u in anything not emo af??

 

Emo Tea: And in bubbly purple letters it said I'm dead inside

 

Lancing: oh there it is

 

Emo Tea: I love it so much

 

Lancing: but u arent dead inside

 

Emo Tea: Did you forget about my chronic depression??

 

Gremlin: Awe 

 

SunshineBoy: It's okay Keith, if you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm here for you

 

Emo Tea: Thank you Hunk :)

 

SunshineBoy: So what else did you get??

 

Emo Tea: Well I got some lipstick too

 

Lancing: bless my gay heart what

 

Emo Tea: Yeah, it was dark like my soul

 

Emo Tea: I got this cool black choker with these metal rings on them, which is cool

 

Lancing: hot ;)

 

Emo Tea: No

 

Emo Tea: I also got this really cool mesh shirt with a rose on it

 

Gremlin: Tf is mesh??

 

Emo Tea: That material that's seethrough

 

Lancing: slay me

 

Gremlin: Slut

 

Emo Tea: But I still look cute

 

OnionBoy: YOU WILL NOT GO OUT NAKED KEITH

 

Emo Tea: Don't worry, it had a crop top to put under it

 

OnionBoy: You better wear that.

 

Emo Tea: Yes dad

 

Emo Tea: I also got this pink shirt that says feminist

 

Emo Tea: So overall a great shopping trip

 

Lancing: omg ur too cute

 

Emo Tea: Thanks I know

 

Gremlin: This is so gay

 

Allurking: Otp

 

SunshineBoy: ^^^

 

 


	15. This fucknugget is blasting barbie girl at 3 am

***OnionBoy has changed the chat title to Shut up keith!!***

 

Gremlin: What's up with the name???

 

Lancing: idk why the chat is called that but i agree

 

OnionBoy: He is being annoying and I have class in a few hours!!

 

Shatt: I fully agree.

 

Shatt: I a, five seconds away from killing him

 

SunshineBoy: Hey, don't hurt Keith!!

 

Corndaddy: What did the angsty kid do this time??

 

Gremlin: OMG CORAN I MISSED YOU HI

 

Lancing: OMG CORN UR ALIVE!!

 

Corndaddy: I feel so loved! But I was quite busy

 

Emo Tea: I will never shut up, you shut up.

 

OnionBoy: I am five seconds away from spoon feeding you ketchup if you don't turn it down!

 

Lancing: why ketchup???

 

Shatt: Keith hates ketchup with a burning passion

 

Emo Tea: ITS NOT RIGHT!!

 

SunshineBoy: But what is Keith doing??

 

OnionBoy: This fucknugget is blasting barbie girl at 3 am

 

Shatt: It is so annoying, I cried a bit in frustration.

 

Emo Tea: DONT EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT!!! IM SUPPOSE TO APPEAR COOL AND EDGY!!

 

Gremlin: I did not know this, this is amazing

 

Lancing: i mean i can't say i don't understand, bc barbie girl is amazing but its 3 am???

 

Emo Tea: I'm just in one of those moods

 

Lancing: i can be the ken to your barbie

 

Emo Tea: 1. ew 2. thanks for realizing that I'd be barbie

 

Lancing: ye its bc ur so fake

 

Emo Tea: Wow

 

Emo Tea: And just when I was starting to like you

 

Lancing: WAIT BABY NO I WAS KIDDING UR BARBIE BC UR HOT

 

Allurking: I smelled klance and came running

 

SunshineBoy: Relatable

 

OnionBoy: Did you just call my brother hot?

 

Lancing: uuuuuum i meant hot headed psssshh

 

Emo Tea: Excuse you??

 

Lancing: WAIT NO

 

Emo Tea: I thought we were starting to get along

 

Lancing: I WAS KIDDING, KITTEN PLEASE!!

 

Emo Tea: Smh, mothman would never treat me this way

 

Lancing: omg were back to the owl???

 

Emo Tea: UuuUMmUM ITS A MOTH

 

Gremlin: Fight me lance.

 

Lancing: anyWAYS IM JOKING AND ILY UR GREAT

 

Emo Tea: Okay fine, I forgive you

 

Lancing: awe yay

 

Lancing: daddy loves getting kittens forgiveness <3

 

 ***Emo Tea has left the chat***  


	16. Crying in disgust for you

***Lancelot has added ShaymeOnYou to the chat Miss me with that straight shit***

 

Lancelot: heeeeey shay!!

 

ShaymeOnYou: Uuuuuh hey??

 

SunshineBoy: Oh Shay!! I um hi!

 

ShaymeOnYou: Who are you?

 

SunshineBoy: It's me, Hunk!

 

ShaymeOnYou: Oh, the names fitting

 

SunshineBoy: Thank you :)

 

Gremlin: This is so fucking cute

 

Allurking: Otp

 

ShaymeOnYou: The heck is an otp

 

Allurking: Well, my dear

 

SunshineBoy: ONLY TAN PERIODICALLY

 

ShaymeOnYou: Oh

 

ShaymeOnYou: Well, it is solid advice

 

Emo Tea: This is why I love Hunk

 

ShaymeOnYou: And you are?

 

Emo Tea: Don't worry, you probably don't know me

 

Lancelot: ffk Keith, stop being cryptic af

 

Emo Tea: Never!!

 

ShaymeOnYou: Keith? As in Keith Kogane?

 

Emo Tea: No

 

Lancelot: yes thats him

 

ShaymeOnYou: I know who you are!!

 

Emo Tea: What, I barely even know who I am myself??

 

ShaymeOnYou: You're that really gay kid who slayed Lotor into next week

 

Emo Tea: I'm glad that is my legacy

 

Lancelot: im sorry what dod u do???

 

Gremlin: Wait, why am I only finding out about this now??

 

SunshineBoy: Keith, don't be mean to people :(

 

Emo Tea: I'm sorry babe, but it was so worth it

 

ShaymeOnYou: Babe?? Are you two dating??

 

Emo Tea: Lol, he wishes

 

SunshineBoy: No, we're just really close friends :)

 

Lancelot: ye hunkers already likes someone, plus he strait af

 

ShaymeOnYou: Oh :)

 

Gremlin: Okay, but this Lotor story tho???

 

ShaymeOnYou: I'm surprised you didn't know?

 

Emo Tea: I'm surprised you know, it wasn't a big deal

 

ShaymeOnYou: It's a big deal when anybody stands up to that prick

 

SunshineBoy: So you really don't like this guy?

 

ShaymeOnYou: Who does?? He's an entitled rich guy, thinking he can do whatever he wants just because his daddy runs the school

 

SunshineBoy: Ah, I'm sorry to hear that

 

Emo Tea: Eh, it wasn't a huge slay, I just told him the truth

 

Lancelot: OKAY CAN SOMEBODY JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED ALREADY?!?!

 

Gremlin: ^^^

 

Emo Tea: It wasn't that exciting

 

ShaymeOnYou: Seems fake but okay

 

Emo Tea: He kind of came up to hit on me

 

Lancelot: UUUUUUUMMMM WHAT?!

 

Gremlin: Seriously, why am I only finding out about this now???

 

Emo Tea: But hitting on is a long stretch

 

Emo Tea: It was more cringey pick up lines

 

Emo Tea: He said something like Come on baby, don't be shy, ask me out

 

Gremlin: Ew

 

ShaymeOnYou: Crying in disgust for you

 

Lancelot: ill fight him, lemme at him

 

Emo Tea: Now, I would have just punch him but I don't feel like getting expelled

 

Emo Tea: So I just smile and say okay! Now, he was smirking thinking it was that easy to get with all of this

 

Emo Tea: Then I just start glaring at him and say get out.

 

Lancelot: i love you.

 

Gremlin: THATS AMAZING

 

SunshineBoy: Though, I don't condone meanness that was awesome Keith omg

 

Emo Tea: Thanks Hunk :)

 

Emo Tea: Tho, he didn't take the hint and continued

 

Gremlin: He about to catch these hands

 

Emo Tea: He sat next to me and wrapped his crusty arm around me and said I think I can make you very happy

 

Emo Tea: So I slide his arm off in disgust, and say why? Are you leaving?

 

ShaymeOnYou: These are great

 

Lancelot: seriosuly why are we only finding out about this now??

 

Emo Tea: But ofc he did look butthurt, but he thought he'd give it another go!!

 

Lancelot: dang, boi doesnt know what no means

 

Gremlin: Seriously, I'm about to fight him, no means no

 

Emo Tea: Exactly

 

SunshineBoy: I don't like fighting, but like let me at him

 

Emo Tea: Babe defending my honor, so blessed!!

 

Emo Tea: Salty cornchip says something about looking up beautiful in the dictionary and my name being next to it

 

Lancelot: i should use that

 

Emo Tea: So I said oh that's funny, I saw yours next to filthy

 

Lancelot: THAT BACKCLAP THO

 

Gremlin: I raised you right

 

Emo Tea: You raised me left, bc I'm edgy af

 

Gremlin: You cried over a slug bc you thought it was a snail that had lost its shell

 

Emo Tea: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HOMELESS PIDGE!!

 

Emo Tea: Anyways, he started getting really angry and insulted bc 'wow somebody doesn't actually want me?!' So apparently he wanted one more go!! Bc seems like fourth times the charm in his mind

 

Emo Tea: He was getting really bitter, then thought I was playing hard to get

 

Emo Tea: So he simply says I know you want me

 

Emo Tea: I just roll my eyes and say Yes, I want you to leave

 

Gremlin: So proud of my son

 

Emo Tea: He gets really salty and storms away

 

ShaymeOnYou: Now you are like a legend

 

Emo Tea: Mothman would be proud of me

 

ShaymeOnYou: Who??

 

Emo Tea: YOU DONT KNOW MOTHMAN?!

 

Lancelot: okay time to go before nerd here goes on a rant

 


	17. You know, dolphins are into beastiality

***Emo Tea is not chatting with Lancelot***

 

Emo Tea: What if pigs could fly, they're just too shy to show us??

 

Lancelot: wtf keith its 3 am???

 

Emo Tea: You see, I have this little thing called insomnia

 

Lancelot: well how would pigs even fly, they dont have the body

 

Emo Tea: DONT BODY SHAME PIGS WTF

 

Emo Tea: Plus bees can fly even tho they pudgy

 

Lancelot: okay tru, but they dont have wings

 

Emo Tea: Magic

 

Lancelot: okay i bet its time to sleep now night baby

 

Emo Tea: Ugh

 

***5 minutes later***

 

Emo Tea: You know, dolphins are into beastiality

 

Lancelot: what the absolute fuck keith??

 

Emo Tea: Yeah, they have a thong for a different animal, us

 

Emo Tea: So they're into beastiality

 

Lancelot: i mean u arent wrong but

 

Emo Tea: Same with ostriches 

 

Lancelot: i can understand tho, if i was a dolphin and i saw a human as pretty as u id be all over u

 

Emo Tea: Cool, so instead of a chick magnet, I'm a dolphin magnet

 

Lancelot: well more of a lance magnet but okay

 

Emo Tea: Oh please, the only reason you'd be interested in me would be if you had like a hair fetish

 

Lancelot: that and the fact that you're fucking beautiful

 

Emo Tea: I

 

Emo Tea: Wow, Lance is actually being nice what's going on

 

Lancelot: way to ruin the moment

 

Emo Tea: What moment, I don't know what you're talking about

 

Lancelot: goodnight keith

 

Emo Tea: Night Lance

 

***1 hour later***

 

Emo Tea: Thanks by the way, you're beautiful too


	18. It's mothman and bigfoot.

***Lancelot is now chatting in Find that good boy***

 

Lancelot: so like

 

Lancelot: keith has been ignoring me for like a week, should i be worried???

 

Gremlin: He's been ignoring me too

 

OnionBoy: Idk what's going on, he locked himself in his room

 

OnionBoy: Even my special caramel onions wouldn't bring him out

 

Gremlin: It wouldn't bring me out either

 

SunshineBoy: I'm worried, he would leave me on read but not respond

 

Lancelot: thats actually v worrying wtf

 

Lancelot: guys spam the boy with me plz bc like

 

Gremlin: Already ahead of you

 

SunshineBoy: Same

 

OnionBoy: I'm just kind of knocking constantly on his door, but I can try texting

 

***SunshineBoy is now chatting with KeithKogane***

 

SunshineBoy: I see you've changed your name

 

SunshineBoy: It's okay if you don't respond, at least I know you see these

 

SunshineBoy: We're just really worried for you, okay??

 

SunshineBoy: We want our adorable friend back

 

SunshineBoy: Just know you can talk to me whenever, okay??

 

***OnionBoy is now chatting with KeithKogane***

 

OnionBoy: I'm guessing it hasn't been a very good week?

 

OnionBoy: But you can't hole yourself up in your room Keith, it isn't healthy

 

OnionBoy: Please buddy, I'm worried, we're all worried

 

OnionBoy: I love you so much and it hurts to see you like this

 

OnionBoy: I just want you to at least eat something

 

OnionBoy: You know, I can hear you 

 

OnionBoy: It breaks my heart to hear you cry at night

 

OnionBoy: You know you can talk to me right?

 

OnionBoy: I love you dearly, you're my brother

 

KeithKogane: Not by birth.

 

OnionBoy: Keith, that doesn't matter, you are still my brother

 

OnionBoy: I love you okay? You'll always be my brother

 

OnionBoy: I see you aren't even reading these anymore

 

OnionBoy: Just know I love you, and when you're up to it I'll make Matt cook you your favorite meal bc I know you aren't that obsessed with onions

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with KeithKogane***

 

Lancelot: hey princess

 

Lancelot: I miss my little emo baby!!

 

Lancelot: we havent even argued for a whole week???

 

Lancelot: its strange id miss arguing haha

 

Lancelot: but i do

 

Lancelot: in all seriousness i miss you, and how youd get excited over things like mothfoot 

 

KeithKogane: It's mothman and bigfoot.

 

Lancelot: KEITH BABY BUDDY YOURE ALIVE

 

Lancelot: oh and youre gone again

 

Lancelot: well when youre ready, im hear for you okay?

 

Lancelot: i know i joke a lot but im actually a great listener

 

Lancelot: and ik i dont say it much but i care for you keith okay?

 

***Gremlin is now chatting with KeithKogane***

 

Gremlin: It's been a whole week Keith, what is going on?

 

Gremlin: I miss you, you know, and I don't miss anyone!

 

Gremlin: I know you're sad keith, but locking yourself away and not talking to anybody isn't going to help

 

Gremlin: Keith, it's okay if you don't want to talk, I understand

 

Gremlin: But keep your door unlocked

 

Gremlin: I'm coming over, we're going to eat a bunch of junk food, I bought your strawberry pocky

 

Gremlin: And we will binge Ghost Adventures

 

Gremlin: We won't talk, not until you're ready though okay?

 

Gremlin: I love you

 

KeithKogane: Thank you

 

Gremlin: It really is no problem, I'll be right over

 

KeithKogane: Just know I stink...

 

KeithKogane: And my room is a mess...

 

Gremlin: Keith I couldn't care less, just keep the door unlocked

 

KeithKogane: What did I do to deserve somebody like you?

 

Gremlin: Be your amazing self

 

 

***The next day***

 

***Kogayne is now chatting in Find the good boy***

 

Kogayne: Hey

 

Lancelot: BABE HI HELLO I MISSED YOU

 

Kogayne: That's gay

 

Lancelot: no, its bi

 

Kogayne: Nerd

 

Kogayne: I missed you too

 

OnionBoy: I'm glad you finally came out of your room

 

Kogayne: I'm glad I didn't have to eat your food

 

OnionBoy: RUDE MY FOOD IS AMAZING

 

Shatt: I'm glad you liked my food Keith, ignore your pouting brother

 

OnionBoy: I'm not pouting.

 

Shatt: I'm literally laying next to you

 

Allurking: My otp

 

SunshineBoy: I'm just glad you're feeling better Keith :)

 

Kogayne: Thank you guys

 

Kogayne: And sorry for being gone for so long

 

SunshineBoy: It's okay Keith, we all have days where we just can't bring ourselves to interact

 

SunshineBoy: It's just good to see you happier

 

Lancelot: just know im gonna text u a hecka lot bc im having keith withdrawl

 

Kogayne: Lol ily2

 

Allurking: mY OTP???

 

Allurking: But seriosuly, it's good to have you back Keith

 

Allurking: Like, who else am I suppose to give makeovers to??

 

Corndaddy: I have sent over a lovely little get well basket

 

Kogayne: Cool, more corn

 

Corndaddy: Corn solves all misery

 

Kogayne: Lol okay

 

Kogayne: But thank you guys, I don't say it enough but I appreciate you all so much

 

Gremlin: We love you too son

 

SunshineBoy: And we appreciate you a lot too, you mean so much to us all

 

Lancelot: it was nothing, id do anything for my baby

 

OnionBoy: You're so sweet!! I love you too baby bro, I'll make you some delicious onion chips!

 

Kogayne: Plz no

 

Gremlin: Already on my way with takeout

 

Kogayne: Bless my mom

 


	19. I'm lactose intolerant

***Lancelot is now chatting with Kogayne***

 

Lancelot: keef im bored

 

Kogayne: And I'm dying

 

Lancelot: we all are

 

Kogayne: Wow that sounded like something I would say

 

Lancelot: ikr???

 

Lancelot: but plz tell daddy why ur dying

 

Kogayne: I ate a whole carton of icecream

 

Lancelot: why???

 

Kogayne: Lana Del Rey does things to me

 

Lancelot: well duh if somebody eats that much ofc they wouldnt feel well

 

Kogayne: That's not why

 

Lancelot: then why???

 

Kogayne: I'm lactose intolerant 

 

Lancelot: AND YOU ATE ALL THAT DAIRY WHY???

 

Kogayne: I wanted icecream, and Lana made me emotional

 

Lancelot: ffs do u need anything

 

Kogayne: Mothman

 

Lancelot: omg

 

Kogayne: But since I can't have him, I'll take some stomach medicine and a friends marathon

 

Kogayne: Also cuddles

 

Kogayne: Pidge refuses bc I deserve this suffering

 

Lancelot: okay princess hold tight, im on my way

 

Kogayne: Thank you

 

Lancelot: its no problem :)

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunshineBoy***

 

Lancelot: IM WHEEZING

 

SunshineBoy: What happened?

 

Lancelot: KEITH WANTS CUDDLES AND FUCK IM TOO BI FOR THIS

 

SunshineBoy: Omg Keith?? Mr. Don't touch me with a 10 ft pole wants cuddles??

 

Lancelot: ye he doesnt feel good bc he ate dairy like an idiot and wants cuddles

 

SunshineBoy: Aaaaah yeah Keith gets very affectionate when he's sick

 

Lancelot: thats so??? fucking cute?????

 

SunshineBoy: Anyways, why are you texting me whem you should be running to Keith

 

Lancelot: OH RIGHT OKAY YEAH

 

Lancelot: byeee

 

SunshineBoy: Have fun, wear protection

 

Lancelot: were just gonna cuddle hunk

 

SunshineBoy: Just go to the poor sick boy

 

Lancelot: omw!!

 

SunshineBoy: I can't keep up with these slang words you kids do

 

***3 hours later***

 

Lancelot: omg hes too cute wtf???

 

Lancelot: what happened to the boy who would literally cut me???

 

Lancelot: hes like a fucking kitten what???

 

SunshineBoy: Tell me more, this is adorable

 

Lancelot: he fell asleep and 

 

Lancelot: hes cuddled up to me and he snores so lightly

 

Lancelot: its so cute i cant

 

SunshineBoy: Aweeee, you two are adorable!!!

 

Lancelot: anyways i gtg me moving is waking him up

 

SunshineBoy: Okay have fun :)

 

***SunshineBoy is now chatting with Allurking***

 

SunshineBoy: MY KLANCE HEART


	20. It is pretty obvious who I like tho

***OnionBoy is now chatting with Shatt***

 

OnionBoy: I know who you have a crush on

 

Shatt: Oh, so no hey matt how's your day?

 

OnionBoy: Hey matt, how's your day?

 

Shatt: Good, hbu??

 

OnionBoy: Good, now I know who you have a crush on

 

Shatt: Oh?

 

OnionBoy: Yeah

 

Shatt: Who?

 

OnionBoy: I'm surprised I'm only realizing this now, it was so obvious!

 

Shatt: Haha yeah

 

OnionBoy: I can't believe you have a thing for Allura

 

Shatt: The fuck

 

OnionBoy: Yeah!

 

OnionBoy: The way you two have secret jokes, you two text a lot! It honestly makes so much more sense now

 

Shatt: No offense Shiro, I love you and all, but you're an idiot

 

OnionBoy: What why

 

Shatt: I don't have a crush on Allura

 

OnionBoy: Oh

 

Shatt: It is pretty obvious who I like tho

 

OnionBoy: Wait...

 

OnionBoy: HOW COULD YOU

 

Shatt: I'm sorry Shiro, I can't help it

 

OnionBoy: MY OWN BROTHER?! HE'S LIKE 5!!!

 

Shatt: Oh my god

 

Shatt: I DONT LIKE KEITH HES LIKE A BROTHER TO ME FFS

 

OnionBoy: Oh good, I'd hate to have to fight you

 

Shatt: Id you even tried to fight me, I'd burn all of your onions

 

OnionBoy: You're so evil

 

OnionBoy: I can see where Pidge gets it from

 

Shatt: :)

 

OnionBoy: Then who do you have a crush on??

 

OnionBoy: Is it Hunk?

 

OnionBoy: I bet it's Hunk, he's such a sweetheart

 

Shatt: Omg no, it's not Hunk

 

OnionBoy: Do I know the person??

 

Shatt: You can say that

 

OnionBoy: Way to be ominous 

 

Shatt: Here's a hint, he can't cook to save his life

 

OnionBoy: YOU SAID YOU DIDNT LIKE KEITH

 

Shatt: Oh my god, bye

 

OnionBoy: MATT HOLT YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW

 

OnionBoy: Oh, you so don't get my special onion casserole tonight.

 

Shatt: God bless


	21. Lol okay Draco

***PrinceWithPower is now chatting with Kogayne***

 

PrinceWithPower: You could be my princess, baby

 

Kogayne: Tf??

 

Kogayne: No I'm good whoever this is

 

PrinceWithPower: Oh how silly of me, it's the man of your dreams

 

Kogayne: Mothman??

 

PrinceWtihPower: Who? Nvm no, it's Lotor

 

Kogayne: Ah so when you said man of my dreams you meant nightmare

 

PrinceWithPower: This is why you piqued my interest

 

PrinceWithPower: Nobody ever has played hard to get with me besides you

 

Kogayne: I'm not playing, I'm literally just not interested

 

PrinceWithPower: Sure kitten, just keep playing

***Kogayne is now chatting in Pudding saves lives***

 

Pidgeotto: All I'm saying is pudding is my hero so go fuck yourself

 

SunshineBoy: No need to be rude Pidge, everybody has their opinions

 

ShaymeOnYou: Pudding can burn in hell.

 

Kogayne: GUYS

 

Kogayne: IM SCREECHING

 

Lancelot: what did mcr get back together

 

Kogayne: Don't play with my feelings like that.

 

Kogayne: Anyways no, frickin Lotor texted me

 

Pidgeotto: How'd he even get your kik???

 

Kogayne: Oh, I didn't even think of that

 

Lancelot: what he even want??

 

Kogayne: Me apparently

 

Kogayne: I guess me dragging him wanted me even more

 

Kogayne: Brb he's spamming me

 

Lancelot: block that hoe

 

ShaymeOnYou: I knew he was desperate but dang

 

***Kogayne is now chatting with PrinceWithPower***

 

PrinceWithPower: It's okay, I know you want me

 

PrinceWithPower: Everybody wants me

 

PrinceWithPower: I'm rich, I'm handsome, I have power! I'm the whole package

 

PrinceWithPower: I even have a big package ;)

 

PrinceWithPower: No need to keep playing, just be mine already

 

Kogayne: Can you shut the fuck up? Okay clearly you do not understand me so I'll break it down for you so your pea sized brain can understand

 

Kogayne: The only thing I want from you is for you to leave me alone and never bother me again. I physically cannot care less about how much money you have, money does not equal a good person. It does equal a whiney brat who thinks he's all powerful and is a wannabe prince. Newsflash you aren't. Your daddy just owns the school (who cares). Your level of handsomeness is about the same as a crusty used bandaid. Every time I even glance at your face, my stomach churns with disgust. And I bet my pink finger is twice the size of your oh so big package. 

 

Kogayne: I. Am. Not. Interested.

 

PrinceWithPower: Wait until my father hears about this!

 

Kogayne: Lol okay Draco

 

***Kogayne is now chatting in Pudding saves lives***

 

Kogayne: So I might get expelled

 

Pidgeotto: Oh god, what did you do

 

Kogayne: *sent screenshot*

 

SunshineBoy: KEITH THAT IS NOT NICE

 

Kogayne: He wouldn't take no for an answer, I had to make sure he understood

 

Lancelot: nice hp reference, but i dont want u gone

 

Kogayne: I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do

 

Pidgeotto: Don't worry, you won't get expelled

 

Kogayne: How do you know? I insulted the guys kid!

 

Pidgeotto: I have my ways

 

Kogayne: Should I be scared?

 

Pidgeotto: No, but Lotor should be

 

***Pidgeotto is now chatting with PrinceWithPower***

 

Pidgeotto: So I heard some very interesting things from my friend Keith

 

PrinceWithPower: Just know I will make sure he will get expelled and unable to get into any other school.

 

Pidgeotto: Oh that's cute, but you won't and I'll tell you why

 

Pidgeotto: You see, I've gotten a very interesting image

 

Pidgeotto: Maybe of a certain 'prince' 

 

PrinceWithPower: What are you talking about? You have nothing on me

 

Pidgeotto: Oh really?

 

Pidgeotto: I'm sure your daddy would just love to see his underaged son not only getting wasted, but buying a prostitute

 

Pidgeotto: Same with the news

 

PrinceWithPower: You're lying

 

Pidgeotto: Unlike you, I wouldn't lie about something like this

 

PrinceWithPower: You wouldn't dare

 

Pidgeotto: Oh but I would

 

Pidgeotto: Unless you leave me and my friends alone, especially Keith

 

PrinceWithPower: Fine.

 

Pidgeotto: Pleasure doing business with you :)


	22. YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE THROAT

***Kogayne is now chatting in Pudding saves lives***

 

OnionBoy: Okay, but just imagine a tub full of onions

 

Shatt: Why am I friends with you?

 

Kogayne: Hey guys

 

Shatt: Hey little man

 

Lancelot: omg its the loser

 

Kogayne: Stop talking bad about yourself Lance

 

SunshineBoy: Hey Keith :)

 

Pidgeotto: Ew it's my emo son

 

Kogayne: Feeling the love :')

 

Kogayne: Hey shiro

 

OnionBoy: So Matt how are you doing

 

Kogayne: Really shiro? You're still mad?

 

Lancelot: oh no what did u do

 

Kogayne: I didn't do anything!!

 

OnionBoy: Didn't do anything?!

 

OnionBoy: YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE THROAT

 

Pidgeotto: Omg Keith, what did I tell you about hitting others?!

 

Lancelot: why would u hurt dad

 

Shatt: Lol get rekt

 

Kogayne: IT WAS BY ACCIDENT

 

Kogayne: And I slapped it, not punched.

 

Lancelot: how do u accidently hit someone in the throat

 

Kogayne: He was blasting music so loud people were looking at us, so I was dying of embarrassment

 

Kogayne: Then he suddenly leans to scream the lyrics in my face, so I reacted

 

Kogayne: I meant to slap his shoulder, but I missed

 

Pidgeotto: So it's Shiro's fault

 

OnionBoy: How is it my fault?!

 

Pidgeotto: My son has anxiety, that acted up his anxiety

 

Pidgeotto: Your fault

 

SunshineBoy: Still, violence is never the answer

 

SunshineBoy: It's both of your faults

 

Lancelot: same hunk

 

Kogayne: I apologized, he's still mad at me

 

Kogayne: Like sorry I have social anxiety damn

 

OnionBoy: No Keith, I'm sorry

 

OnionBoy: I was being childish, I didn't think about your anxiety

 

Kogayne: It's okay

 

OnionBoy: It isn't, I'm sorry Keith, I'll think next time

 

Kogayne: I forgive you

 

OnionBoy: I'm so blessed to get such an amazing brother

 

Kogayne: Getting mushy on me, ew

 

Kogayne: I love you too tho

 

Lancelot: THIS WAS SO FUCKING CUTE

 

Lancelot: almost as cute as keith

 

Kogayne: So it wasn't cute what so ever

 

Lancelot: bish what? ur literally the cutest thing ever

 

Pidgeotto: Keith shut up, you're like an adorable kitten

 

SunshineBoy: You're so cute, I could cry

 

OnionBoy: You get your adorable looks from me

 

Kogayne: I'm not a kitten, I'm a terrifying scary person

 

Kogayne: But thanks

 

Shatt: Well this was a precious bonding moment


	23. we should make purple ;)

***Kogayne is now chatting with Lancelot***

 

Kogayne: Hey

 

Lancelot: wtf its 3 am???

 

Kogayne: Sorry

 

Kogayne: I'll just go

 

Lancelot: no its okay babe whats wrong??

 

Kogayne: Nothing's wrong

 

Lancelot: keith i know youre lying

 

Lancelot: you can tell me anything, im here for you okay?

 

Kogayne: It's stupid anyways

 

Lancelot: im sure that isnt true

 

Kogayne: It's just...

 

Kogayne: It's nothing really, I just had a nightmare

 

Lancelot: oh keith

 

Kogayne: See, I told you it was stupid!

 

Lancelot: that isnt stupid

 

Lancelot: is there anything i can do to help?

 

Kogayne:I don't know

 

Kogayne: I know you aren't just going to come over with idk gummy bears, so I guess talking is the next best thing

 

Lancelot: brb

 

Kogayne: Oh okay

 

***20 mins later***

 

Kogayne: Lance?? Did you fall asleep or something?

 

Lancelot: sorry babe, im here now

 

Kogayne: What were you even doing??

 

Lancelot: getting gummy bears

 

Kogayne: I wish I had some :/

 

Lancelot: well they are for u so

 

Kogayne: Wait what

 

Lancelot: look out ur window

 

Kogayne: Holy fuck Lance, I was joking when I suggested coming over!

 

Lancelot: id do anything for you <3

 

Kogayne: You're seriously the best

 

Lancelot: Ik :)

 

Lancelot: now can u open the door im freezing

 

Kogayne: Yeah, hold on

 

***30 mins later***

 

Lancelot: aweeee ur adorable

 

Kogayne: You're literally next to me, why are you texting??

 

Lancelot: too lazy to speak

 

Kogayne: Okay, well I'm not adorable

 

Lancelot: u areeee

 

Lancelot: ur like a kitten all cuddled into me

 

Kogayne: More like a tiger

 

Kogayne: So big and scary

 

Lancelot: thats what she said

 

Kogayne: Way to ruin the moment

 

Lancelot: awe baby i was kidding

 

Lancelot: OMG UR BLUSHING THIS IS SO

 

Lancelot: do u always blush when i call u baby?? thats fucking precious

 

Kogayne: I'm not blushing, my face just likes wearing red

 

Lancelot: well red is ur color

 

Kogayne: And blue is yours

 

Lancelot: we should make purple ;)

 

Kogayne: Ew that's disgusting

 

Lancelot: ur blush begs to differ

 

Kogayne: Suddenly I can't read

 

Lancelot: awe and u have the cutest little yawn ever!!

 

Kogayne: Lies

 

Lancelot: um no im a truther

 

Kogayne: A what

 

Lancelot: u know a truther?? drake and josh??

 

Kogayne: Who's that

 

Lancelot: okay forget sleep were binge watching this show

 

Kogayne: No, I wanna stay and cuddle

 

Lancelot: we can cuddle while i educate u on this amazing show

 

Kogayne: Don't wanna, it's nice to just listen to your heartbeat

 

Kogayne: Okay that sounded more creepy than how I meant it

 

Lancelot: aweee okay fine princess we can watch it another time

 

Kogayne: I'm tired

 

Lancelot: sleep then

 

Kogayne: I can't

 

Lancelot: is there anything i can do to help??

 

Kogayne: Play with my hair?

 

Lancelot: sure anything for u

 

Kogayne: Thank you

 

Lancelot: no problem sweetheart

 

Kogayne: I like when you hum, it's nice

 

Lancelot: want me to sing u a lullaby

 

Kogayne: Yes please

 

Lancelot: one lullaby coming right up 


	24. im such a good husband

***Lancelot has changed the chat name to Save keef from himself***

 

Pidgeotto: What's up with the name? I mean I agree but like

 

SunshineBoy: What did he do this time

 

Lancelot: it was amazing im crying

 

Lancelot: he tried to get out of bed but tripped and flung into the wall 

 

Lancelot: then bc of that hel fell backward and grabbed the closest thing to him which was his book case

 

Lancelot: now hes like lying on the floor surrounded by books and says he gives up on life

 

Pidgeotto: Yup sounds like my son

 

SunshineBoy: Oh no, I hope he's okay!

 

Lancelot: he is

 

Lancelot: minus the groans of teenage dispair

 

Pidgeotto: Naw, you get those with Keith

 

Lancelot: he refuses to get up

 

Lancelot: he says he lives in the floor now, and that hell just die there

 

SunshineBoy: Tell him I'll help him clean up later

 

Lancelot: wtf

 

Lancelot: he legit started crying and said bless hunk

 

Pidgeotto: He gets like that in the morning, just give him some tea

 

Lancelot: gotcha

 

Pidgeotto: Make sure to put in a lot of sugar and milk, he likes it sweet

 

Lancelot: okay thx

 

Pidgeotto: Seriously, he gets fussy when it's too bitter

 

Lancelot: OKAY MOM

 

***10 mins later***

 

Lancelot: hes on the kitchen floor saying his life is over

 

Pidgeotto: You made the tea bitter, didn't you

 

Lancelot: I ADDED A WHOLE 3 TABLESPOONS OF SUGAR AND A LOT OF MILK!!

 

Pidgeotto: That isn't enough sugar, he likes half a cup, same with the milk

 

Lancelot: wtf?? hes going to die

 

Pidgeotto: Just do it, I want my son to be happy

 

Lancelot: ugh fine

 

SunshineBoy: Um guys? Isn't Keith lactose intolerant?

 

Pidgeotto: He says he doesn't care if it'll kill him, it makes the tea taste amazing

 

Lancelot: its too late now anyways, he drank it all

 

Lancelot: okay hes finally getting off of the floor

 

Pidgeotto: See, he's easy to deal with when you know how to handle him

 

Lancelot: he said i made good tea, i feel blessed

 

Lancelot: im such a good husband

 

Pidgeotto: I give you my blessing to marry my son

 

Lancelot: thanks pidge :')

 

Lancelot: or can i call you mom now? 

 

Pidgeotto: No, you call me Pidge.

 

Lancelot: wow movies are right, mother in laws are evil

 

Pidgeotto: You know it

 

***1 hour later***

 

 

 

Lancelot: im bored

 

SunshineBoy: What about, oh I don't know, play with Keith

 

Lancelot: id play with him any day ;)

 

SunshineBoy: Ew he's like 5

 

Pidgeotto: Keith's probs taking a nap

 

Lancelot: yup hes napping and im bored

 

OnionBoy: Um shouldn't you be in class?

 

Onionboy: WAIT SHOULDNT KEITH BE IN CLASS?!

 

OnionBoy: IF HES SKIPPING AGAIN I SWEAR

 

Lancelot: hes um napping in class??

 

OnionBoy: Wake him up, he can't sleep in class!!

 

Lancelot: hahahaha okay yes bc learning is amazing and keith will love to learn about this cool um robot stuff

 

OnionBoy: He should be in art class.

 

Lancelot: WERE DRAWING ROBOTS IN ART CLASS OKAY BYE!!

 

Pidgeotto: Lol Lance fucked up

 

Shatt: Shouldn't you be in class too?

 

Pidgeotto: You see um

 

Pidgeotto: Wait, aren't you suppose to be teaching a class?

 

Shatt: Touche...

 

Shatt: But go to class or I'll tell mom

 

Pidgeotto: Ugh it's just gardening class!!

 

Pidgeotto: I don't want to!!

 

Shatt: Well you shouldn't have chosen it then.

 

Pidgeotto: I DIDNT CHOOSE IT

 

Pidgeotto: THERE WAS NO MORE ROOM IN THE COMPUTER PROGRAMMING CLASS FOR ME TO GO IN SO THEY STUCK ME WITH THE ONLY CLASS STILL AVAILABLE

 

Pidgeotto: BC SOME IDIOT TOLD ME THAT HED HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO TURN IN MY CLASS CHOOSING PAPER

 

Shatt: I SAID I WAS SORRY!

 

Shatt: But it's still class, now go

 

Pidgeotto: Ugh I'm disowning you.

 

Shatt: As long as you go to class

 

Pidgeotto: Bye, have fun teaching stupid robotics

 

Shatt: I will

 

SunshineBoy: Was I the only one not actually skipping?

 

SunshineBoy: Skipping is bad, shame on you guys!

 

Pidgeotto: What are you talking about? Your mathmatics class started like half an hour ago?

 

SunshineBoy: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT FRICK OKAY BYE


	25. My actual hero

***Kogayne is now chatting with Lancelot***

 

Kogayne: Do you have any plans for today

 

Lancelot: um not really why

 

Kogayne: Good, come over

 

Lancelot: u want me that bad awe keef

 

Kogayne: Yeah, I want you and your cooking

 

Kogayne: Shiro is trying to make this onion fest and I really don't want it

 

Kogayne: Please cook dinner for me

 

Lancelot: omg okay sure babe

 

Kogayne: My actual hero

 

Lancelot: anytime love

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunsshineBoy***

 

Lancelot: heeeeeeey hunkers!!

 

SunshineBoy: Oh god what did you do

 

Lancelot: wow u just assume i did something??

 

SunshineBoy: Lance I know you so what did you do

 

Lancelot: i can't come over today I'm going to keiths im sorry

 

SunshineBoy: Eh it's fine, I've been trying to find a way to break it to you that I couldn't do the whole dinner thing either

 

Lancelot: oooooh why

 

SunshineBoy: Shay asked me to the movies today

 

Lancelot: WHY AM I ONLY FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS TODAY???

 

SunsehineBoy: It was last minute okay!! And it's as friends!

 

Lancelot: sure hunk sure

 

SunshineBoy: Anyways I have to get ready

 

Lancelot: ofc u gotta look snazzy for ur date!

 

SunshineBoy: Shouldn't you be trying to look all nice for Keith?

 

Lancelot: hed like me any way i came

 

Lancelot: but ye i actually should start getting ready oops

 

SunshineBoy: Have fun on your date!

 

Lancelot: u too buddy


	26. i lost out to a bird.....

***Kogayne has changed the chat name to Andy be my daddy***

 

Lancelot: um what is this crap??

 

Kogayne: So we all know Andy from bvb, well I was watching his videos under Andy black and fuck

 

Kogayne: I am too gay for this

 

Kogayne: He is so beautiful, I cried a bit

 

Kogayne: Andy please be my daddy omg 

 

Kogayne: His voice is literal sex

 

Lancelot: he isnt that great im better

 

Kogayne: Lol sure

 

Kogayne: Plus guys with lip rings are so hot??? I can't???

 

Lancelot: huh cool

 

Pidgeotto: Can you chill your gay for like 5 seconds Keith omg

 

PIdgeotto: But yes andy has a nice face

 

SunshineBoy: I think Lance is a better catch

 

Lancelot: thank u buddy :')

 

Kogayne: I mean yeah Lance is a great catch and all, but Andy is a literal god

 

Lancelot: AWE KEEF THINKS IM A GREAT CATCH

 

Kogayne: Well you are, you're funny, you're cute and you're really sweet you're like the whole package

 

Lancelot: omg lance.exe has stopped working

 

SunshineBoy: You two are so cute awe!!

 

Pidgeotto: Just date already

 

Kogayne: I'm just saying, Lance could have anybody he's an amazing person and should be more confident

 

Lancelot: not anybody

 

Kogayne: Yes anybody, I'm sure you could even win my daddy Andy over (but plz dont I call dibs)

 

Lancelot: what about u ;)

 

Kogayne: I'm taken by mothman, but if I wasn't sure Lance

 

Lancelot: i lost out to a bird.....

 

Kogayne: HES A MOTH

 

Lancelot: wait but if he isnt real that means u are single which means i can have u

 

Kogayne: UM DID YOU JUST SAY MOTHMAN ISNT REAL?!?!

 

Pidgeotto: Mothman is as real as you and me Lance.

 

Kogayne: Come over, I'm going to show you all of the proof that he is real, plus all of the documentaries

 

Lancelot: at least i get to spend some alone time with u ig ugh

 

Pidgeotto: I'll come and bring all my books on mothman too

 

Lancelot: well there goes that idea

 

Kogayne: Oh! Grab the scrapbook too, I left it there last week

 

Pidgeotto: Already packed

 

Lancelot: help me

 

SunshineBoy: I feel no pity


	27. Is onion a color

***Pidgeotto is now chatting in Dont cry craft***

 

Pidgeotto: If you were a crayon what color would you be

 

Pidgeotto: I'd be screamin' green

 

Pidgeotto: As I am green that is constantly screaming into oblivion

 

ShaymeOnYou: Well then

 

ShaymeOnYou: Unmellow yellow ig, as I have no mellow there is no chill

 

Lancelot: periwinkle all the way

 

MothmanLover: Is it cause you're gay

 

Lancelot: excuse u im bi

 

Lancelot: also did you really make that ur name keef

 

MothmanLover: Jealous?

 

Lancelot: lol u wish

 

Lancelot: anyways no, its bc thats my fav color

 

Lancelot: it makes me think of home, when my abuela would read to me in the morning and i would look up at the morning sky and it was just so clear blue. or when id take my little cousins down to the beach and i swear the water was crystal it was beautiful

 

MothmanLover: Wow Lance, that was actually kind of beautiful

 

Pidgeotto: I did not expect a deep answer omg

 

Lancelot: just sayin

 

Allurking: I'd be razzle dazzle rose

 

MothmanLover: wtf

 

Allurking: I found it in this weird crayon pack, it spoke to me

 

Lancelot: thats an amazing name omg

 

Allurking: ikr??

 

Corndaddy: Is corn a crayon color

 

Pidgeotto: Omg no cornman

 

Corndaddy: Well it is now

 

Pidgeotto: Why do I bother?

 

MothmanLover: Bc you love us

 

Pidgeotto: I tolerate

 

OnionBoy: Is onion a color

 

Pidgeotto: Ffs no!

 

OnionBoy: Then I'd be a metallic silver

 

OnionBoy: It's pretty and makes me think of the stars

 

OnionBoy: And also Matt for some reason

 

Shatt: Oh thats yeah so cool dude bro hahaha

 

Shatt: Can I be emerald

 

Shatt: It's a pretty green, and a gem like me

 

Pidgeotto: First, you two are too gay for me

 

Pidgeotto: Second, ew but sure matt

 

SunshineBoy: Hiii

 

SunshineBoy: What did I miss??

 

ShaymeOnYou: We're talking about what color crayon would we be

 

SunshineBoy: Oh that's easy, I'd be banana mania

 

ShaymeOnYou: That's an interesting color

 

SunshineBoy: It's a nice yellow color and I like bananas

 

MothmanLover: Hi, I'm bananas

 

Lancelot: ew

 

SunshineBoy: Haha good one Keith

 

MothmanLover: Thanks Hunk, at least you appreciate my humor :)

 

Pidgeotto: Keith you're the only one who didn't answer

 

Lancelot: i bet he says black like my soul

 

Pidgeotto: Lol same

 

MothmanLover: White, because it's useless

 

Pidgeotto: I DIDNT EXPECT MY FEELS TO HURT NO MY EMO SON

 

SunshineBoy: Keith no you are not useless

 

Lancelot: yeah you just need to find your black paper

 

MothmanLover: Awe guys thank you

 

Lancelot: hi im black paper

 

MothmanLover: Guess we're made for each other

 

Pidgeotto: No you were made in china, like the rest of the crayons

 

Lancelot: way to ruin a moment pidge

 

Pidgeotto: It's what I do best :) 


	28. im too bi for this

***Pidgeotto has changed the chat name to Forget you keith***

 

Lancelot: what did he do this time

 

Pidgeotto: He left me alone in class today

 

Pidgeotto: We had to do a partner project but he wasn't here

 

Pidgeotto: I had to end up working with Nyma

 

Lancelot: ooooh shes pretty

 

Pidgeotto: Yeah, pretty bitchy

 

Pidgeotto: I spam keith about why he left me alone

 

Pidgeotto: He just hits me with a lol didn't feel like going

 

Pidgeotto: I'm upset and bitter

 

Lancelot: awe im sure it wasnt that bad

 

Pidgeotto: You have no idea.

 

Pidgeotto: So now I'm going to tell a delightful tale of Keith

 

Lancelot: go on

 

MothmanLover: Um excuse you?? What do you mean a tale about keith??

 

Pidgeotto: It's called pink and frilly

 

MothmanLover: PIDGE NO

 

Lancelot: oh yeah i forgot u said u had blackmail on him

 

Lancelot: now u gotta tell me omg

 

MothmanLover: NO JUST IGNORE HER OKAY

 

MothmanLover: PIDGE WHY

 

Pidgeotto: It's called revenge.

 

Pidgeotto: It was pretty early in school, we had an english assignment to present together, it was an acting scene

 

MothmanLover: I'm dying

 

MothmanLover: Tell shiro I never loved his onions

 

Lancelot: i have no idea where this is gonna go but

 

Pidgeotto: Now this idiot was playing the maiden who dies

 

Lancelot: relatable

 

Pidgeotto: So he wants to look the part, he wears this flower dress thinking he looked cute

 

Pidgeotto: Well he did ofc, he's my beautiful emo son

 

MothmanLover: Awe pidge!! That would have been cute if you weren't about to expose me

 

Pidgeotto: So he goes to fall to the ground, bc well he died

 

Lancelot: wait what

 

Pidgeotto: In the play, I had to stab him so he pretends to die

 

Lancelot: ah okay carry on

 

MothmanLover: I'm getting embarrassment all over again

 

Pidgeotto: When he falls, his dress goes up

 

Pidgeotto: He had accidentally flashed the whole classroom

 

Lancelot: OMG WHAT

 

MothmanLover: Teacher included

 

Lancelot: THATS AMAZING OMG I

 

Lancelot: whys it called pink and frilly tho

 

Pidgeotto: His underwear or 'panties' in this case was pink and frilly

 

MothmanLover: Don't call them panties omg ew

 

Pidgeotto: Not my fault you wore your hoe underwear

 

Lancelot: u wear panties???

 

MothmanLover: Yeah they're pretty so

 

Lancelot: oh yah cool hahahaha yeah okay bro dude bro

 

MothmanLover: Are you okay??

 

Lancelot: yeah totallly

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunshineBoy***

 

Lancelot: I AM NOT OKAY

 

SunshineBoy: What happened??

 

Lancelot: keith wears panties

 

Lancelot: bless my bi heart bc

 

Lancelot: im too bi for this

 

Lancelot: like lance.exe has stopped working idek anymore

 

SunshineBoy: Honestly, I don't know how to respond to this

 

SunshineBoy: Like are you freaking out because you find it cute that a hot person wears panties, or is it because it's keith who wears them

 

Lancelot: IDK KEITH IG???

 

Lancelot: like i wouldnt care if someone else did it

 

Lancelot: why does that even matter

 

SunshineBoy: Oh bless your sweet oblivious heart

 

SunshineBoy: Just think about it

 

SunshineBoy: Why does Keith make you feel well all IjdhnnzdpzoarnaP

 

Lancelot: idk?? Bc its keith?? hes like hot and perfect

 

SunshineBoy: Is it just his looks that make you feel some type of way

 

Lancelot: first never say some type of way again

 

Lancelot: second no ofc not!!

 

Lancelot: hes just such a frickin nerd it is so adorable

 

Lancelot: like he would text me at 3 am going on about like idk how the moon landing was fake

 

Lancelot: i csnt get annoyed bc he seems so passionate and it is so frickin cute!!

 

Lancelot: and he tries to act so hardcore but hes really just a fluff ball

 

Lancelot: like how is he even real??

 

Lancelot: hes just aaaaah

 

SunshineBoy: Awe Lanceeee!!

 

Lancelot: but i dont understand??? like why do i feel like this????? like hes keith!! the edgy person who is obsessed with knives!! 

 

SunshineBoy: Sounds like you're in love

 

Lancelot: ME??? IN LOVE WITH KEITH???

 

SunshineBoy: Think about it Lance

 

SunshineBoy: You don't want him crushing on anybody else but you, you even got jealous of mothman

 

SunshineBoy: You flirt with him, but also you stopped flirting with others

 

SunshineBoy: You basically glow when he texts you, it's pretty sickening in a cute way

 

SunshineBoy: Just really think about it

 

Lancelot: lol im not in love with keef

 

***30 minutes later***

 

Lancelot: am i a fucking idiot???

 

SunshineBoy: What?? What happened??

 

Lancelot: HOW DID I NOT REALIZE I HAD A THING FOR KEITH???

 

Lancelot: IT WAS SO OBVIOUS WHAT THE HELL

 

SunshineBoy: Ah so you finally realized

 

Lancelot: frick man

 

Lancelot: now what??

 

SunshineBoy: Well that's up to you, do you want to date him or??

 

Lancelot: i wanna date the heck out of him

 

SunshineBoy: Then there you go

 

Lancelot: im gonna woo the heck out of keith 

 

SunshineBoy: Aweeeee my son has grown up so fast!

 


	29. Holy heck I love you

***Lancelot is now chatting with MothmanLover***

 

Lancelot: i still hate ur name omg

 

MothmanLover: And I love it

 

Lancelot: so keith

 

Lancelot: i was wondering

 

Lancelot: are u homework bc i wanna bang u on a table and do u all night long

 

MothmanLover: FUCK I FORGOT MY HOMEWORK

 

MothmanLover: Thanks for reminding me Lance, bye bye

 

Lancelot: haha yeah sure babe...

 

***The next day***

 

Lancelot: hey do u have a bandaid

 

Lancelot: bc i scraped my knee falling for u

 

MothmanLover: God damnit Lance you're so clumsy, hold on I'll go see if I have a bandaid

 

Lancelot: i

 

Lancelot: thanks beautiful

 

MothmanLover: No problem

 

***Another day later***

 

MothmanLover: Ugh I'm tired of all these vegetables Shiro is trying to make me eat

 

MothmanLover: Like let me just have my chips, they're a vegetable!!

 

Lancelot: babe i

 

Lancelot: no

 

Lancelot: but if u were a vegetable u'd be a cutecumber

 

MothmanLover: If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple

 

Lancelot: ASNFKSZNSWNLF KEITH

 

MothmanLover: Ha I win

 

Lancelot: it wasnt a competition i

 

MothmanLover: Whatever I still won

 

Lancelot: sure kitten whatever u say

 

***A day into Lance still being thirsty af***

 

Lancelot: are u religious, bc ur the answers to all my prayers

 

MothmanLover: Wtf Lance you know I'm atheist

 

Lancelot: omg

 

Lancelot: lets try another one

 

Lancelot: hey i like ur pants, but theyd look better on my floor

 

MothmanLover: You can't have my pants Lance.

 

MothmanLover: Go buy your own pants

 

Lancelot: i give up

 

MothmanLover: What??

 

MothmanLover: Lance??

 

***Ofc it's a day of feeling bad for Lance again***

 

Lancelot: do u have sunburn or are u always this hot

 

MothmanLover: How'd you know I had sunburn??

 

Lancelot: wait what

 

Lancelot: keith how??

 

Lancelot: its not even that hot out?? 

 

MothmanLover: Pale skin struggles

 

MothmanLover: Everything hurts

 

Lancelot: ill come over and we can finally do that drake and josh marathon

 

Lancelot: ill even bring u a ton of gummy bears

 

MothmanLover: Holy heck I love you

 

Lancelot: i love you too

 

***In the morning***

 

Lancelot: was ur father an alien bc theres nothing else like u on this world

 

MothmanLover: I wouldn't know, I don't know my father

 

Lancelot: i um okay bad like i 

 

Lancelot: my names lance but u can call me urs

 

MothmanLover: Lance I already know your name

 

Lancelot: omg nvm

 

***The next day***

 

Lancelot: if u were a triangle ud be acute one

 

MothmanLover: And you'd be obtuse

 

Lancelot: RUDE

 

MothmanLover: I'm kidding

 

MothmanLover: You'd be a right, because you're right for me

 

Lancelot: did

 

Lancelot: did u just flirt with me

 

MothmanLover: Oh I have to go, Shiro wants me to help cut the onions

 

Lancelot: WAIT DID U JUST FLIRT WITH ME

 

Lancelot: KEITH

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunshineBoy***

 

Lancelot: after a week of flirting with keith he has finally flirted back

 

Lancelot: and im not okay

 

SunshineBoy: Awe I'm so proud of you lance!!

 

Lancelot: thank u bean

 

Lancelot: how are u with shay??

 

SunshineBoy: Actually, we have a date tonight

 

Lancelot: OMG MY OTP HAS A DATE??

 

Lancelot: wait is it like that friend date at the movies or an actual date

 

SunshineBoy: An actual date

 

Lancelot: OKAY OMG MY OTP HAS A DATE

 

Lancelot: i feel like a child watching their mother get back into the dating game

 

SunshineBoy: You're so weird omg

 

Lancelot: but u love me

 

SunshineBoy: That is true


	30. Thats it I have to fight her

***MothmanLover is now chatting in Onions are underrated***

 

MothmanLover: I have never felt so attacked before

 

OnionBoy: What happened??

 

OnionBoy: Do I need to fight somebody

 

Shatt: You cry when you have to kill a bug

 

OnionBoy: They did nothing wrong matt!! Why do I need to hurt them for no reason!!

 

Shatt: Why do I like you

 

OnionBoy: Aweeee I like you too

 

MothmanLover: Enough about your clear gay love, this is about me

 

 

OnionBoy: Sorry what happened

 

OnionBoy: Share the tragic tale with your big bro

 

MothmanLover: Why did you phrase that so weird omg

 

Lancelot: did i hear about somebody attacking my princess

 

MothmanLover: Yeah it was so rude

 

Pidgeotto: Who hurt my son

 

MothmanLover: I was just innocently sitting on the bench by the campus fountain

 

MothmanLover: You know that nemo girl??

 

Pidgeotto: NEMO XD

 

MothmanLover: What isn't that her name

 

Lancelot: babe its nyma

 

MothmanLover: Whatever

 

MothmanLover: So this nemo girl comes over being salty for some reason

 

MothmanLover: She just comes over to me and spews this nonsense

 

Lancelot: whatd she say

 

Pidgeotto: Want me to fight her

 

Shatt: Pidge no you don't even know what she said

 

Pidgeotto: Ik but I've always wanted to fight her shes rude

 

Shatt: Pidge no

 

Pidgeotto: Fine

 

Pidgeotto: For now

 

OnionBoy: Go on keith what'd she do

 

MothmanLover: She said something along the lines of why would Lance choose you over me, you look like an ugly gerard way wanna be reject

 

MothmanLover: WHICH RUDE 

 

Lancelot: oh god

 

Pidgeotto: She did not just go there.

 

Pidgeotto: Thats it I have to fight her

 

Shatt: PIDGE NO

 

OnionBoy: Awe keith don't listen to her, I'm sure you'd make an amazing gerard way

 

MothmanLover: Thanks shiro

 

OnionBoy: Also I made pickled onions, want some

 

MothmanLover: I'm pretty sure I'm salty enough without eating all of that vinegar

 

OnionBoy: True, I guess more for me and matt

 

Shatt: Yay.....

 

SunshineBoy: What did she mean by lance chose you over me

 

Lancelot: god dangit hunk

 

MothmanLover: Oh yeah I wasn't even thinking of that, I was more focused on the gerard way reject part

 

MothmanLover: Yeah idk lance do you know??

 

Lancelot: i rejected her bc she kept trying to make moves on me

 

Lancelot: eventually i lied and said i was dating u

 

MothmanLover: But why me

 

Lancelot: well um i 

 

Lancelot: idk

 

SunshineBoy: Well pidge is aromantic so they wouldn't date

 

SunshineBoy: And I'm with shay

 

ShaymeOnYou: That is true, that teddybear is mine

 

SunshineBoy: Aweee 

 

MothmanLover: Oh that makes sense

 

Lancelot: lol yeah

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunshineBoy***

 

Lancelot: thanks for saving me there hunkers

 

SunshineBoy: No problem buddy, I always got your back

 

Lancelot: now to more important things

 

Lancelot: WHY DIDNY U TELL ME U WERE DATING SHAY

 

SunshineBoy: Well it happened last night okay!!

 

SunshineBoy: We were cuddling up watching reruns of the big bang theory and we just kissed 

 

SunshineBoy: It was pretty cute then she asked me out and I said yes

 

Lancelot: holy fuck that is so pure

 

Lancelot: but tell me these things next time man

 

SunshineBoy: Okay I will

 

Lancelot: i call dibs on being best man

 

SunshineBoy: Omg lance plz


	31. I ate a whole cheesecake

***MothmanLover changed the chat name to Kill me now.***

 

OnionBoy: You know I feel no pity

 

Lancelot: whats wrong kitten??

 

MothmanLover: I feel like death, kill me softly please

 

OnionBoy: Suffer

 

Pidgeotto: Shiro stop bullying my son

 

OnionBoy: He deserves it!!

 

Lancelot: what did u do keef??

 

MothmanLover: So I was watching worst cooks in america right

 

Pidgeotto: We should nominate shiro

 

OnionBoy: It's called worst cooks pidge

 

Pidgeotto: I know

 

MothmanLover: I got hungry bc well food!

 

Lancelot: where is this going

 

MothmanLover: I ate a whole cheesecake

 

Lancelot: wtf keith?!

 

Pidgeotto: YOU KNOW YOURE LACTOSE INTOLERANT WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF

 

Pidgeotto: I'm with you shiro, I feel no pity

 

MothmanLover: But everything hurts T-T

 

MothmanLover: I feel like I'm gonna puke

 

Lancelot: dangit keith

 

Lancelot: want me to come over??

 

MothmanLover: Would you?? These pricks aren't helping

 

OnionBoy: Excuse me??

 

MothmanLover: You're excused

 

Lancelot: oooooh even when hes half dying hes still savage

 

MothmanLover: If you ever say savage again I will never talk to you again.

 

Lancelot: sorry princess

 

MothmanLover: Anyways hurry

 

MothmanLover: My stomach hurts and I want cuddles

 

Lancelot: be there in 10

 

Pidgeotto: This is so sweet I literally feel disgusted

 

OnionBoy: I think it's cute

 

OnionBoy: But I also feel the need to fight Lance 

 

Pidgeotto: I'm sorry you what

 

OnionBoy: Anyways I'm going to make popsicles

 

Pidgeotto: Oooh what flavor

 

OnionBoy: Onion and raspberry

 

 Pidgeotto: Why do I even try


	32. I'm coming over

***MothmanLover is now chatting with Lancelot***

 

MothmanLover: I'm coming over

 

Lancelot: wtf keith???

 

Lancelot: its 3 in the morning what do u mean ur coming over???

 

MothmanLover: Just that, I'm coming over

 

Lancelot: babe wait just

 

Lancelot: whats wrong

 

MothmanLover: I had a nightmare

 

Lancelot: want to talk about it?

 

MothmanLover: It's just idk

 

MothmanLover: I dreamt that you got hurt and I want to be with you now

 

MothmanLover: I'm coming over

 

Lancelot: keith its okay im okay everything is okay

 

MothmanLover: It just felt so real lance

 

MothmanLover: I don't want to lose you

 

Lancelot: im not going anywhere kitten, ill be here always

 

MothmanLover: But you don't know that!!

 

MothmanLover: You can't predict the future lance

 

MothmanLover: You know who else said they would be here forever? My parents, but oh look at that! They were gone just like that

 

MothmanLover: You never know lance

 

Lancelot: youre right im sorry

 

MothmanLover: Just, can I please come over??

 

Lancelot: of course you can princess

 

MothmanLover: I love you

 

Lancelot: i love you too

 

MothmanLover: And I'm sorry for freaking out

 

Lancelot: you dont have to apologize for your emotions baby, you did nothing wrong

 

Lancelot: just hurry over and we can cuddle and watch your weird ghost show

 

MothmanLover: It's ghost adventures 

 

MothmanLover: And it's not weird

 

Lancelot: sure babe sure


	33. this is all my fault

***OnionBoy is now chatting in Daddy day care***

 

OnionBoy: Guys idk what to do

 

Shatt: Me ofc

 

Pidgeotto: Obviously matt

 

Lancelot: stop making weird onion food

 

OnionBoy: No seriously guys I don't know what to fucking do!

 

Shatt: What's wrong??

 

Lancelot: holy fuck shiro swore this must be serious

 

Pidgeotto: Are you okay, what happened??

 

OnionBoy: I just got a call, keith is in the hospital

 

Lancelot: lol whatchu mean?? hes fine, he was just texting me earlier

 

Pidgeotto: What do you mean he's in the hospital??

 

Shatt: What happened?!

 

OnionBoy: Apparently he was outside and a drunk driver came and hit him

 

OnionBoy: Bastard didn't even stop

 

OnionBoy: Someone saw and called the police though

 

OnionBoy: They say he's in intensive care, he might die guys! 

 

OnionBoy: I can't lose him guys fuck

 

Lancelot: this is all my fault

 

Pidgeotto: What do you mean??

 

Lancelot: he wanted to come over, if i didnt let him hed be fine

 

Lancelot: fuck its my fault he might die just fuck!!

 

Pidgeotto: It isn't your fault lance, it's that drivers fault

 

OnionBoy: I agree with pidge, you didn't cause the driver to drink and drive, it's that persons fault

 

OnionBoy: But I have to go, i'm heading up to the hospital

 

Shatt: I'll meet you up there

 

OnionBoy: Thank you

 

Lancelot: im coming too

 

OnionBoy: Are you sure??

 

Lancelot: yes there is no way in hell im going to sit here and do nothing while keith is in danger, i have to be there

 

Pidgeotto: I'll go with you lance

 

OnionBoy: Okay I'll see you guys there

 

Lancelot: bye


	34. i dont care

-=+=- Lance -=+=-

 

It's been a two week. A whole two fucking week, and Keith was still in a coma. I don't know what to do, it's all my fucking fault. I should be the one in his place, _it should have been me!_

 

I have been by his bedside most of the time, the nurses had to force me to leave when visiting hours were over. When the nurses had made me leave today, I didn't go straight home. I couldn't bring myself to stay there, it was too constraint for me. I took a walk instead, not really knowing where I was going. Eventually I came to my destination I didn't even notice I was going to. It was a little way from the school, a fountain. Keith loves this place.  _Or should i say loved_ I thought bitterly. Sitting on the edge, I skimmed my fingers lightly through the water, watching the ripples. Keith would come here to draw, said it had a tranquil feeling. I can't say I agree with that, it was too quiet. The quietness was almost deafening, I hated it. I stayed here though, it was almost like Keith was sitting next to me. 

 

I sigh, feeling my phone vibrate again. I know it was the others, they're worried about me. I quickly put them all on mute, not feeling up to talk to them right now. I'm never by myself, at least one of them is with me. None could be with me today though, they have finals.  _I_ have finals... It doesn't matter. Nothing matters, I just want Keith. Was that such a hard ask? I didn't even get to tell him my feelings...

 

Bringing my knees up to my chest, I clutch at them. Burying my head into them, I let out a sob. Those thoughts just kept running through my mind, feeling like I was physically being stabbed.

 

_I never got to say I love you_

 

_What if he never wakes up_

 

_What if he dies_

 

_It's all my fault_

 

Ripping at my hair, I beg for everything to just stop. I curl into myself more so, whimpering. I just want it to stop, _I just want Keith._

 

 

 

I groan, looking around.

"How the fuck??" I can't believe I managed to fall asleep out here...

 

I take out my phone, seeing that the battery was dead.

"Typical IPhones" I grumble, getting up. Stretching out, I wince at all the cracking my bones made. Guess I have to make a pit stop home before I see Keith... It still looks early, so visiting hours might not even be open now. I should probably eat while my phone charges, I haven't eaten since....when was the last time I ate? Was it yesterday? The day before? I can't remember.

 

Getting home, I make a bee-line for my charger, as that was most important. As my phone charged, I decided to make a quick college meal. By that, I mean just making ramen noodles. I chuckle, remembering how much I made fun of Keith over these. He said oodles of noodles, and I had a field day with that! Not feeling like cooking it, I just quickly shove it in the microwave, putting it on for three minutes.

 

I go back over to my phone, wanting to tell my friends that I'm okay. The time on my phone read 7:43 am. Visiting hours started at 7:00, I could be there right now... I could be with Keith...  _No Lance, eat first. You have to be somewhat healthy when Keith wakes up! If he wakes up...._ Shaking my head, I focus on the task at hands, letting my buds know i'm okay.

 

***Lancelot is now chatting in Daddy day care***

 

Lancelot: im alive

 

Pidgeotto: HOLY FUCK LANCE

 

SunshineBoy: We were worried sick lance!

 

Pidgeotto: You weren't home!

 

SunshineBoy: You weren't answering your phone!

 

Pidgeotto: We were so worried, don't do that to us!!

 

Lancelot: sorry i was out and fell asleep, my phone died

 

Pidgeotto: Just let us know next time you go somewhere else

 

SunshineBoy: You at the hospital now?

 

Lancelot: actually no, i had to charge my phone and decided to eat for once

 

Pidgeotto: That's good, you haven't been eating so

 

SunshineBoy: Since you're at home, I'd suggest a shower too

 

Lancelot: im going to keith after i eat hunk

 

SunshineBoy: Just saying

 

SunshineBoy: When keith wakes up, I'm pretty sure the first thing he doesn't want is to smell how disgusting you are

 

Lancelot: ffs okay ill take a quick shower

 

Lancelot: then im going to keith

 

SunshineBoy: Lance no, you have your English finals

 

Lancelot: i dont care

 

SunshineBoy: Lance! You will fail!

 

Lancelot: i dont care

 

Pidgeotto: Oh fuck off lance

 

Lancelot: excuse me??

 

Pidgeotto: Stop acting like you're the only one hurting, stop being selfish!!

 

Pidgeotto: I cry every single day okay?! Shiro is basically destroyed!! We are all hurting, but we still do what we have to

 

Pidgeotto: We have to take our finals! Keith would be so heartbroken and guilty if he found out I failed school and blame himself

 

Pidgeotto: Now stop whining and go do your fucking finals, it's what keith would want

 

Lancelot: youre right, sorry

 

Lancelot: i have it in an hour, ill do it

 

Lancelot: for keith

 

Pidgeotto: Thank you


	35. His mothman stuffed animal

-=+=- Lance -=+=-

 

It's been four days since I have last seen Keith. I felt terrible, I should be there! But I also have to do these finals, for Keith. I have to pass for him. 

 

So here I was, laying on my bed with books surrounding me. "You know what, I deserve a little break!" I huff, shoving the books away and grabbing my phone. I can text my friends for a bit, then back to studying!

 

***Lancelot is now chatting in Finals will be the death of me***

 

Lancelot: i relate to the chat name

 

Pidgeotto: I'm like 95% coffee 

 

OnionBoy: Ha I remember finals!

 

Shatt: Shiro shut up, you were crying bc you had so many stupid essays to read

 

OnionBoy: A KID WROTE 5 PARAGRAPHS ON HOW BLACK HOLES WERE COOL

 

OnionBoy: IT WASNT EVEN FACTUAL, HE LITERALLY JUST WROTE BLACK HOLES ARE SWAG BUT PHRASED DIFFERENTLY

 

OnionBoy: IT WAS SO BAD MATT

 

Shatt: You think that's bad?? One kid made a robot, but it was basically just a can opener taped to a block of wood

 

Pidgeotto: I should do that, bc I give up at this point

 

Lancelot: same

 

Lancelot: i literally fell asleep standing in the elevator yesterday

 

Pidgeotto: Yeah well I fell asleep while walking to class

 

Lancelot: yeah well i fell asleep midway talking to the teacher

 

Pidgeotto: i fell asleep during a finals and in my muddled sleep i still somehow answered questions

 

Pidgeotto: I don't even remember doing it but

 

Lancelot: okay u win

 

Pidgeotto: Like always

 

Lancelot: hey weres hunk??

 

Pidgeotto: He went to the library to study for his next final

 

Lancelot: poor guy

 

Lancelot: hey do u think the nurses will let me see keith

 

Pidgeotto: Lance

 

Pidgeotto: It's 11 pm, visiting hours are over

 

Lancelot: ik i just miss him

 

Pidgeotto: I know how you feel lance

 

Pidgeotto: Finals are almost over though, then we can visit all the time again

 

Lancelot: ik it just hurts pidge

 

Pidgeotto: I know

 

Pidgeotto: If it helps, you can cuddle his mothman stuffed animal??

 

Lancelot: im sorry his what

 

Pidgeotto: His mothman stuffed animal

 

Pidgeotto: He bought it at the mothman festival

 

Lancelot: what the fuck keith???

 

Lancelot: well that made me feel better

 

Lancelot: just picturing that fucking nerd cuddling a mothman doll

 

Pidgeotto: It's a stuffed animal

 

Lancelot: omg whatever i have to go back to studying, this chem final is gonna kill me

 

Pidgeotto: FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE DAMMIT

 

Pidgeotto: Looks like I'm not sleeping tonight.


	36. Tadashi, more like tadaddy

***MothmanLover is now chatting in Chem can go fuck itself***

 

MothmanLover: So I'm watching big hero 6 and can I just say

 

MothmanLover: Tadashi, more like tadaddy

 

Pidgeotto: OH MY GOD KEITH YOURE ALIVE

 

Lancelot: KEITH BABY YOURE ALIVE THANK GOD HOLY FUCK IM CRYING

 

Pidgeotto: Wait wtf keith

 

Pidgeotto: You were in a coma for almost three fucking weeks, and you come back with a fucking daddy pun

 

Pidgeotto: Disowning you

 

MothmanLover: But he is daddy af, you have to admit

 

OnionBoy: Oh my god keith?! I'm coming to the hospital right now.

 

MothmanLover: Dude it's like midnight, visiting hours are over

 

OnionBoy: I don't care

 

MothmanLover: Shiro chill ily2 but come see me tomorrow

 

MothmanLover: Plus I just wanna watch big hero 6 leave me be

 

SunshineBoy: Oh my god keith I missed you so much

 

MothmanLover: Aweeee I miss you too hunky!

 

Allurking: When did you even wake up

 

MothmanLover: Wow love you too allura

 

Allurking: Ofc I love you, that goes without saying

 

MothmanLover: Anyways, I woke up like idk a couple hours ago???

 

MothmanLover: They leant me a charger for my phone and did some tests

 

MothmanLover: I got bored so I started watching a movie

 

Lancelot: keith i still cant believe this

 

MothmanLover: What that tadashi is taddaddy

 

OnionBoy: Can you stop saying that, it's too close to my name

 

MothmanLover: WAY TO RUIN TADADDY LIKE THAT

 

OnionBoy: IM SORRY IT WAS WEIRD

 

Lancelot: no i thought you were going to die

 

MothmanLover: Like hell I'm going to die bc a guy wanted me to be a pancake

 

Lancelot: this isnt time for jokes keith i was really worried!!

 

MothmanLover: It's okay lance I'm here and I'm okay

 

MothmanLover: I'm not going out that easily babe

 

Lancelot: did u just

 

Lancelot: u called me babe

 

Lancelot: u never use petnames omg

 

Lancelot: what is going on

 

MothmanLover: Life's too short to worry about if I should use petnames or not

 

MothmanLover: I wanted to call you babe so I did

 

Lancelot: ur trying to sound cool but i bet ur blushing like crazy

 

MothmanLover: Shut up

 

Lancelot: aweeee my baby is blushing!!!

 

MothmanLover: Am not

 

Lancelot: yes u are, awe my adorable kitten

 

Pidgeotto: Ew can you guys not

 

MothmanLover: :p

 

Pidgeotto: Yeah definitely putting you up for adoption.

 

MothmanLover: Does that mean I can finally get a daddy ;0

 

Lancelot: i can be ur daddy ;)

 

MothmanLover: lol 

 

Lancelot: thats not a no

 

MothmanLover: ;)

 

Lancelot: KEITH


	37. I regret all my life decisions

***MothmanLover is now chatting in Tadaddy***

 

MothmanLover: I'm going to say something I never thought I'd say

 

Lancelot: is it that u love me

 

MothmanLover: I said something I'd never say lance, I tell you I love you like every other day

 

Lancelot: yeah well u dont say it enough

 

MothmanLover: Omg okay I love you lance

 

Lancelot: thanks i love me too

 

MothmanLover: Omg why do I even bother

 

Lancelot: i love you too

 

MothmanLover: Thanks I know

 

Allurking: That moment when you casually check in on a group chat and get hit with your otp being hecka gay

 

MothmanLover: ;)

 

MothmanLover: Anyways, to what I was saying before

 

MothmanLover: I never thought I'd say this, but I actually miss shiro's food

 

Pidgeotto: Wow that car hit you harder than I thought

 

OnionBoy: Aweeee Keith!! I'm so moved I might actually cry

 

Shatt: You're going to cry because you're cutting a bag of onions

 

OnionBoy: SHUT UP IM GOING TO CRY BC MY BABY BRO LIKES MY COOKING

 

Lancelot: are u okay??? to actually miss that cooking???

 

OnionBoy: I cook lovely, thank you very much!

 

Shatt: You burned dinner last night and said that it just gave it character

 

OnionBoy: The crunch was exquisite matt

 

Shatt: It was so burnt, you couldn't even bite it shiro

 

OnionBoy: Texture matt!!

 

Shatt: I give up

 

Allurking: My other otp is being really cute too, are you guys trying to kill me???

 

SunshineBoy: IKR??!!

 

 

Allurking: Just like date already omg

 

Shatt: I'm working on it okay

 

OnionBoy: What

 

Shatt: Nothing dear, don't worry your pretty head about it

 

OnionBoy: Okay???

 

OnionBoy: Anyways, I'll make you my famous onion sandwich when you get out of the hospital keith

 

MothmanLover: Can't we just like go to McDonald's??

 

OnionBoy: You said you miss my cooking, so that's what you're gonna get!

 

MothmanLover: I regret all my life decisions

 

Lancelot: ill sneak u a burger dont worry princess

 

MothmanLover: Thanks babe

 

Lancelot: anenoigvhosizb is this just gonna be a thing?!

 

MothmanLover: Idk maybe

 

SunshineBoy: THIS IS SO FRICKIN CUTE

 

ShaymeOnYou: Hunk get off on your phone and watch the movie, or I swear we are never going on another date

 

Lancelot: ooooooooh hunkers got in trouble!!

 

SunshineBoy: ...Really lance? That's how we're going to do?

 

Lancelot: suck it hunk

 

SunshineBoy: Okay before I leave I need to tell you something keith

 

MothmanLover: What

 

SunshineBoy: Lance ripped your mothman plushie

 

 MothmanLover: HE WHAT

 

Lancelot: BRO

 

SunshineBoy: Ooooooh lance got in trouble!!

 

Lancelot: THE BETRAYAL

 

SunshineBoy: Byeee :)

 

MothmanLover: Lance when I get out of here you are dead.

 

Lancelot: NO BABY I CAN FIX IT!!

 

MothmanLover: Oh you better.

 

Corndaddy: Greetings I have brought corn!

 

Pidgeotto: Way to read a mood

 

Corndaddy: Silly pidge, you can't read feelings, they're in you!

 

Pidgeotto: *looks off into the distance like in the office* why do I even try anymore?

 

Corndaddy: What's the office

 

Pidgeotto: Bless your soul corn man

 

Lancelot: hes ginger he doesnt have a soul

 

Corndaddy: Wow this is why I never come here :'(

 

Lancelot: NO CORN I LOVE YOU

 

Corndaddy: Can we just acknowledge I learned how to use emoticons, it was a huge struggle

 

Lancelot: bless u ur so pure


	38. Wow I'm an idiot

***Shatt is now chatting with Pidgeotto***

 

Shatt: So

 

Shatt: I might confess to shiro???

 

Pidgeotto: WHAAAAT

 

Pidgeotto: WHEN HOW WHERE WHAT

 

Shatt: Well idk, I can't just hopelessly pine over him

 

Shatt: He's too oblivious, so why not just straight up tell him??

 

Shatt: If he says yes great amazing, if not well... I guess I'd be able to move on??

 

Pidgeotto: When did you get all smart and mature, the fuck

 

Pidgeotto: But about time!!

 

Pidgeotto: If he says no, I'll make you some spaghetti

 

Shatt: Thanks pidge

 

Pidgeotto: Ew now enough of this bonding time it's gross

 

Shatt: Lol shut it loser

 

Pidgeotto: There's the brother I know and hate

 

Shatt: Omg bye

 

***Shatt is now chatting with OnionBoy***

 

Shatt: Hey shiro

 

OnionBoy: Hey

 

Shatt: So I've been thinking

 

OnionBoy: Wow you?? Thinking??

 

Shatt: RUDE

 

Shatt: Now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted

 

OnionBoy: This is text, you can't be interrupted

 

Shatt: Oh I beg to differ

 

Shatt: Now you're really ruining the mood shut up

 

OnionBoy: Who's being rude now 

 

Shatt: Omg shiro shut up I'm trying to be cute here

 

OnionBoy: But you're always cute, you don't need to try

 

Shatt: ANFIOSHFIOA

 

Shatt: Okay so I'm gonna say something and I hope it doesn't ruin everything

 

OnionBoy: I swear if this about your crush on keith

 

Shatt: I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON KEITH

 

OnionBoy: Are you sure bc like

 

Shatt: Omg yes shiro I'm sure

 

OnionBoy: Sounds like something a person who has a crush on keith would say :/

 

Shatt: Holy fuck I don't have a crush on keith, I have a crush on you!!

 

OnionBoy: Oh

 

OnionBoy: OH

 

OnionBoy: OOOHHH IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

 

OnionBoy: Wow I'm an idiot

 

Shatt: Just a bit, yeah

 

Shatt: So...

 

OnionBoy: So?

 

Shatt: Omg do I have to do everything?? Do you like me back

 

OnionBoy: Oh well I thought it was kind of obvious

 

Shatt: No so plz tell me

 

OnionBoy: I'm surprised you haven't noticed

 

Shatt: If you keep messing with me I swear I will chuck all your onions out the window

 

OnionBoy: DONT DO THAT 

 

Shatt: Then answer, I'm dying here

 

OnionBoy: Lol I just like watching you suffer

 

OnionBoy: But yes, I like you

 

Shatt: Omg is this a dream

 

OnionBoy: Well considering I'm not made out of onions, I doubt it

 

Shatt: What??

 

OnionBoy: Conversation for a different time, but will you do me the honors of being my boyfriend?

 

Shatt: Of course you goof

 

OnionBoy: Great! As celebration, I'll break out my onion vodka

 

Shatt: Oh for the love of


	39. Speak of a meme, and he shall appear

***MothmanLover is now chatting in Shatt is real***

 

MothmanLover: So did the two finally tie the knot

 

OnionBoy: Yup!

 

Shiro-Matters: Yes, finally

 

MothmanLover: You changed your name

 

MothmanLover: And it is both a pun, and has both your names

 

MothmanLover: That's cheesy

 

Shiro-Matters: I thought it was cute

 

OnionBoy: It is, almost as cute as you

 

Shiro-Matters: You're still cuter though

 

MothmanLover: Ew this is gross

 

OnionBoy: You're gross

 

MothmanLover: 

 

MothmanLover: YoURe gRosS

 

OnionBoy: Did you just meme me??

 

MothmanLover: Maybe

 

Lancelot: THATS MY BABY

 

MothmanLover: Speak of a meme, and he shall appear

 

Lancelot: more like i hear keith meme and i come running

 

Pidgeotto: Idk if I should disown you or love you even more

 

MothmanLover: Both, both is good

 

Pidgeotto: Lol no you're still my emo son

 

MothmanLover: I'm not even that emo

 

Pidgeotto: BITCH PLEASE

 

Lancelot: HAHAAH NICE JOKE

 

OnionBoy: Keith you blasted Linkin Park while putting on black lipstick the other day

 

OnionBoy: You might have even cried a bit

 

MothmanLover: Ofc I didn't cry, it would have ruined my mascara

 

OnionBoy: ......

 

MothmanLover: MASCARA DOESNT MAKE ME EMO SHUT UP

 

Lancelot: guys i got this

 

Lancelot: the g note

 

MothmanLover: HOW COULD YOU LANCE

 

MothmanLover: IM FUCKING CRYING NOW I HATE YOU

 

Pidgeotto: Point made, you're my emo son


	40. You're an inanimate object.

***Lancelot is now chatting with MothmanLover***

 

Lancelot: ihy so much

 

MothmanLover: I mean same, but what did I do specifically???

 

Lancelot: i got that stupid song stuck in my head bc of u!! u had it on repeat for like 3 hours!!!

 

MothmanLover: Which one

 

Lancelot: the one about bread ffs

 

MothmanLover: Omg

 

MothmanLover: B

 

MothmanLover: R

 

MothmanLover: E

 

Lancelot: oh god keith plz no i hate it so much

 

MothmanLover: A

 

MothmanLover: D

 

Lancelot: kill me plz

 

MothmanLover: I LOVE BREAD AND BREAD LOVES ME

 

Lancelot: BREAD DOESNT LOVE ITS AN INANIMATE OBJECT

 

MothmanLover: You're an inanimate object.

 

Lancelot: why do i love u???

 

MothmanLover: You love me?

 

Lancelot: UM

 

Lancelot: YEAH LIKE UR A GREAT BUDDY HAHAHAH

 

MothmanLover: Oh

 

MothmanLover: That's great

 

MothmanLover: I have to go

 

Lancelot: oh okay bye

 

***MothmanLover is now chatting with Pidgeotto***

 

MothmanLover: Why does it hurt so much when lance says he loves me like a friend?

 

Pidgeotto: Oh keith....

 

Pidgeotto: Want me to come over?

 

MothmanLover: Yes please


	41. PIDGE YOU TRAITOR

 

***Lancelot is now chatting in I'm a snek***

 

Lancelot: guys im freaking out

 

MothmanLover: What's wrong?

 

SunshineBoy: Are you okay??

 

Pidgeotto: What happened

 

Lancelot: I LOST MY JACKET

 

Lancelot: i checked everywhere and its nowhere to be seen

 

SunshineBoy: Oh my god that's terrible!

 

Lancelot: IK IM FREAKING OUT MAN

 

Lancelot: what if i never find it??

 

Lancelot: end me

 

Pidgeotto: Lance chill it's okay

 

Lancelot: DONT TELL ME TO CHILL U SQUIRREL

 

Pidgeotto: ....squirrel???

 

Pidgeotto: Sorr no, I don't like nuts

 

Lancelot: omg its not the time for jokes

 

MothmanLover: Lance your jacket isn't lost, you left it at my house

 

Lancelot: wait what

 

MothmanLover: Yeah

 

Lancelot: oooooh

 

Pidgeotto: That's what I was trying to tell you 

 

Lancelot: oh im sorry pidge, u arent a squirrel

 

Pidgeotto: I would have told you something really cute too before you insulted me

 

Lancelot: now im curious

 

Pidgeotto: Too bad

 

Lancelot: what no pidgeeee!! plzzzz!!

 

Pidgeotto: Well I feel evil so I guess I can tell you

 

Pidgeotto: Keith is wearing your jacket

 

MothmanLover: PIDGE YOU TRAITOR

 

Lancelot: wait what omg thats so fucking cute 

 

Pidgeotto: He says he likes that it smells like you

 

MothmanLover: PIDGE

 

Lancelot: OMG BABE U LIKE HOW I SMELL OMG

 

MothmanLover: I'm leaving

 

Lancelot: omg noooo i wanna hear about how amazing i smell

 

MothmanLover: Bye


	42. bc im daddy

***Lancelot is now chatting with MothmanLover***

 

Lancelot: hey babe

 

MothmanLover: Hey

 

Lancelot: arent u gonna tell me happy fathers day?

 

MothmanLover: What?

 

MothmanLover: WAIT ARE YOU A FATHER?!?!

 

Lancelot: KEITH NO OMG

 

MothmanLover: Then why???

 

Lancelot: bc im daddy

 

MothmanLover: I should have seen this tbh

 

Lancelot: cmon baby tell me happy fathers day

 

MothmanLover: No

 

Lancelot: yes

 

MothmanLover: No

 

Lancelot: yes

 

MothmanLover: Okay I'm bored of this

 

MothmanLover: Anyways I have to go soon, my show is on

 

Lancelot: say it before u go <3

 

MothmanLover: Omg why're you like this

 

MothmanLover: Happy father's day daddy ;)

 

Lancelot: WAIT WHAT I DIDNT EXPECT THAT

 

Lancelot: KEITH

 

Lancelot: ASDFGHJK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little late but let's just pretend it's still fathers day


	43. so about my jacket

***MothmanLover is now chatting with FresnoPidge***

 

MothmanLover: I see you've changed your name

 

FresnoPidge: Yeah, I decided I'm basically a fresno nightcrawler so

 

MothmanLover: You too are walking pants?

 

FresnoPidge: Yes

 

MothmanLover: That would be kind of cute, like I can see it

 

FresnoPidge: Ikr?

 

FresnoPidge: Anyways, speak child I know you didn't come here just to comment on my amazing name

 

MothmanLover: What rude! Maybe I just wanted to come and say hi to my best buddy pidge

 

FresnoPidge: .....

 

MothmanLover: Okay here's the thing

 

MothmanLover: I think lance asked me out???

 

FresnoPidge: WHAT

 

MothmanLover: I'm not sure tho

 

FresnoPidge: Omg what do you mean you aren't sure?! Did he or did he not

 

MothmanLover: I don't know!

 

MothmanLover: I'll send you screenshots and you tell me

 

FresnoPidge: Bless my socially inept friend

 

MothmanLover: Shut up

 

MothmanLover: *sends picture*

 

***Screenshot texts***

 

Lancelot: heeeeey keith

 

MothmanLover: Hey

 

Lancelot: so about my jacket

 

MothmanLover: Yeah?

 

Lancelot: can I get it back

 

MothmanLover: Sure, I'll give it back in class tomorrow

 

Lancelot: no!

 

MothmanLover: ....No???

 

Lancelot: i mean um

 

Lancelot: how about u give it to me today

 

MothmanLover: Um sure, when are you coming over

 

Lancelot: how about we meet up instead

 

Lancelot: say maybe la fantaisie at 8 tonight?

 

MothmanLover: I mean I guess??? But why at that place, it's super fancy

 

Lancelot: idk just felt like it

 

Lancelot: ill pay for ur meal too babe

 

MothmanLover: Well I love free food, so sure

 

Lancelot: okay great, wear something nice ;)

 

MothmanLover: I can say the same for you

 

***End of screenshots***

 

FresnoPidge: Dude

 

FresnoPidge: It's obvious he asked you out

 

MothmanLover: Are you sure?? Maybe he just felt like eating out??

 

FresnoPidge: You don't just casually go to la fantaisie bc you felt like it!! You have to schedule in like a week or two in advance bc it's always booked!!

 

MothmanLover: What?? But lance didn't know I had his jacket until like a couple days ago??

 

FresnoPidge: Exactly.

 

FresnoPidge: That means he planned to take you there anyways

 

MothmanLover: I'm so confused

 

FresnoPidge: Omg it's a date!!

 

MothmanLover: Holy fuck, lance asked me out

 

MothmanLover: But why??

 

MothmanLover: Do friends go on dates???

 

FresnoPidge: Omg I'm not even going to try to explain

 

FresnoPidge: It's 5 now, I'm going to call up allura we're coming over

 

MothmanLover: What why

 

FresnoPidge: We're going to help you get ready for your date

 

MothmanLover: I don't need help, it's fine

 

FresnoPidge: We'll be over in like 20 minutes

 

MothmanLover: Okay thank you

 

FresnoPidge: God I feel like a mother giving off her child

 

***FresnoPidge is now chatting with Allurking***

 

FresnoPidge: Klance is happening

 

Allurking: OMG WHAT

 

FresnoPidge: We're going to keiths to help him get ready for his date

 

Allurking: OMG WHAT

 

Allurking: OKAY LET ME GET DRESSED, I WAS IN THE SHOWER OMG AAAAAH

 

FresnoPidge: I'll be there in 10

 


	44. I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm looking great!

Keith sat anxiously on his bed, watching Pidge and Allura make a mess of his room. They were throwing his clothes all over the place, trying to look for the perfect date night outfit. He still had doubts in the back of his mind of this being a date.

 

"God Keith, do you not own fancy clothes?!" Allura huffed, surrounded by piles of clothes. Keith pouted, crossing his arms. 

 

"I never go on dates, so I don't have a lot." He muttered, looking to the side in embarrassment. If he was to be honest, this was his actual first date. Sure, he's dated before, but it was more of just convenient makeouts with some cuddling mixed in there. Keith never really had luck of dating cute romantics. Suddenly, Pidge made a sound of triumph, holding up some type of red cloth.

 

"I found something you could wear!" She cheered, looking happier about this than Keith did. He swore Allura looked ready to shed a tear of happiness. She came over to the bed, laying it out. It was a simple maroon dress, the straps coming off of the shoulder. The dress had a slit at the bottom, coming up mid-thigh. Honestly, Keith forgot all about that dress. Allura let out a little awe upon looking at it.

 

"You'll look so pretty Keith! Also, you have to let me borrow this sometime." She giggled, looking up at the boy. He rolled his eyes fondly, a slight heat raising to his cheeks. "Now go put that on, then I can do your makeup!!" Allura cheered, always loving to do Keith's makeup. He groaned, nodding his head. Grabbing the dress, he made the way to the bathroom. Once he stripped down, he looked down at the dress. Something not a lot of people knows is that Keith is pretty insecure about himself. The fact that the dress was pretty tight and revealing kind of made him nervous. 'It's just Lance, it'll be fine.' He thought, shaking the thoughts away. Keith slid on the outfit, straightening it out. Looking at himself, he bit his lip nervously. He hoped he looked at least okay. He rolled his eyes at how silly he was being. 'God what am I, some love sick teenager??'

 

"I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm looking great!" Keith says, walking back into the room. Allura squeals, clapping her hands. She practically fauns over how gorgeous Keith looked. Pidge just smiled, acting like the proud mother she was. ("I'm older than you Pidge." "Shut up Keith, let me have this moment.")

 

"Now makeup!" Allura giddily said, grabbing mine and her makeup bag. She patted the spot on the bed next to her, signaling Keith to sit down. 'Now the worst part.' He thought annoyed, knowing this was going to take forever.

 

~~~ Timeskip bc idk how to write doing makeup, it'd seem boring ~~~

 

Keith looked at himself in the mirror in awe. He thought he looked pretty. He had a white glitter eyeshadow, fading out to a shimmery black. Allura forced himself to put on fake eyelashes, and now he was thankful for that. His eyes looked even more of a vivid purple, practically shining. His face practically glowed, as Keith was wearing some subtle highlighter. Keith's hair was curled slightly, framing his face well. His favorite part though, was his lips. They had a very pretty dark red lipstick on. It made him feel like he was a vampire!

 

"Lance is going to get such a hard on from seeing you." Pidge said, making Keith squeak. His eyes widened, blush spreading across his whole face.

 

"Pidge!" He squeaked out, voice cracking in embarrassment. She started laughing at his reaction.

 

"I'm just messing with you!!" She howled, still laughing, now with slight tears in her eyes. Keith huffed, glaring.

 

"Well you look gorgeous Keith." Allura complimented, stepping in. He smiled, thanking her. "Now, some simple accessories!"

 

"We aren't over yet?" He pouted, sighing. They've been at this for at least two hours, as it was almost 7 now.

 

"Of course not!" She said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "We need jewelry, accessories, and shoes still!" Pidge nodded in agreement. backing her up. Keith nodded, not sure if all that was actually necessary.

 

"Just saying, but you should wear that black velvet choker." Pidge offered, chiming in. Allura agreed excitedly, going to find it. Once she did, she practically pounced on Keith to put it on. He's only worn this a couple times, but he did think it looked good on him.

 

"Can't I just wear like my vans?" Keith whined, seeing the girls ruffling through all kind of heels. His feet were going to die by the end of the night. They gave him a look as if he just said he murdered somebody. "Okay okay, then why not my black ankle boots? It has heels and they're comfortable." He offered.

 

"That could work...." Allura mumbled, before nodding her head and grabbing them. After Keith had put them up, he took a few steps to get used to them. He rarely wore heels, but it did make his calfs look amazing. Allura smiled at him, hugging him tightly. "Lance is so going to be head over heels for you!!" She cheered. Keith blushed, hugging her back.

 

"It's almost 8, you should probably start heading over." Pidge piped up, handing Keith a black handbag. Keith frowned, his nerves coming back. "Don't worry, you look great, everything will be fine." She tried to encourage him, pulling him into a comforting hug. He nodded, smiling slightly.

 

"You're right, I'm worrying for nothing." He concluded, pulling out his phone. 'It'll be fine, it's only Lance!'

 

 

MothmanLover: Hey I'm heading out now

 

Lancelot: cant wait to see u <3

 

MothmanLover: Yeah yeah, ik I'm great

 

Lancelot: u really are

 

 

Putting away his phone, he couldn't fight off the blush he had. Lance always seemed to make him blush, not that he'd ever let the taller boy know. "Let's not screw this up." Keith muttered to himself, before heading out.


	45. I'm just Lance in the bathroom~

Lance was screaming, both internally and externally. He couldn't believe he actually asked Keith frickin Kogane out, and he said _yes!!_ But the issue was what was he suppose to wear?! He had to look perfect to get his dream boy to fall for him, wanted to take his breath away. So, he did the only thing he could think of, text his best buddy!

 

Lancelot: HUNK IM FREAKING OUT

 

SunshineBoy: What? What's wrong?? Are you hurt?

 

Lancelot: i have a date with keith and idk what to do!!!

 

Lancelot: what do i wear?!

 

Lancelot: what do i say?!?!

 

Lancelot: HOW DO I WOO HIM HUNK?!

 

SunshineBoy: Okay this is a lot to take in, I didn't think you'd actually go with the whole fancy place thing

 

SunshineBoy: First off, FINALLY

 

SunshineBoy: Second off, just be your self, Keith would be woo'd enough by that

 

SunshineBoy: He's already pretty gay for you

 

SunshineBoy: Thirdly, I say wear that nice blue suit you have

 

Lancelot: my blue suit? wouldnt that be too much

 

SunshineBoy: When have you ever cared about being over the top?

 

Lancelot: when i had a date with frickin keith kogane

 

SunshineBoy: Omg

 

SunshineBoy: Well it isn't too much, you look great in it, trust me dude

 

Lancelot: if u say so...

 

SunshineBoy: I do

 

Lancelot: thanks hunkers ur a real true bro

 

SunshineBoy: More like a mother but yes thanks Lance

 

SunshineBoy: Now go get ready to woo your boy

 

Lancelot: okay love uuuu <3

 

SunshineBoy: Love you too bro <3

 

 

Lance sighs, placing his phone down. 

"First thing's first, my beauty mask!" He says, making his way to the bathroom. In there, laid a bunch of face products. He opted for the avocado mask, as it was rejuvenating. Plus it was a peel mask and he was too lazy to wash guck off his face. Taking some out, he slowly starts lathering it on. Lance started humming a song that popped in his head, considering where he was, making a little twist on it though.

 

"I'm just Lance in the bathroom~" He chuckled at that, finishing putting on his face mask. He took some selfies, somehow still looking good with green goop all over his face. Lance just scrolls through tumblr, waiting for the 20 minutes to be up. Finally, it was time to take the thing off. His eyes teared up as he started peeling it.

 

"The things I do for beauty!" He whined, hissing in pain. It may be painful, but his skin was going to look so fucking good afterwards. With that thought in mind, he ripped the last bit off. "I'm like a fucking baby!!" He yelled excitedly, rubbing his face. 'How do I somehow convince Keith to touch my face?' Lance thought off-handedly, smiling softly. Making his way to his closet, he opens to see his one suit.

 

"Should I really wear it?" Lance mumbled, biting his lip in hesitation. "Oh fuck it, I'll look great!" He quickly grabs the shiny blue suit, making sure not to get any wrinkles in it, laying it out on his bed. Lance strips down to just his briefs, sighing. He goes to his dresser, taking out his black button up to. He slips it on, straightening it out. Lance pondered for a second if he should wear a tie or not, before deciding against it. The suit is already loud, a tie would be too much! With that thought in mind, he starts putting on his suit. He looks over himself in the mirror, smirking. 

 

"Oh Keith is soooo going to fall for me!" Taking out his phone, he snaps a few quick pictures. What? He wasn't going to look  _this_ good, and not flaunt it! Upon seeing the time, he realized it was almost time to get going. He settles on wearing a pair of pineapple socks (It's not like they'll be showing after all, my shoes are going to cover them!), and slips on his new black dress shoes. As a final touch, he sprits on some of his best smelling cologne. Sighing to get his nerves out, he was ready to leave.

 

"You got this!" He whispered to himself, giving himself some encouragement. His phone buzzed, signaling he got a message. Smiling slightly, seeing as it was from Keith. That sent a few flutters in his stomach.

 

MothmanLover: Hey I'm heading out now

 

Lancelot: cant wait to see u <3

 

MothmanLover: Yeah yeah, ik I'm great

 

Lancelot: u really are

 

 

If Lance were to see his face, he would see a lovesick smile gracing his face. He was so gone for this boy.


	46. who doesn't like a little meat

Lance sat nervously at his table, eyes glancing around at the dimly lit restaurant. He hoped it was romantic enough, he really wanted to show Keith his good side. He didn't know what to do with his hands, so he settled on eating some of the bread.

 

"Save some for me." He heard somebody say. Looking up at the source of the voice, he saw Keith smirking down at him. Lance almost choked on his bread at the sight. ' _How was it fair for somebody to look that good?'_ His mouth went dry, trying to form some kind of sentence. Keith didn't seem to notice Lance's inner turmoil, taking a seat across the flabbergasted boy.

 

"You look really pretty!" Lance blurted out, regaining some motor skills. He internally groaned at how lame he sounded.  _'Really me?? You could have been all suave but nooo! You just yell that he's pretty in the poor boys face. This is why you're single.'_ Sighing, he let out an awkward chuckle, face burning.

 

"Oh..." Keith trailed off, looking surprised. Then, he looked down at his hands, fiddling with them. Blushing, he glances back up at Lance. "Is this a date?" He asks bluntly, somewhat shy. Lance blinked, not sure how to react.  _'Did he seriously not realize this is a date??'_

 

"Um I hope so??? It's what I was aiming for when I asked you out..." He said awkwardly, suddenly a whole lot less confident. "But it can be a friend thing if you want!!" He quickly said, not wanting to make Keith uncomfortable.

 

"No!" Keith yelled, flinching as how loud he had said that. "I mean um no, no it's okay. I wouldn't mind this being a date..." He flushed, quickly looking down. At times like these, he really hated his social anxiety. Lance beamed at that, before hesitantly reaching over to grab Keith's hand. He flinched at the sudden touch, but made no move to pull away. Just the fact that Keith was willing to hold his hand made Lance feel over the moon. A comforting silence fell over them, they just enjoyed each others presence.

 

"May I take your order?" Their waiter said, breaking them out of whatever trance they were in.

 

"Oh um yes! I'll have the beef bourguignon. With a pinot noir, please." Lance quickly ordered, not knowing exactly what he ordered. The waiter quickly jotted his order down, looking over to Keith. He looked sort of disturbed by his outfit, but chose not to say anything. Lance was tempted to say something. Lance saw how flustered Keith was, his eyes flying over the menu but only seeming to get more confused. At seeing how anxious the boy was getting, Lance decided to just order for him, asking for the same thing. Keith smiled at him as a form of thanks, relieved. The waiter took their menus, quickly leaving.

 

"So what even is beef boringnon??" Keith asked, not even bothering to say the name correctly. Lance chuckled at that, thinking Keith was utterly adorable.

 

"Honestly? I don't really know. I know it has beef in it though, and who doesn't like a little meat." He said, winking at his date. Keith groaned at the pun. He may be trying to act annoyed, but he couldn't hide his smile.

 

"If you ever say that again, there won't be a next date." Keith deadpanned, looking straight into Lance's eyes. Lance's smile just grew upon hearing Keith's words.

 

"So there will be another date?" He asked, hopeful.  _'Maybe I did have a chance with Keith!'_ Keith blushed, shrugging.

 

"If you don't say that stupid pun again." He muttered, looking anywhere but at Lance. He smiled fondly at Keith's embarrassment. He reached over, interlocking their hands again. Keith glanced at them, then back over to Lance, before intertwining their fingers together. They both had a soft look, casually chatting. Time seemed to flow by quickly, and their orders were already here. Keith looked at it, worried he wouldn't like it. He wouldn't admit it, but he was kind of a picky eater. He groaned, taking a closer look at the food. 

 

"What?" Lance asked, worried Keith didn't like it. He wanted this night to go perfect, and Keith not liking the food could put a damper on that plan.

 

"There's so many onions! It's like I can never escape them." Keith shivered, being dramatic. Lance laughed at him, find it somewhat cute. Everything Keith did was cute. He pouted at the fact that his supposed date was laughing at his misery. Rolling his eyes, he decided to ignore Lance and focus on the food at hand. He took a bite, testing to see if he liked it.  _'I mean, it's no cheesecake, but it's good...'_ "I like it." He said, settling on that answer. Lance seemed pleased with that answer, considering the lanky boy wouldn't quit smiling like the damn sun. Honestly, Keith feared if he made direct eye contact, he'd go blind.

 

They made idle chat, Lance making the occasional flirty jokes and Keith blushing so much at one point he threatened Lance with a butter knife. You know, just the usual antics. It was nice. It felt like they were in their own little world, just them and the soft music of the piano player in the background. If Keith wasn't against sappy cliches, he would have called it magical. Lance though, he loved cheesy things, so he made it very known that this felt like a dream. Keith pondered on how two complete opposites could end up being so connected to one another.  _'Lance would probably make some stupid joke about how opposites attract.'_ Soon, it was almost closing time for the place. They had stayed there for almost 4 hours. Time really does fly by. Lance payed for the meal, Keith arguing that he could pay for himself but Lance wouldn't let him.

 

"I asked you out, so I'm paying. You can pay next time." Though Lance had said that, he would probably try paying again next time. He wanted to spoil Keith. Keith grumbled, but finally agreed. Exiting the restaurant, Lance wrapped his arm around Keith's waist. "So where to next love?" Keith flushed at the pet name, looking away.

 

"Isn't this where we like go home??" He asked lamely, not knowing that there was a next after a date. Wouldn't it be over?? Lance chuckled at how confused Keith said, nodding.

 

"I'll walk you home." Lance offered, starting to head off in the direction. Keith made a noise of protest.

 

"Lance no, you live in the complete opposite of me!" He said, frowning.  _'Why would he walk me that far?? Isn't that just annoying??'_

 

"But I want to make sure my princess makes it back safely." Lance smirked, holding Keith closer. Keith made some sort of gurgled squeak, not expecting to be called fucking  _princess!_ He flushed brighter than his dress, staying silent. He just walked along with Lance, not knowing how to react to that. "Awe you're blushing!! That's adorable!" Lance coo'd, teasing him. Though, on the inside, he was literally screaming at how pretty Keith is. His heart was not prepared.

 

"Shut up." He mumbled, his blush spreading. They continue their short walk, finally coming to a stop at his apartment door. "Well, this is me." He said, once again awkward. His heart was beating fast, mind raising.  _'Was Lance going to kiss me?? From the movies, this is normally when you kiss right?? Oh my god, what if I accidentally break his tooth with kissing?? It's happened one too many times!!'_ Lance silenced his thoughts by lightly bringing his hand to his face. Keith may have looked cool on the outside, but his mind was just continuous screaming. Lance was exactly the same. Slowly, Lance started leaning in.

 

"Is this okay?" He whispered, breath ghosting over Keith's face. He blushed, nodding lightly. Lance smiled softly, leaning in the rest of the ways. It took a second for Keith to respond, caught up with the feeling of Lance's lips upon his. When his brain started functioning again, he clutched at Lance's suit, tilting his head to get a better angle. He kissed back eagerly. The kiss was perfect to them, soft and loving. It wasn't heated, but it held just as much passion. All of their pent up feelings they kept hidden was poured into the kiss. Lance slid his arm around Keith's waist, pulling him closer. Eventually, the need for air grew too much, and they had to break away. They panted lightly, just staring at each other. A smile slowly made it's way on Lance's face. "Wow that was..."

 

"Yeah..." Keith smiled back, giggling. 

 

"I um I guess this is goodbye??" Lance asked, disappointment clear in his tone. "I'll text you tomorrow?" Keith nodded, leaning back up for a quick peck before rushing into the house. He leant against the door, sighing happily. On the other side, Lance hadn't moved. His hand grazed his lips, a lovesick smile stretched on his face.


	47. Bonus aftermath of the klance date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some things that happened after our precious boys little date!

Keith jumped, hearing Shiro clear his throat. He looked up, seeing Shiro standing in front of him. He was clearly upset, a deep frown set on his features, arms crossed.

 

"H-hey Shiro!" Keith chuckled nervously, wondering why he was so upset.  _'Oh god, did he not like the fact that I went out with Lance??'_ Shiro walked up to him, looking even more upset.

 

"How could you?" He hissed, looking heartbroken. Keith's heart squeezed painfully, not realizing he would hurt Shiro.

 

"I'm-I'm sorry, I just-I really like Lance okay?" He mumbles, staring down at his shoes. Shiro sighed, rolling his eyes.

 

"I'm not mad that you went out with Lance, Keith." He said, uncrossing his arms. He had his 'I'm not mad, I'm disappointed' look on. Upon hearing what Shiro said, Keith was even more confused.

 

"Then why are you so upset??" He hesitantly asked, worried he forgot something very important.  _'It's not some anniversary is it?'_

 

"Don't play dumb with me Keith, you  _know_ what you did." He huffed out, looking deeply hurt.  _'Oh god, did I murder somebody or something??'_

 

"I'm not playing, i'm legit just dumb!" Keith exclaimed. "Please Shiro, just tell me what I did wrong!" He practically begged, just wanting to make him happy again. A depressed Shiro is the worst Shiro, it's like accidentally hurting your pet! He turned around, starting to walk away. Before he left, he stopped. Sighing, he glanced back, looking ready to cry. It pained Keith to see his brother like this, knowing it was his fault and not knowing how to fix it.

 

"You..." He started to say, looking to the floor. Shiro wiped his eyes roughly. "You ate someone else's onions!" He choked out, rushing to his room and slamming the door. Keith stood there for a few seconds, processing what just happened. Once he did, he was completely done.

 

"Shiro for fucks sake I thought it was serious!!" He screamed, face red with anger. He could hear Matt dying of laughter somewhere in the house. Keith huffed in annoyance, storming off to his room. "I hate this fucking family!!"

 

 

~Over with the local bean pole~

 

Lance was screaming in his pillow, retelling Hunk what had all happened. Hunk had spammed him, wanting to know all the details upon looking at Lance's snapchat.

"I kissed him!! Holy mother of milk, I made out with that beautiful boy!!"

 

"First off, never say holy mother of milk again or I will disown you." Hunk pleaded, hating that that phrase had even come to his best friends thoughts. "Second off, get some!! But also if you hurt my ray of emo sunshine I will hurt you." Silence fell over them at Hunk's threat, before Lance started cackling.

 

"All I'm picturing is the sun with an emo fringe, I can't breathe!!" Lance hollered, rolling around on his bed. "Gosh mom it's not a phase!! My soul is darker than an eclipse!!"

 

"Why am I friends with you??" Hunk groaned, chuckling fondly.

 

"Because you looooove me~" Lance said, smirking.

 

"That's debatable." Hunk deadpanned, teasing him. 

 

"Hunkers how could you?!" He gasped dramatically, clutching his heart. "This is like the top 10 anime betrayals!!" Hunk groaned at the stupid meme, rolling his eyes.

 

"Aaaaand that's my que to leave!" Hunk sighed, quickly hanging up. Lance frowned, offended. 

 

"Okay, now  _that's_ a top 10 anime betrayal."

 

 

~our favorite parents conversing~

 

FresnoPidge: God, look at our boys growing up

 

LiteralSunshine: I know!! It felt like just yesterday they were trying to stab each other

 

FresnoPidge: I can't wait to organize the wedding

 

LiteralSunshine: I can't wait to finally get some grandkids!!

 

FresnoPidge: Ikr??? I thought I'd die before seeing my son give me some bouncing baby boys!!

 

LiteralSunshine: Lol you meant girls right??

 

FresnoPidge: Um no, I meant boys

 

LiteralSunshine: Awe that's cute, but they're having girls

 

FresnoPidge: Not on my fucking watch.

 

LiteralSunshine: Listen pigeon, I'm going to have my granddaughters

 

FresnoPidge: You're funny, because they're going to have two boys. One is going to be named Louis pidge, and the other is going to be Darwin pidge

 

LiteralSunshine: No

 

LiteralSunshine: They're going to have two beautiful girls called July hunk and Harriet hunk

 

FresnoPidge: What kind of fucking name is harriet and july???

 

LiteralSunshine: Oh like darwin and louis is any better

 

FresnoPidge: It is

 

LiteralSunshine: And just when I thought we were going to be great mother-in-laws, sitting on a porch and playing bridge

 

FresnoPidge: Just when I thought I was going to invite you to bingo night.

 

LiteralSunshine: You were going to bring me to bingo night?

 

FresnoPidge: Yeah....

 

FresnoPidge: Were you really thinking of playing bridge with me?

 

LiteralSunshine: Yeah....

 

FresnoPidge: I'm sorry I fought over such trivial things!! We're suppose to be the mature mothers

 

LiteralSunshine: Me too!! How about they have one girl and one boy??

 

FresnoPidge: Sounds perfect

 

FresnoPidge: Little darwin pidge and harriet hunk will be amazing

 

LiteralSunshine: Yes, yes they will be :)

 


	48. Yeah I think this is where our friendship ends.

**FresnoPidge is now chatting with MothmanLover**

 

FresnoPidge: Hey my emo son, how was the date

 

MothmanLover: Good

 

FresnoPidge: Good....?? Any kind of elaboration or??

 

MothmanLover: Well....

 

MothmanLover: We might have um

 

MothmanLover: Wow how do I say this??

 

FresnoPidge: DID YOU FUCKING GET LAID

 

MothmanLover: WHAT NO

 

FresnoPidge: Oh my god I was so shocked for a second

 

MothmanLover: I'm not giving up my v card on the first date pidge

 

FresnoPidge: Okay then what happened??

 

MothmanLover: We kissed

 

FresnoPidge: AAAAAAH WHAT

 

MothmanLover: It was yeah it was nice

 

FresnoPidge: THIS IS SO

 

FresnoPidge: Does that mean I have to threaten lance to be careful with my son

 

MothmanLover: Plz no

 

FresnoPidge: Eh imma do it anyways

 

MothmanLover: You're so embarrassing omg

 

FresnoPidge: I'm your mother what do you expect

 

MothmanLover: Ugh

 

FresnoPidge: So besides macking eachothers faces off how was the date??

 

MothmanLover: It was idk nice?? I really liked it

 

FresnoPidge: AWEEEEE

 

MothmanLover: Shut up

 

MothmanLover: But idk lance was really sweet?? Like I wouldn't mind going on another date with him

 

FresnoPidge: THIS IS SO PURE OH MY FUCK

 

MothmanLover: You're embarrassing me omg

 

FresnoPidge: Hey you're the one who said the embarrassing stuff

 

MothmanLover: Oh my god I'm just gonna go and listen to music

 

FresnoPidge: Lol 'music' did you mean crappy musicals??

 

MothmanLover: BE MORE CHILL AND DEAR EVAN HANSEN IS NOT CRAPPY HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

 

FresnoPidge: Mmmmm they aren't that good either

 

MothmanLover: Yeah I think this is where our friendship ends.

 

MothmanLover: I guess our friendship wasn't meant to be.... for forever

 

MothmanLover: I thought we would never not be a team but now this crap :/

 

MothmanLover: I guess this is the end of our two player game

 

MothmanLover: You aren't my favorite person now

 

MothmanLover: I'm waving through a window, saying goodbye

 

MothmanLover: I won't be thinking of you when I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight

 

FresnoPidge: What the fuck keith??

 

MothmanLover: I panicked and couldn't think of any more lyrics!!

 

FresnoPidge: I'm just going to leave omg

 

MothmanLover: IM SORRY

 

FresnoPidge: Just go listen to be more cool or whatever its called

 

MothmanLover: Be more chill

 

FresnoPidge: Yeah that

 

**Bonus!**

 

**FresnoPidge is now chatting with Lancelot**

 

FresnoPidge: Yo tallass 

 

Lancelot: well hello to u to pidge

 

FresnoPidge: Shush I'm here for serious talk

 

Lancelot: oh god what did i do

 

FresnoPidge: Apparently keith

 

Lancelot: UM WHAT

 

FresnoPidge: Or well you kissed him but like

 

FresnoPidge: I just want you to know something, okay you precious tall lanky angel?

 

Lancelot: what is it...

 

FresnoPidge: If you hurt him in any way, I will rip your dick off and shove it down your throat

 

FresnoPidge: I also can make it look like an accident

 

Lancelot: make what look like an accident.....

 

FresnoPidge: Your death

 

FresnoPidge: So we good? :)

 

Lancelot: yes ma'am

 

FresnoPidge: Great! Have fun with my boy then

 

FresnoPidge: But not too much fun, I'm watching you

 

Lancelot: ofc ma'am!

 

FresnoPidge: Okay great have a good day!!

 

Lancelot: you too ma'am!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the sudden song lyrics, I'm currently blasting the be more chill soundtrack and it was on my mind so


	49. Awe pidge lobes us

***FresnoPidge is now chatting in Musicals are obsessed with trees***

 

MothmanLover: I'm just saying!! We got deh and now tlt all obsessed with trees!!

 

MothmanLover: I think I'm on to something guys

 

FresnoPidge: Can we talk about something other than your obsession with conspiracy theories

 

MothmanLover: It's always time for conspiracy theories.

 

MothmanLover: Also you're always down for these?? Who are you and what did you do with pidge??

 

FresnoPidge: I'm just not up for it

 

MothmanLover: Are you okay?

 

MothmanLover:Do I have to fight someone?

 

MothmanLover: Bc I will

 

FresnoPidge: Oh god plz no

 

Shiro-Matters: Pidge are you okay?! Who hurt my sister?!

 

FresnoPidge: Omg bro chill

 

Shiro-Matters: I'll chill when you're okay

 

Lancelot: im with matt whats up pidgey??

 

FresnoPidge: Ugh it's seriously not that big of a deal!

 

FresnoPidge: It's seriously just stupid

 

MothmanLover: It's not stupid if it's hurting you

 

FresnoPidge: Wow look at you being all wise and shit

 

MothmanLover: Don't try to change the topic, what's wrong??

 

Corndaddy: May I offer you in some corn to help in these trying times??

 

FresnoPidge: Maybe later, thanks though coran

 

Corndaddy: Any time friend!

 

Allurking: What is bothering you tho pidge??

 

Sunnyboy: I felt that my friend was sad so I came quickly, what's wrong?!?! Are you hurt?! What happened?!

 

Rockstar: Who would ever hurt pidge?? You're like a precious child!! I'll beat them up, nobody can hurt you, it's basically law

 

FresnoPidge: Omg guys chill!! 

 

FresnoPidge: It was just nema

 

MothmanLover: What did nemo do?!

 

FresnoPidge: She just made an offhanded comment that I'll never be a real girl

 

MothmanLover: SHE SAID WHAT

 

FresnoPidge: That I'll never be a real girl

 

MothmanLover: Where is she, I'm going to fucking end her.

 

FresnoPidge: Omg keith be more chill!!

 

MothmanLover: How dare you try and quote musicals to calm me. She is going to burn.

 

FresnoPidge: Ha nice hamilton reference

 

MothmanLover: This isn't a time to joke

 

Lancelot: i knew she was a bitch but wtf is wrong with her?!

 

Shiro-Matters: Pidge, you're the realest girl I've ever known

 

Sunnyboy: I don't normally condone violence, but I hope she falls into a pit of legos.

 

FresnoPidge: Wow hunk getting evil there

 

Sunnyboy: Yeah well you're worth the evilness

 

Rockstar: That's disgusting of her, pidge forget what that thing has said, you are a real girl and some bitter hoe isn't going to change that fact

 

OnionBoy: I can flunk her in my class for you?

 

FresnoPidge: SHIRO WTF NO!!

 

OnionBoy: Just saying, I have a way to make it so it isn't illegal

 

FresnoPidge: Shir plz no it's okay really

 

Allurking: But it's not okay, you shouldn't have to deal with those transphobic comments

 

 

MothmanLover: Exactly, things like that will never be okay

 

OnionBoy: In all seriousness though, we have a strict policy on these kinds of things, we can talk to the headmaster to deal with this

 

OnionBoy: She can get into some serious trouble

 

FresnoPidge: Omg no it's not that big of a deal it's not worth all that trouble

 

OnionBoy: Yes it is

 

MothmanLover: Pidge you're always worth it

 

FresnoPidge: You guys are being so fucking sweet, now I'm crying ffs!!

 

FresnoPidge: I hate you guys for making me emotional 

 

Allurking: But we love you

 

FresnoPidge: NOW IM CRYING HARDER UGH

 

FresnoPidge: I lobe tou giys too

 

MothmanLover: Awe pidge lobes us

 

Lancelot: lol nice typing

 

FresnoPidge: ITS HARF TO TYPE THRSOU TESRS TYOU PRITCKS

 

MothmanLover: I love my precious mom

 

FresnoPidge: And I love you my dark strange son

 

FresnoPidge: But thank you everyone I feel a lot better

 

Shiro-Matters: It's no problem sis

 

OnionBoy: I'm going to make you an onion cake too!!

 

FresnoPidge: Oh god save me

 

Lancelot: its okay bby we luv u so

 

Sunnyboy: You don't have to thank us for caring pidge

 

Rockstar: You're welcome you precious bean

 

Allurking: No need for thanks, just take my love

 

MothmanLover: I still want to fight her

 

FresnoPidge: Keith, my beautiful son, no

 

MothmanLover: Ugh

 

***Corndaddy has changed the chat name to Pidge protection squad***

 

FresnoPidge: I love you too cornman

 

Corndaddy: :) 


	50. You're pretty hot yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg it felt like forever since I've written!! So I kind of moved and didn't have a week without internet..... But it's back and I'm ready to write again!! Heads up though, I'm here to give you a smut warning. Also shocker there's a daddy kink that was very much hinted at, so if you don't like it you could skip or whatevs haha

***Lancelot is now chatting with MothmanLover***

 

Lancelot: hey baby ;)

 

MothmanLover: Omg Lance why're you texting me at 2:13 am???

 

Lancelot: cant sleep to busy thinkin about u

 

MothmanLover: Oh?

 

Lancelot: yup

 

MothmanLover: What about??

 

Lancelot: how cute u r

 

_Lancelot is typing..._

 

_Lancelot is typing..._

 

MothmanLover: How long does it take you to type??? My anxiety can't handle this

 

Lancelot: ur just really beautiful baby

 

Lancelot: like fuck how r u even real???

 

MothmanLover: Omg lance I'm???

 

Lancelot: i bet ur blushing

 

Lancelot: u look really good when blushing

 

 

Lancelot: fuck u look really good just by existing

 

_MothmanLover is typing..._

 

Lancelot: do u realize just how stunning u are baby??

 

 

Keith stared down at his phone, face feeling as if it were on fire. He had no idea how to react to this flattery, like what the hell does a person say to that?! Hesitantly, he shakingly texts back.

 

 

MothmanLover: You're pretty hot yourself

 

Lancelot: oh really?

 

MothmanLover: Yeah

 

Lancelot: do tell

 

MothmanLover: What???

 

Lancelot: what does my baby find so attractive about me?

 

 

Keith squeaked, burying his face into his phone. He had no idea why Lance was suddenly being like this, he wasn't even sure if he even liked it! He takes a few deep breaths to calm his rapidly beating heart, thinking of what to say.

 

 

MothmanLover: You have a nice face

 

MothmanLover: I love the fact that you're so tall

 

MothmanLover: You also have really pretty eyes

 

Lancelot: awe kitten that was adorable thank u

 

Lancelot: want to know what i like about u??

 

MothmanLover: Sure

 

Lancelot: i love ur hair

 

Lancelot: i just wanna run my fingers through it

 

Lancelot: it also seems great to pull ;)

 

 

Keith choked on air, gaping.  _Lance did not just say that, did he?!?!_ He stared down at his phone, shocked.

 

 

MothmanLover: OMG LANCE

 

Lancelot: u know i actually really love ur lips

 

Lancelot: i havent stopped thinking about them since our kiss

 

Lancelot: i just wanna keep on kissing them, making them go red

 

Lancelot: i wonder what else u could do with those lips....?

 

 

Keith literally threw his phone. He didn't know how to feel about any of this.  _Was Lance trying to....sext him?_ He wasn't sure, he just knew he felt something.

 

 

MothmanLover: Lance you're acting weird, are you okay??

 

Lancelot: yeah sorry just

 

Lancelot: sorry if i made things weird ill just go

 

MothmanLover: Wait no!

 

Lancelot: no?

 

MothmanLover: I mean, you can continue, you didn't make it weird or anything

 

Lancelot: really?

 

MothmanLover: Yeah, I kind of liked it.....

 

Lancelot: oh kitten thats adorable

 

Lancelot: if u wanted me to shower u in compliments u could have just asked ;)

 

MothmanLover: Shut up

 

Lancelot: awe now ur embrrased!!

 

MothmanLover: Ihy

 

Lancelot: ah but ily

 

Lancelot: i also love how pale u are

 

MothmanLover: Wow really lance -_-

 

Lancelot: no im serious!

 

Lancelot: i bet itd be easy to mark u up, let everyone know ur mine

 

Lancelot: would u like that baby?

 

 

"Holy fuck Lance is trying to sext me fuck what do I do?!" Keith yells, eyes wide. He steadied his shaking breath, biting his lip. He would honestly love if Lance would give him hickies.

 

 

MothmanLover: Fuck yes

 

Lancelot: watch your mouth baby or else ill have to punish you

 

MothmanLover: Sorry

 

Lancelot: sorry what

 

MothmanLover: ?? Sorry lance??

 

Lancelot: try daddy, babyboy

 

 

Keith whimpered at that, shifting in his bed to get more comfortable. He was surprised by what Lance had said. He knew they joked about the whole daddy thing, but he didn't think Lance would actually be into it.

 

 

MothmanLover: Sorry daddy

 

Lancelot: good boy

 

Lancelot: now where was i?? oh yeah marking up my precious little boy

 

Lancelot: id love to give you hickies anywhere i could reach. your neck, stomach, you thighs. fuck have i mentioned how much i love your thighs???

 

Lancelot: fuck theyre amazing i just want to bite them, leave marks all over them

 

MothmanLover: Please do, I'd love them so much

 

Lancelot: i bet you would wouldnt you??

 

Lancelot: id also love to tease you, bet youd let out the cutest little whines 

 

Lancelot: everything about you is so fucking cute i bet even your cock is cute, huh princess?

 

Lancelot: id tease your cock so much baby, dragging my hand up and down slowly

 

MothmanLover: Oh god lance

 

Lancelot: is my babyboy getting horny?

 

 

He hated to admit it, but yeah. Keith was embarrassed by how quickly he got turned on, just by some words. Lance probably wasn't trying, but god did they drive Keith crazy. Slowly, he brought his hand down on his hardening length, giving it a few tentative strokes, picturing it was Lance. Keith took in a quick inhale, clamping his mouth shut as he didn't want to make too much noise. Coming out of his daze, he realized Lance was still waiting for a reply.

 

 

MothmanLover: Fuck daddy, so much

 

Lancelot: keith watch your fucking mouth, this is the last warning.

 

MothmanLover: Sorry daddy, I'm jsut so turned on it slipped my mind

 

_Lancelot is typing..._

 

 

Lance had no idea how to respond, he didn't think he'd actually turn Keith on. The picture of Keith all horny because of him instantly made his dick stir, twitching. "Fuck." He hissed, biting his lip tightly. He sat up, leaning on the back of his headboard.

 

 

MothmanLover: What about you?

 

Lancelot: oh baby you make me so horny

 

MothmanLover: What would you do if I was there?

 

Lancelot: oh baby so many things

 

Lancelot: id start with playing with your nipples, licking and biting them

 

Lancelot: have you under me, whimpering in pleasure

 

Lancelot: would you like daddy teasing your nipples baby?

 

MothmanLover: Yes please

 

Lancelot: your wish is my command princess

 

Lancelot: id palm you slowly, barely touching you

 

Lancelot: what are you wearing baby?

 

MothmanLover: It's embarrassing

 

Lancelot: oh now you have to tell me

 

 

Keith groaned, looking down at his clothes. More like Lance's clothes. He had never gotten his jacket back, so Keith was kind of wearing it...  _Why am I like this oh my god?_

 

 

MothmanLover: Your jacket and a pair of red panties

 

Lancelot: baby

 

MothmanLover: I told you it was embarrassing!!

 

Lancelot: honestly thats really fucking sexy

 

MothmanLover: ....Really?

 

Lancelot: god yes! you in only my clothes and fucking panties?? thats probably the hottest thing ever fuck

 

Lancelot: god i bet you look so pretty, all turned on like that

 

Lancelot: you have no idea what you do to me babyboy

 

MothmanLover: I turn you on daddy?

 

Lancelot: so fucking much, god if only i was there!

 

Lancelot: id rip those cute little panties off and pump your dick

 

Lancelot: id thumb over the tip, i bet yours is really sensitive baby

 

Lancelot: youd make the prettiest little moans

 

MothmanLover: God daddy, feels so good

 

Lancelot: are you touching yourself princess?

 

MothmanLover: Yes, wish it was you though

 

Lancelot: fuck kitten

 

 

Keith bit the cloth of the jacket, trying to keep his moans and whimpers quiet, not wanting his family to hear. His thighs twitched as he forced them to stay open, playing with his slit spreading the precum around.

 

 

Lancelot: tell me baby, how are you touching yourself

 

MothmanLover: I'm rubbing myself under my panties, feels amazing daddy I'm barely keeping my moans down

 

Lancelot: i bet you paint such a pretty picture, all spread out and panting

 

 

Lance groaned, picturing a flushed moaning Keith  _how he'd moan his name._ He leaned back, his head hitting the board as he picked up the speed of his hand. It was embarrassing how close he felt, especially since it was so fast.

 

 

Lancelot: baby can you do something for me?

 

MothmanLover: What

 

Lancelot: try fingering yourself

 

MothmanLover: Okay daddy

 

 

Keith shifted, reaching blindly into his drawer. Finding the small container, he brought it over to him. Keith uncapped the lube, pouring some onto his fingers. Balancing the phone on his chest, he lays back down into a more comfortable position. Spreading his legs wider, he brings his lubed finger down. Keith shivered from the coldness, rubbing his finger around his hole before slowly sinking it in. He quietly hissed at the stretching sensation. After a few more pumps in and out, he was shuddering in pleasure. Slipping in a second, he whimpers burying his face into Lance's jacket. Everything was too much, his senses feeling overloaded.

 

 

MothmanLover: frels so good datddt

 

Lancelot: baby cant even type thats so fucking cute

 

Lancelot: me too princess, fuck i wish you were here

 

MothmanLover: Me too daddy

 

MothmanLover: in cl close

 

Lancelot: me too babyboy, go ahead cum for daddy

 

 

Keith fingered himself faster, arching his back as he continued to hit his g spot. Biting his lip, he could feel a little trickle of blood roll down. He didn't mind though, too overcome with pleasure. Keith let go of the phone, reaching down to stroke his leaking member. His breath became erratic as he became closer. Warmth built down in his lower abdomen. With a stroke of the thumb over his tip, Keith whined out loudly spilling over. He shook, riding out his orgasm. He panted, staring up at the ceiling as he came down from his heigh, trying to recollect his thoughts. Remembering Lance, he reaches blindly for his phone.

 

 

MothmanLover: I came daddy, it felt so good

 

Lancelot: good boy, i so proud of you

 

MothmanLover: Are you close

 

Lancelot: god so close

 

MothmanLover: I wish I could see, wish I was there daddy

 

Lancelot: what wsould tou do if you were

 

MothmanLover: I would finish you off in my mouth. I'd lick up and down, rolling my tongue over the tip

 

Lancelot: fuck baby

 

MothmanLover: Then I would slowly take all of you in, deep throat you

 

Lancelot: god kitten i bety tour mouth feels fo good

 

MothmanLover: I would massage you with my tongue as I bob up and down quickly

 

MothmanLover: I'd love the weight of your cock in my mouth daddy, I want it so bad

 

MothmanLover: I bet you have an amazing dick daddy

 

 

Lance grunted, biting his knuckle. His phone was long forgotten, focussing on his images of Keith drifting through his mind. The picture of Keith sucking him off was almost too much for Lance. Just thinking of Keith's flushed face as he takes all of his length, tears gathering in his eyes. Lance could feel he muscles tightening as he got closer, only making him go faster. He imagined the way Keith's hair would be messed up, swallowing around his cock eagerly. He would look like such a mess, as Lance would throat-fuck him. He curled into himself, releasing with a loud groan. Lance looked down, sighing at the mess he made. Too lazy to clean up, he just shoved the blanket off and threw his soiled shirt off somewhere. It's not like he needed a blanket anyway, it was way too hot. His phone buzzed, making him jump.

 

 

MothmanLover: Did you come yet daddy?

 

Lancelot: yes baby thank you

 

MothmanLover: Okay cool so go to bed you lanky fucker, it's 3:22 am and you have a test tomorrow or well today?

 

Lancelot: WOW SO ROMANTIC

 

MothmanLover: Who needs romance when you can sleep?

 

Lancelot: omg goodnight

 

MothmanLover Are you really pouting?

 

Lancelot: just want a little romance T-T

 

MothmanLover: Omg okay

 

MothmanLover: Go to sleep you tallass <3

 

Lancelot: .....

 

Lancelot: its better

 

Lancelot: olkay night shortass <3

 

MothmanLover: Wow this disrespect???


	51. Omg

***MothmanLover is now chatting with FresnoPidge***

 

MothmanLover: I'm a terrible person

 

FresnoPidge: No you aren't what are you talking about???

 

MothmanLover: But like!!

 

MothmanLover: I'm going to tell you a secret and please please please don't tell anyone or do anything dramatic okay?

 

FresnoPidge: You're scaring me keith what's wrong?

 

MothmanLover: Just promise first!

 

FresnoPidge: Okay I promise 

 

MothmanLover: Thank you

 

MothmanLover: Where do I start?

 

FresnoPidge: The beginning

 

MothmanLover: So lance and I did something

 

FresnoPidge: DID YOU TWO HAVE SEX?!?! DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY OMG KRITH

 

MothmanLover: NO OMG 

 

MothmanLover: We sexted.....

 

FresnoPidge: Oh my god my pure son was soiled

 

FresnoPidge: Okay so how does that make you a bad person? Sexting is okay keith, man sex is okay! It's not a bad thing to do consensual things.

 

MothmanLover: I know I just...

 

MothmanLover: We aren't even together tho!!

 

FresnoPidge: Wait what

 

MothmanLover: I feel dirty for doing something like that with a person I'm not even with

 

FresnoPidge: Pause for one second, tf you mean you aren't together???

 

FresnoPidge: You went on a date?? You guys made out!!

 

MothmanLover: We didn't make out!!

 

MothmanLover: But he never really asked me to date him so.....

 

FresnoPidge: Omg

 

MothmanLover: Maybe he doesn't want to date me? What if he just wants to get the sexual stuff and that's it

 

FresnoPidge: Keith no I've seen lance, that boy is head over heels for you

 

MothmanLover: Idk pidge, it's not like it's the first time I've been used like that

 

FresnoPidge: Oh keith :(

 

FresnoPidge: I know but lance is not him

 

FresnoPidge: Lance seriously loves you, it's kind of sickening tbh

 

FresnoPidge: He's just really stupid sometimes and probably didn't even realize he didn't ask you out and just assumed you two were already dating 

 

MothmanLover: Really?

 

FresnoPidge: Really keith

 

MothmanLover: Thank you

 

FresnoPidge: It's no problem

 

FresnoPidge: Want me to come over and have a movie night?

 

MothmanLover: I've been kind of craving a harry potter marathon

 

FresnoPidge: Fuck yeah! I'm on my way

 

FresnoPidge: And I'm bringing my own popcorn, that onion popcorn or whatever is disgusting

 

MothmanLover: It's poponion and yeah shiro loves it so it's the only kind he gets.....

 

FresnoPidge: Idc what it's called it's ew so I'm bringing my own box

 

MothmanLover: Thank you omg


	52. I want to die so much right now

***Lancelot is now chatting with MothmanLover***

 

Lancelot: hey bby

 

MothmanLover: Never say bby again

 

Lancelot: always a sunshine of positivity

 

MothmanLover: Yup that's me

 

Lancelot: ANYWAYS

 

Lancelot: are u an piñata?

 

MothmanLover: Wtf??? No???

 

Lancelot: bc i want to bang u with my stick

 

MothmanLover: I'm so

 

MothmanLover: I'm a piñata bc it's hard to open me up

 

Lancelot: UMMMM

 

MothmanLover: WAIT NO

 

MothmanLover: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

 

MothmanLover: I MEANT HARD TO OPEN UP

 

MothmanLover: LIKE EMOTIONALLY

 

Lancelot: omg suuuuure keithy

 

MothmanLover: I want to die so much right now

 

MothmanLover: Like seriously, mothman come and take me off into the woods

 

Lancelot: okay drama queen chill

 

MothmanLover: Lightning just smite me now bc I'm ready to go

 

Lancelot: baby plz its okay XD

 

Lancelot: ill take plenty of time and gentleness to open u up

 

MothmanLover: Oh now I want you to die 

 

Lancelot: RUDE

 

MothmanLover: Like just bc we're all whatever does not mean I won't hesitate to fight you

 

Lancelot: sweety

 

Lancelot: baby

 

Lancelot: honey

 

Lancelot: kitten

 

Lancelot: plz dont hurt me im fragile

 

MothmanLover: Hmm

 

Lancelot: um um OH WAIT NO IM DADDY HERE U HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME

 

Lancelot: so like yeah!! ill punish u if u hurt me!!

 

MothmanLover: Omg I'm just

 

MothmanLover: I'm so done I'm just going to leave

 

Lancelot: awe baby noooo

 

Lancelot: babyyyyy

 

Lancelot: kittennnnn

 

Lancelot: snookumssssss

 

Lancelot: sweetcheekssssss

 

Lancelot: ha i bet u have some sweet cheeks

 

Lancelot: omg were u actually serious about leaving me

 

Lancelot: wow fine i see how it is

 

Lancelot: i have better things to do anyways!!!

 

Lancelot: like major important things so ha!

 

***Lancelot is now chatting with SunnyPineapple***

 

Lancelot: hey buddy we still on for our rupaul marathon tonight?

 

SunnyPineapple: Ofc! Picking up snacks as we speak

 

Lancelot: ur the best <3

 

SunnyPineapple: Ik

 

 


	53. How are you an adult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick filler until the actual story continues!! Sorry I haven't updated a lot lately, school will be starting soon so I'm busy with getting ready and I'll also be starting all my summer reading homeworks to cram it in before school starts in like a week yaaaay procrastination!

***Onionboy is now chatting with Shiro_Matters***

 

Onionboy: Heeeeeey 

 

Onionboy: How's my wonderful boyfriend doing??

 

Shiro_Matters: ....I'm fine

 

Onionboy: You know what I love about you?

 

Shiro_Matters: What

 

Onionboy: That you never get mad at me no matter what :)

 

Shiro_Matters: Shiro what did you do

 

Onionboy: I maaaaay have caught the kitchen on fire

 

Shiro_Matters: YOU WHAT

 

Onionboy: Don't worry though, it wasn't a big one!!

 

Shiro_Matters: NO HOW THE FUCK DID YOU SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE?!

 

Onionboy: I went to make a baked onion right?

 

Shiro_Matters: Then what

 

Onionboy: I wrapped it in tin foil to keep in the heat! I wanted it to be cooked fast though, so I put it in the microwave

 

Shiro_Matters: You

 

Shiro_Matters: You put fucking metal in the microwave?!

 

Onionboy: I forgot it was metal!

 

Shiro_Matters: HOW DO YOU FORGET IT'S METAL???

 

Onionboy: Idk I just do!

 

Shiro_Matters: How are you an adult

 

Onionboy: Anyways!

 

Onionboy: When it started to crackle and spark and smoke I just thought it was suppose to do that

 

Shiro_Matters: How the fuck???

 

Shiro_Matters: You know what idc 

 

Onionboy: So the microwave caught on fire, I put it out though!

 

Onionboy: But we might need a new microwave

 

Shiro_Matters: No shit

 

Shiro_Matters: You're grounded from the kitchen.

 

Onionboy: What?

 

Shiro_Matters: You're grounded. You aren't allowed to cook in the kitchen anymore.

 

Onionboy: You can't ground me!

 

Shiro_Matters: Shiro you are grounded, go to your room right now

 

Onionboy: But!

 

Shiro_Matters: No. Go to your room. I'll make dinner when I get home.

 

Onionboy: Fine

 

Shiro_Matters: Good, I'm at the store now sp I'll buy a microwave

 

Onionboy: Pick up some onions!

 

Shiro_Matters: Do you even deserve onions right now?

 

Onionboy: I'll give you cuddles and kisses if you do

 

Shiro_Matters: You'll do that anyways but fine, just stay in your room

 

Onionboy: Okay!

 

Shiro_Matters: Still can't believe you set the fucking kitchen on fire ffs


	54. Top 10 anime betrayal part 1

"And then he just leaves!!" Lance yells, throwing up his arms in exasperation. "Can you believe that hunk?!" The boy in question sat slumped on the couch, trying his hardest to pay attention to RuPaul. Lance was making it impossible though, as he continued to complain about his sort of boyfriend Keith.

 

"Lance for the last time,  I'm trying to watch the show!! Bianca is here and you know I love her!"" Hunk groaned, gesturing to the screen.

 

"It's not my fault stupid Keith is being all stupid! With his stupid mullet, and his stupid smirk, and his stupid eyes!! Did I mention how stupidly pretty he is??" Lance sighed, zoning out to a world where only Keith existed. Hunk, as the amazing friend he is, decided to take out his phone and record this all. "You know, I never knew mullets could work until I met Keith. It's still an incredibly stupid hair decision, don't get me wrong! Just that he magically pulls it off you know??? But he'd pull off anything. Like, I bet he'd be able to pull off..." lance shivered at what he was about to say. "Crocs. God I need to wash my mouth out with soap for saying something so sinful! But it's true!! He's so annoyingly perfect!" The lanky man yelled, throwing his body back into the couch in frustration.

 

Hunk was holding back tears with all of this, RuPaul long forgotten. He held back snickers, face going red.

 

Lance glanced over, wondering what the noise was. There hunk sat, recording him being a love struck fool. "Hunk buddy, what are you doing?" Lance asked delicately,  afraid of the answer.

 

A smirk slowly spread across his features, letting out an evil giggle. "Oh nooooothing!" He dragged out. "Just sending a video of you fawning over your lover." As soon as that left his lips, he bolted up and sprinted to the bathroom. At that moment, Lance knew this was one of the top 10 most anime betrayals. He heard lances yells of embarrassment over his laughter.

 

**SunshineBoy is now messaging I'm better than onions**

 

SunshineBoy: GIEYSS EATCH THIS

 

SunshineBoy: ***sent video***

 

FresnoPidge: that's a lot of work

 

SunshineBoy: YOU WONT REGRET IT NOW U GOT TO GO LANCE IS GONNA BREADJ DOWN THE DOORBYE!!!

 

FresnoPidge: what the fuck, what did you do????

 

_5 minutes later_

 

FresnoPidge: so I just watched the video

 

FresnoPidge: thank you for making my life hunk, literally not all heroes wear capes???

 

FresnoPidge: I'm going to Keith's later and am so going to be showing him this video

 

Lancelot: why must I suffer?

 

Shonion: well I think it's cute how in love you are!!

 

Shiro-Matters: even tho it is really really soppy

 

Lancelot: thanks guys T-T

 

SunshineBoy: PIDGE PLEASE RECORD KEITHS REACTION I NEED THAT IN MY LIFE

 

FresnoPidge: ;)

 

Lancelot: waiT NO

 

Lancelot: DONT SHOW KEITH MY SECRET SHAME

 

FresnoPidge: :)

 

Lancelot: i hate you guys

 

Lancelot: but at least get a video of him out of flaunting my embarrassment.

 

FresnoPidge: dude I'm pidge, of course I'll get a video out of this

 

Lancelot: thank you, then I'll sacrifice my dignity just for that moment

 

FresnoPidge: what dignity

 

SunshineBoy: OOOOOH

 

Lancelot: WOW OK I SEE HOW IT IS

 

SunshineBoy: sooooo

 

SunshineBoy: can we get back to rupaul?

 

Lancelot: ofc we can buddy


	55. Intermission brought to you by corn

***Corndaddy is now chatting with Onions-Matter***

 

Corndaddy: why hello shiro! Just a quick question

 

Onions-Matter: oh hey coran, good to hear from you!

 

Onions-Matter: what's the question?

 

Corndaddy: well it's obvious you're an amazing cook right?

 

Onions-Matter: you think I'm an amazing cook?

 

Corndaddy: why of course! You're always trying your best, creating new recipes!!

 

Onions-Matter: this is the nicest thing that anyways has ever said to me, I might just cry

 

Corndaddy: oh don't cry!!

 

Onions-Matter: they're happy tears!!!

 

Corndaddy: well that's good then! :)

 

Corndaddy: but I was wondering if you had any corn casserole recipes? I've been trying to make one but it hasn't faired too well

 

Onions-Matter: corn casserole you say? Well I have an amazing onion one, I guess you can substitute the onions for corn though!

 

Corndaddy: oh splendid! May I have it?

 

Onions-Matter: no problem coran! I mean what are friends for?

 

Onions-Matter: okay so it starts out with tomato sauce

 

Corndaddy: tomato sauce you say? Fascinating!

 

***Shiro-Matters is now chatting with Allurking***

 

Shiro-Matters: god help us all

 

Allurking: what did shiro do now

 

Allurking: did he burn down the kitchen again?

 

Shiro-Matters: oh no it's serious this time.

 

Shiro-Matters: him and coran are trading recipes.

 

Allurking: oh god no!

 

Allurking: is this how we die?

 

Shiro-Matters: I'm giving you fair warning, because I'm an amazing friend looking out for you, but coran will be cooking you a dinner and it will be the worst yet

 

Shiro-Matters: possibly a foodpocolypse.

 

Shiro-Matters: these two terrible forces are meeting to make an unstoppable force of evilness

 

Allurking: I appreciate dearly that you decided to tell me!

 

Allurking: I'm going to be going out to eat then, no way am I risking my life to be sweet to my dear uncle

 

Allurking: I love him but not that much

 

Shiro-Matters: please bring me along, I'm too pretty to die!

 

Allurking: of course! Should we bring Keith along?

 

Shiro-Matters: no him and pidge are doing some nerdathon so pidge brought pizza for the two

 

Allurking: nerdathon?

 

Shiro-Matters: you really don't want to know

 

Shiro-Matters: one time I walked in and I've had nightmares of it for a week

 

Allurking: well then

 

Shiro-Matters: yeah.


	56. Top 10 anime betrayals part 2

"No pidge, I swear I saw a ufo that one time!!" Keith complained, flailing his arms to try and get his argument across. Pidge rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

 

"Keith, you said you were so exhausted, you don't know what you saw." Pidge pointed out, arching her eyebrow for Keith's rebuttal.

 

"Exactly, I don't know what I saw." Keith answered, smirking. "Meaning! It was unidentified. And it definitely was flying. And last time I checked, it's an object. So that makes it a ufo." Check and mate.

 

"Shut up you fucking furry!" Pidge huffed out, conceding that Keith was technically correct. She didn't know how to respond to that. As a way of ignoring the emo loser next to her, she went on her phone. That's when she remembered the perfect revenge. The video of lance. Keith had long left, going to the bathroom (or maybe to write in his emo diary about how woes about Bigfoot, you never know with him.) She couldn't wait to see Keith combust! 

 

"Oh Keith~" she called out hauntingly, making Keith instantly regret any form of life he had.

 

"Yes...?" He answered hesitantly, making his way back over to the couch. Keith noticed the evil grin stretched across his best friends face, making him tempted to turn and run.

 

"I have a little video I want you to watch!" She said. 

 

'That doesn't seem too bad....' Keith slowly thought, 'but knowing Pidge.....'

 

"Alright... do tell?" He decided to ask, curiosity getting the best of him.

 

"I sent it to you! Go watch it! Like right now!" She rushed him, scooting back to get more comfortable on the couch.

 

Keith nodded, leaning back on the sofa, pulling out his phone. On messenger was an innocent little message of a video. If he knew what was on that video, he might have never played it. Or at least not with the evil minion next to him. But alas, he was completely oblivious, clicking play almost instantly.

 

Pidge sat across from the boy, angling her phone to record him. The voice of lance flood the apartment, making Keith confused.

 

"Why do you have a video of lance???" He muttered, wondering what idiotic thing this bean pole got into now. Pidge just shushed him, telling him to focus.

 

_"You know, I never knew mullets could work until I met Keith. It's still an incredibly stupid hair decision, don't get me wrong! Just that he magically pulls it off you know??? But he'd pull off anything. Like, I bet he'd be able to pull off...." Video lance shivered, rubbing his arms to get rid of invisible goosebumps. "Crocs. God I need to wash my mouth out with soap for saying something so sinful! But it's true!! He's so annoyingly perfect!!"_

 

Watching lance whine about how much he adored Keith was an interesting experience. He just didn't know how to react, so he did the first thing his body allowed him to do. His face burned, mouth gaping like a fish. Unintelligible squeaks and sounds came out of him, as he looked down at the phone and back to Pidge. He was in such shock he didn't even notice she was obviously recording him. Finally, time caught up on poor Keith. He screamed and threw his phone.

 

"Pidge!!!!!" He screamed, covering his face. "Did you hear that?!?!"

 

"Hear what buddy?" Pidge said, trying her hardest not to let out a laugh. Keith flopped over in his side, face still covered.

 

"He thinks I'm pretty!" His hands making it so it came out muddled. He looked up at her, looking very flustered. "He likes my mullet Pidge!!! My mullet!!" 

 

"Yes, I heard!" She nodded, snorting. Seeing that Keith was back to playing cocoon in his hands, Pidge stopped the video. She clicks over to the group chat, quickly typing out.

 

 

***FresoNightcrawler is now chatting in klance is so cute it's gross***

 

 

FresnoNightcrawler: *sent a video*

 

FresnoNightcrawler: you're welcome

 

Lancelot: AAAAAAAH

 

SunshineBoy: you are a goddess amongst us mortals, bless you

 

FresnoNightcrawler: I know, not all heroes wear capes.  
  
  


 

After Keith had calmed down, he debated his next move. He decided to do what any good human would do, tease lance about it.  
  


 

 

***MothmanLover is now chatting with Lancelot***

 

 

MothmanLover: I knew you secretly loved my mullet 

 

Lancelot: and I knew you secretly melt down when I compliment you

 

MothmanLover: what no i don't

 

Lancelot: that's not what the video shows darling ;)

 

MothmanLover: wait what

 

MothmanLover: what video???

 

Lancelot: *sent a video*  
  
  


 

Pidge lost it, hearing Keith's frantic scream coming from the distance. 'I guess he saw the video.'

 

"PIDGE IM GOING TO KILL YOU!!" Keith shrieked, footsteps pounding down the hall.

 

'Yup, he saw.' She thought, crying from how hilarious this all is. 

 

"I love you!!" She screamed back, body shaking with laughter. Her eyes literally glistened with tears.

 

"No violence." Shiros voice piped up lazily from the kitchen, focusing on whatever monstrosity he's come up with as of yet. Did that stop Keith from attempting to fight Pidge though? No, not at all.


	57. #saynotojuggs

***FresnoPidge is now chatting in This is such a mess***

 

FresnoPidge: Oh my god I just saw this girl with juggs!!!

 

Shiro-Matters: I'm sorry you saw what?!

 

MothmanLover: Oh my god yeah matt they were so ugly!!!

 

Onions-Matter: Keith I know you're gay but that's no way to talk about a girl, I raised you better than that.

 

MothmanLover: But shiro!! Juggs!!

 

Onions-Matter: I know but you don't have to shame someone for that! It's incredibly rude!!

 

MothmanLover: You're right I'm sorry...

 

FresnoPidge: No keith I'm on your side, #saynotojuggs

 

Shiro-Matters: Pidge!!!

 

FresnoPidge: Hey just saying!! Everything about her was so pretty but then you get to her juggs

 

Shiro-Matters: Okay seriously both of you need to stop body shaming, it's not cool.

 

FresnoPidge: Wait what???

 

MothmanLover: Body shaming???

 

Shiro-Matters: Yes! Just because you don't like someone's chest does not mean you can shame her! It's wrong and you two should know better!

 

Onions-Matter: Exactly!!!

 

MothmanLover: We weren't talking about her chest tho????

 

FresnoPidge: Yeah??? Why would you think that???

 

FresnoPidge: Oh wait....

 

FresnoPidge: Okay yeah I see where we went wrong

 

FresnoPidge: When we were saying juggs you thought we meant jugs, as in the chest area

 

MothmanLover: Oh fuck!!

 

MothmanLover: Nonononono we weren't talking about that!!

 

Shiro-Matters: Tf??? Then what were you talking about???

 

Onions-Matter: Yeah what he said

 

FresnoPidge: Juggs as in jean uggs

 

Shiro-Matters: OOOOOH

 

Onions-Matter: Oh okay that makes so much more sense

 

Onions-Matter: Wait who in the world would wear jean uggs???

 

Shiro-Matters: Okay yeah I agree with you two, let's burn them

 

Lancelot: .....i have a pair of juggs

 

MothmanLover: We're over.


	58. Thanksgiving special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real correlating with the story, just some random snippets of how their thanksgiving would go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro: I call it the turducken!

 

Matt: I call it a mess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro: I'm thankful for my wonderful friends

 

Matt: I'm thankful for my little sister Pidge

 

Hunk: I'm thankful for another year of happiness

 

Allura: I'm thankful I have amazing people to spend thanksgiving with

 

Coran: I'm thankful for all the memories to come

 

Pidge: I'm thankful for all the times you guys had helped me and accepted me

 

Lance: I'm thankful for you guys who are my family away from home, and my beautiful boy Keith

 

Keith: I'm thankful for mothman

 

Lance: ffs Keith!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith: The meal isn't over when I'm full, the meal is over when I hate myself

 

Pidge: with that logic, the meal would never start

 

Keith: .....

 

Pidge: ......

 

Keith: well I know who I'm not thankful for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matt: no shiro you can not replace the turkey with onions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pidge: thanksgiving is stupid, it's just a day where we ignore what actually happened! It's not a day to celebrate!

 

Matt: sssshhhhhh

 

Pidge: and another thing, turkey wasn't even originally served-

 

Matt: *shoving a spoon full of mashed potatoes in pidges mouth* sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matt: no shiro, you cannot use onion sauce instead of cranberry sauce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hunk is hidden away in the kitchen all day, becoming a Tyrant over the dinner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith: I wonder if cryptids celebrate thanksgiving???

 

Pidge: I bet bigfoot is the cook. He'd make a mean dry rub.

 

Keith: I bet the flatwoods monster would make like a sweet potato pie.

 

Pidge: let's just hope she doesn't poison it

 

Keith: don't insult my mom like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allura: *looks off into the distance as coran and shiro argue what to stuff in the turkey, hunk lowkey crying on the floor, mashed potato in her hair* hi my name is allura, you're probably wandering how I got myself into this situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith: I wonder if chickens and turkeys have some sort of rivalry, or if they just have a comradery of brotherns suffering the same fate

 

Lance: I literally just asked if you wanted more turkey, wtf

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance: *olives on his fingers* hey Keith, olive you

 

Keith: *without hesitation, leans over and bites harshly at the olives dawning lances fingers*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pidge: ooooh this is spicy!!

 

Lance: it's water.

 

Pidge: so spicy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keith: can I just hide in my room?

 

Shiro: you will be a good productive member of this family, and suffer outside with the rest of us

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance is the type of person to play with the turkey and make it dance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pidge is literally the person that put the turkey in the sink with a beer and sunglasses bc the instructions said let the turkey chill in the sink for a few hours

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lance: I'm thankful for a lot of things, and that booty is one of them

 

Keith: if I turn around and you're holding my boot, I will kick you out of this house.

 

Lance: *quickly hides the boot behind his back* psh whaaaaaat?!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	59. Merry christler

***keithmas is now chatting with lanceing-through-the-snow***

 

Keithmas: what do you want for Christmas 

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: what?

 

Keithmas: I'll be going Christmas shopping, what do you want?

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: honestly just you is enough baby

 

Keithmas: LANCE!!

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: what it's the truth!!

 

Keithmas: whatever, but I'm bad at surprises so you should tell me very specifically what you want

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: you don't have to get me anything sweetheart

 

Keithmas: I'm not a sweetheart, I'm a dark soulless dead inside person.

 

Keithmas: also I know I don't have to, but I want to

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: okay okay, well I want to be surprised tho

 

Keithmas: but what if it sucks

 

Lancing-through-the-snow: if it's coming from you it won't suck

 

Keithmas: that's fucking cheesy

 

Keithmas: but fine

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: yaaay you're the best princess <3

 

Keithmas: shut up

 

Keithmas: you're okay too tho babe

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: AAAAH YOU CALLED ME BABE

 

Keithmas: oops gotta go

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: KEITH!!!

 

Keithmas: ;)

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: BABY NOOOO

 

***keithmas is now chatting with pidgey-pudding***

 

Keithmas: sup Pidge, you still going to the mall with me

 

Pidgey-pudding: already getting dressed, get your emo ass over here

 

Keithmas: well with that attitude I my as well bring Matt instead, he's the better holt sibling

 

Pidgey-pudding: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

 

Keithmas: okay fine fine you're my favorite Holt sibling

 

Pidgey-pudding: I'm your mom but yes that's what I thought punk

 

Keithmas: you're such a dork omg

 

Pidgey-pudding: also wear a coat, it's freezing

 

Keithmas: coats are for the weak

 

Pidgey-pudding: yeah well you're weak so wear a coat

 

Keithmas: I refuse.

 

Pidgey-pudding: then don't complain about how cold it is

 

Keithmas: fine

 

Pidgey-pudding: fine

 

Keithmas: see you in 10

 

Pidgey-pudding: okay drive safe

 

Keithmas : okay bye

 

 **Warning** : nsfw talk is up ahead!! Please thoroughly kinkshame these boys! Thank you for your time, continue on!

 

***hunk_the_halls is now chatting with lanceing-through-the-snow***   
  


Hunk_the_halls: yo lance!!

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: sup hunkers!! How's my best bud doing

 

Hunk_the_halls: great actually! Shay invited me up to see her parents this Christmas

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: ooooooh meeting the fam already huh~

 

Hunk_the_halls: haha yeah I'm a little nervous though!

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: oh don't be they'll love you!

 

Hunk_the_halls: you think?

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: I know

 

Hunk_the_halls: thanks man you're the best

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: oh I know

 

Hunk_the_halls: anyways! Did you go Christmas shopping yet?

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: finished a couple days ago!

 

Hunk_the_halls: wow good on you, last year you had to rush like the day before

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: THAT WASNT MY FAULT

 

Hunk_the_halls: mhm suuuuure

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: this is bullying I'm suing

 

Hunk_the_halls: oh shut up you know I love you

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: yeah yeah

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: but hey how mad do you think Keith would be if I gave him a gag gift of a bunch of sexy things

 

Hunk_the_halls: I think he would straight up stab you

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: well fuck

 

Hunk_the_halls: lance you didn't

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: IM SORRY

 

Hunk_the_halls: well it's your funeral

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: it's the way I want to go out

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: with Keith wielding a sword in one hand and a 12 inch rainbow dildo in the other

 

Hunk_the_halls: oh my god lance why

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: it was my bi obligation to get the gay stuff for Keith

 

Hunk_the_halls: so you buy him a gay dildo

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: and lingerie

 

Hunk_the_halls: omg

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: and some handcuffs, rope, ball gags, paddles, stringy smacky things??? I think they're called flags or flogs or whatever, threw in some vibrators, a couple cock rings and butt plugs ect

 

Hunk_the_halls: AND YOU CALL THIS A GAG GIFT LANCE

 

Hunk_the_halls: I THINK SPENDING ABOUT $200 ON SEX THINGS IS JUST CALLED TRYING TO BE KINKY WITH A LOVED ONE

 

Hunk_the_halls: WHICH I DONT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR KINKY SINS LANCE

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: hey man it was about $300 sooooo

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: and it is technically a gag gift bc it's Keith

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: but hey if he wants to end up using this stuff I won't oppose

 

Hunk_the_halls: this fucking sin

 

Hunk_the_halls: I'm kinkshaming

 

Hunk_the_halls: I'm buying you church tickets bc you need Jesus

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: says the person who let shay blindfold him

 

Hunk_the_halls: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE HOW DARE YOU USE THAT BACK ON ME I FEEL ATTACKED

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: just saying buddy

 

Hunk_the_halls: I'm leaving bye

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: Aweeeee hunkers don't be like that!!!

 

Hunk_the_halls: I'm being bullied, I'm running to shay for emotional comfort bye

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: ooooh kinky running to the wife for some of that 'comfort' huh

 

Hunk_the_halls: BYE

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: lol bye buddy

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: oh wait I also got Keith some other thingssssss

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: they're cuteeeeeee

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: aaaand he's gone great

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: GUESS I WONT TELL YOU WHAT I GOT HIM GOSH

 


	60. A/N

**Warning** : mentions of sexual assault so if you're triggered please don't read!!

 

So in this story I've mentioned several times about being a fan of Melanie Martinez and Keith and lance and stuff but...

Well if you haven't heard! Melanie was accused of raping her best friend. Her name is Timothy, and I stand with her.

 

 

 

Timothy Heller then confirmed this rapist was Melanie Martinez.Here is all of what Timothy posted. It is horrifying what she had to go through, and Melanie disgusts me. Melanie's response just made it so much worse though.

 

 

She literally says "she never said no." That to me basically confirms this story is true. And regardless if they never said no, that's not an argument. It's still rape if the person clearly didn't want it. So yes, please ignore way back then about the Melanie geeking out bc she is disgusting and there is no support here.

 

I no longer support Melanie Martinez. I stand with Timothy. And if you support Melanie, please leave because I don't want rapist defenders here

 

That is all, bye!!


	61. so I'm either about to get laid or get murdered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just pretend I'm not super late on this.....

***lanceing-through-the-snow is now messaging keithmas***

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: hey baby, ready for your presents?!!??

 

Keithmas: idk are you ready for yours?

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: YES

 

Keithmas: lol okay then come and get them

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: that sounds so suggestive

 

Keithmas: ;)

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: keITH

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: KEITH WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

Keithmas: come over and find out

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: BRB GETTING READY AND ILL BE RIGHT OVER PRINCESS

 

Keithmas: lol

 

***lanceing-through-the-snow is now chatting with hunk_the_halls***

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: so I'm either about to get laid or get murdered

 

Hunk_the_halls: I'm sorry what???

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: *sent screenshot*

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS

 

Hunk_the_halls: well if you are about to get some, wear protection okay??

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: OMG

 

Hunk_the_halls: I'm serious! Safe sex is important!!

 

Lanceing-through-the-snow: I'm leaving

 

Hunk_the_halls: Don't forget the condoms!!

 

Hunk_the_halls: they just grow up so fast

 

***keithmas is now chatting with pidgypudding***

 

Keithmas: so lance is coming over

 

Pidgypudding: that's exciting

 

Keithmas: what if he doesn't like his presents?

 

Pidgypudding: he will

 

Keithmas: but what if??

 

Keithmas: I mean I'm not the best at gifts Pidge!!

 

Keithmas: remember I gave you cat toys!!

 

Keithmas: you don't even have a cat!!!

 

Pidgypudding: lol that was the best present I ever got

 

Pidgypudding: your face was priceless

 

Keithmas: Pidge!!

 

Pidgypudding: dude don't worry lance is so in love with you you could literally give him trash and he's treasure it

 

Keithmas: you sure?

 

Pidgypudding: positive

 

Keithmas: okay you're right

 

Keithmas: thank you

 

Pidgypudding: no problem

 

Pidgypudding: just name your children after me

 

Keithmas: oh my god

 

***shirhohoho is now chatting with MattyChristmas***

 

Shirhohoho: Matt I love you so much

 

MattyChristmas: what brought this on tf

 

Shirhohoho: no reason!

 

Shirhohoho: hahahaha just you know!!

 

MattyChristmas: you found your Christmas present didn't you?

 

Shirhohoho: IM SORRY MATT

 

MattyChristmas: damnit shiro!

 

Shirhohoho: ITS NOT LIKE IT WAS THE BEST HIDING SPOT OKAY

 

MattyChristmas: IT WAS LOCKED IN MY SAFE WHICH IS BURIED DEEP IN MY CLOSET

 

Shirhohoho: yeah well your password was your own birthday so who's really at fault?

 

MattyChristmas: STILL YOU

 

Shirhohoho: okay okay

 

Shirhohoho: just know I love it so dearly, I cried

 

MattyChristmas: it wasn't that amazing to make you cry oh my god

 

Shirhohoho: THEY WERE CUSTOM MADE ONION TIES MATT I LOVE THEM

 

MattyChristmas: well I'm glad you liked them

 

Shirhohoho: I more than love them

 

MattyChristmas: well then good

 

Shirhohoho: and I hope you love your present too

 

MattyChristmas: I'm sure I will

 

Shirhohoho: hopefully :)

 

***shirhohoho is now chatting with keithmas***

 

Shirhohoho: are you sure I should do this?

 

Shirhohoho: what if he hates it

 

Shirhohoho: I should have went with the onion scented candles instead!

 

Keithmas: I promise you he would have hated those.

 

Keithmas: now calm down shiro, I promise he'll be so happy he's probably going to cry

 

Shirhohoho: really?

 

Keithmas: yeah, gonna cry harder than that time I accidentally threw out your prized onion

 

Shirhohoho: DONT REMIND ME IM STILL UPSET

 

keithmas: sorry sorry

 

Keithmas: anyways I have to go and get ready for lance to come over

 

Shirhohoho: oh he's joining us for Christmas dinner?

 

Keithmas: yeah

 

Keithmas: now bye

 

Shirhohoho: bye and merry Christmas!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys it's me your local author!! Ooooh were going to be coming to an end soon!! Exciting things!! Sorry for being so late tho


	62. The christmas party part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh would you look at that.... im finally updating..... iM SORRY IT TOOK ME FOREVER

"Honey I'm hoooome!!" Lance shouted, walking into shiros apartment like he owned the place. He may have seemed calm on the outside, but his heart was racing with anxiety. Thoughts of whether Keith would like is gift or not, thoughts of the future etc.  _All this anxiety can not be good for the skin._

 

"Lance he- what the fuck?" Matt asked, stopping in the doorway. "Your attire makes me want to gouge my eyes out." Lance let out an indignant squak, clearly offended.

 

He had dawned a  _lovely_ Christmas jumper with a beautiful tree decorating it, with actually working lights thank you very much! On top of his head was a beautiful elf hat, with his own handmade elf ears! His personal favorite parts were the pants, as they were skin tight and the design made them look like candy canes. Behind him, he clung a heavy satchel that resembled Santa's gift bag, lugging around all the presents he got.

 

"I look beautiful! Wish I could say the same about you. Who the hell wears garlic Christmas sweaters??"

 

"A person who wants to piss off their lover." Matt deadpanned, completely serious.

 

"....good point... anyways where's my sugarplum?!" He yelled, walking deeper into the house, looking around. He saw everyone was here (not counting hunk, he was going to meet shays parents for the first time), expect for Keith. "Angel?! Princess!! My lovely baby boy with a booty that won't quit?!?!"

 

"I will literally end you." Keith said, appearing out of thin air. And no, lance did not scream in fear. But he did rush over to pepper kisses all over Keith's face.

 

"I missed you!!" He shouted, squeezing Keith into his chest. "And you look so cute! I don't know why you wore a halloween sweater to a Christmas party though."

 

"Nightmare before Christmas is a Christmas thing, fuck you." Keith pouted, earnestly trying to defend his jack skellington outfit.

 

"Mhm yeah sure princess." Lance sighed, not convinced what so ever. "So when's dinner???" As soon as those words left his mouth, a scream was heard from the kitchen. Then smoke. A lot of it.

 

"Um guys...?" Shiro called out, walking through the smoke, coughing. "I don't think we'll be having Turduckion...."

 

"Okay first off, what the flip is a turduckion?? And second off, what did you do?!" Pidge yelled, eyes going wide. Shiro rubbed his neck sheepishly, laughing, ignoring the beeping of the fire alarm in the distance.

 

"Basically onions stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. And also turns out you're suppose to take the plastic off of the food before putting it in the oven.... also where's the fire extinguisher...?"

 

"SHIRO THIS IS WHY I SAID WAIT FOR ME!!" Matt screamed, running into the kitchen with the red extinguisher. "Just go order pizza! You can't possibly mess that up!"

 

"Rude!"

 

"Why am I not even surprised...?" Keith sighed, leaning against lance. The boy wrapped his arm around his waist, nodding.

 

"Because it's Shiro."

 

"I'm too old for this." Pidge sighed, turning back to her phone.

 

"You're the youngest one here???" Keith said

 

"Keith darling. Shut up before I spill the tea about the theater incident of '13"

 

"Okay I'll shut up now!" Keith whipped, paling slightly.

 

"Uh....I'm sorry what???" Lance asked, turning to the two in curiosity. Now he had to know what this theater thing was! It was his destiny!

 

"Nothing." Keith answered briskly.

 

"But baaaabe!! I gotta know~"

 

"No."

 

"Please!!!! Pretty pretty please! Please please please!!" He kept begging, pulling out the doggy face.

 

"Lance if you drop it I will literally suck your dick."

 

"Suddenly I have no recollection of some unknown theater incident."

 

"You guys are disgusting!" Pidge groaned, throwing chips at us.


End file.
